Stupid Headlines 021917
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If you want my wooden shoes you'll have to pry them off my old splintered feet!
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It’s time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This
week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
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State Investigating Tucson
Cosmetologist Who Gave Free Haircuts – His license expired, he was stopped from helping the homeless; good job! Government regulation has saved the Tucson
homeless population from having nice hair.
I know I feel safer.
Church bell ringer thrown in the air
after getting foot caught in rope, rescuers say – The man was not seriously disabled, and
I can’t help but snicker whenever I picture this happening…I may be going to
Hell.
$325K wedding nixed after brawl erupts at
rehearsal dinner, suit says – This is terrible, I should feel sorry
for all involved, but if you are spending 325 thousand dollars on a wedding…Ha
ha ha ha ha ha! ...I am definitely going to hell.
Wife arrested on Valentine's Day
after husband flees in boxers – Another case of mixing up your wife and your girlfriends
card…oops!
Why UPS trucks (almost) never turn
left – They want to
make delivery great again.
Tennessee Man Slapped With $50
Ticket for ‘Obscene’ Bumper Sticker of Stick Figures – I think all those stick figure
family things are obscene.
Liberal moms reportedly force school
to cancel skating party at Trump rink – These same ladies stopped playing bridge every week because almost
all hands were bid One No Trump.
Amanda Knox reveals same-sex,
non-sexual relationship in Italian prison – Some people call these types of relationships
“Friends.”
Harvard Computer Science Students in Trouble for
Dating App With Only Two Genders – “Twenty six members of Harvard’s Undergraduate Council signed a
letter admonishing the dastardly programmers for not including
other genders (including “genderqueer” and “non gender-conforming”) in their
list of options.”
They also left out Bi, Tri, Why, and
Fatoldbaldcranky-sexuals.
NASA thinks there might be aliens on
Jupiter’s moon – We’re going to need a much bigger wall!
Man Hires Hitman To Kill His Wife And
Daughter, But Accidentally Texts The Plan To His Boss Instead – His contact said “Headman” not
“Hitman.” Somethings are probably better
not sent as texts anyway.
Fox News Poll: Voters divided over
trusting Trump or the media – That’s like asking a 4-year-old to choose between lima beans
and Brussel sprouts.
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AND THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:
Puppy Rescued From Well After 11 Days
is Adopted by Firefighters Who Saved It – I am a sucker for dog stories…
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COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
Exceptionally funny stupid headlines this time! Imagining the church bell ringer hanging upside down, flailing his arms and cursing, while the pastor stands nearby admonishing him and not helping him down until he asks forgiveness for his language! HaHa!
ReplyDeleteDo you fact check the articles? Some of them sound like click bait stuff to me. Although hilarious and your comments are even better.
ReplyDeleteHa! Love that last one. I'd choose the Brussels sprouts.
ReplyDeleteI like the 'feel good' news...lucky little puppy to survive that ordeal and then be adopted.
ReplyDeleteI loved the wedding brawl. I read the whole thing. I'm thinking they were both saved from a horrible marriage.
ReplyDeleteI linked you to Silly Sunday as always.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
Wow! That $325K wedding cancellation/brawl was probably a blessing in disguise. Can you imagine how much the DIVORCE would have cost?
ReplyDeleteI know this headline is real: "Liberal moms reportedly force school to cancel skating party at Trump rink" because the Liberals have gone insane and are not afraid to show it.
ReplyDeleteLowandslow took the words right out of my mouth...ahem...keyboard. As one who got married in Vegas, I'm always shaking my head at expensive weddings (and the subsequent even more expensive divorces).
ReplyDeleteI marvel at the ingenuity of UPS to have their drivers make (almost) only right turns. Who figures that stuff out???
Another hilarious Sunday post!!
ReplyDeleteI think you nailed it with every one of your comments.
ReplyDeleteI may join you in Hell:)) Loved the rescue story to reaffirm my faith in man.
ReplyDeleteYep. You're on your way to Not-Heaven. Where the homeless can probably get free haircuts, and you can wear wooden shoes to the library.
ReplyDeleteThe Post Office used to try to keep postal vehicles to only making right turns unless they were in a rural area and had no choice, to prevent accidents. No, i'm not sure why they changed it.
ReplyDeletePaying $325K for a wedding. Sounds like they should have spend the money on a WWE event. It would have been more real then the marriage. LOL :)
ReplyDeletemore classics Joe.
ReplyDeleteThe $325k wedding is hilarious enough (and honestly, I'm kinda wondering, even in my most extravagant imagination, how to spend $325k on a wedding), but - a fight at the rehearsal dinner?!? That's just . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. . . (You're not going to hell; that's just an appropriate response to 'More Money than Sense'. . .) (WAAAYYYY More Money than Sense. . .)
ReplyDeleteSomething about 'Aliens on Jupiter's Moon' just makes me laugh. . .
And I'm kinda wondering what an obscene stick figure would look like. But you know, maybe that's just me. . .
And you know, those UPS trucks are kinda the opposite of race cars, which only turn left. . . ;)
ReplyDeleteWow, 325K wedding? Stupid.They deserve to split up. It's either now or later. Obviously, they are more into planning the wedding, than planning a marriage!
ReplyDelete