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Thursday, February 2, 2017

NEWS AT 11:00

NEWS AT 11:00
Too lazy to write; this cranky re-run is from January 2012
Tune in tomorrow for this years Super Bowl Special post.

This post was inspired by my step-crank Peter.  If you find it entertaining, it is due to my sharp wit.  If it sucks, blame the step-crank!

So I’m on my computer the other day at around 8:30 with the TV on in the background and I hear the announcer blurt out, “What you don’t know about your dishwasher that can kill you….NEWS AT 11:00!”  I’m thinking, “Damn…I was about to run the dishwasher, now I have to wait for the 11 o’clock news or I might kill myself.”

Of course they don’t tell you at 11 o’clock how your dishwasher might kill you, they wait till 11:29 before the dishwasher news finally hits the air.  It turns out that if you overload your dishwasher, run it at high heat dry and have a frayed wire in the outlet, it can cause a fire which could kill you.  

“DUH at 11:00.”  

How about just saying “Don’t use electrical shit that has frayed wires!”  

TV stations do this every night.  They do it on every channel. Every night there are five different things that I have to wait until 11:29 to find out how not to kill myself.  Usually the warning comes from some study not yet verified and only a snippet of the study is used.

"Cell phones may melt your brain!  NEWS AT 11:00.”  

At 11:29 I find out that scientists have submitted a 2000 page study on the safety of cell phones that contains a one sentence statement:

“Studies indicate that constant use of a cell phone, eight hours per day or more, has been shown to lower the IQ of 8% of lab rats by 4% in a double blind test.”

Frig the cell phone warning; to me the real news story is that scientists managed to have lab rats talk on a cell phone for eight hours a day!

“Your shoes may make your feet fall off!  NEWS AT 11:00.”  

Now I can’t wear any shoes until 11:29.  It turns out that if your shoes are two sizes too small and you wear them two days in a row, it could cut off circulation, cause gang-green, and you could lose your feet.

You know…without hearing this dire warning, I’m pretty sure I would take off the shoes when I could no longer feel my feet. 

“DUH AT 11:00.”

“Saliva, the stealth poison! NEWS AT 11:00.”

I think I’m just going to take a chance on this one.  
SEINFELD RERUN AT 11:00!

22 comments:

  1. They really should run a study to find out who has the money to pay for those studies and what's the matter with them

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  2. Now we can google what every we need to. But who knows what the outcome will be.
    Coffee is on

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  3. That's why I'm glad the news comes on at 10 p.m. here. At least we have to just wait until 10:29 to hear all that news!

    betty

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  4. fb has taught me not to pay attention to the 'bait.' (Not by telling me - by showing me ...

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  5. We have the same problem with our current affairs programs, "On Today Tonight, blah blah blah," which I think is something I'd like to know about and have to sit through several other stories first. I think if something is worth spruiking about, it should be on first.

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  6. I have enough to worry about so I watch the news the following day on catch up so I can congratulate my self on not killing myself with all the things I should have been worrying about the previous day. It's not an exact science but it's worked for me so far ...

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  7. Maybe there was a falling number of viewers in which case I guess they had to try something. It's ten o'clock here - I never watch it anyway, whatever time they choose to bestow alarming news on us. But it did lead to an amusing post and for that I am grateful.

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  8. Just a different form of click bait.

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  9. I just hate it when they start to tell you something really interesting and then say, more later during the program. Well nuts...now you have to watch the whole dang thing because you don't know when they are going to insert the one or two sentences more about this very interesting topic which turns out to be anti climactic in the end. Shoot.

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  10. It's so very annoying. But what really annoys me the most is how often I get succered in to watching even though I know deep down it's going to have been a 'come on-'

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  11. I quit watching mainstream news stations long ago. It's been the very best thing I ever did. Freedom from all this craziness.

    Have a fabulous day and weekend. ☺

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  12. We also are exposed to these sorts of alarmist headlines on the news. I've stopped paying attention to them, even though a recent headline warned about seniors like me developing dementia after not paying more attention to the news.

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  13. And this is exactly why I refuse to watch the "news".

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  14. The story never lives up to the hype. It's the same with the weather, when every storm becomes a "storm of the century" we quit paying attention. That will cause trouble when something really threatening does happen.

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  15. It seems they have stolen the teaser headlines from the pulp magazines. I record the news so I can skip what I don't care to re-hear and can get to that 10:29 (I'm on central time) segment sooner. A half hour news cast has 18 minutes of actual news. Grr

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  16. There's another reason I like living out here in the mountains: late news comes on at 10:00, so those obnoxious teasing stories come on at 10:29. So it's bedtime an hour earlier!

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  17. You can't go wrong with a Seinfeld rerun!

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  18. Yup, definitely the TV equivalent of click-bait!

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  19. I agree, those teaser stories are infuriating.

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  20. I think the media is going to be our demise in this world. We get stupider every day by listening to them and believing everything we hear. Back in the day it was "I'm Roger Grimsby, here now...the news" and they read it. There was no trying to grab attention was there?

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  21. Pit Bull Eats Mobile Home- news at 11.
    I thought they only did that crap here.

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