THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Monday, November 17, 2014
CALLING IN SICK - a cranky re-run
CALLING IN SICK
This re-run is from November 2012
I retired in 2008. I often joke that I love retirement, but I do miss calling in sick. This is not actually true.
I hated calling in sick. Even when I was really sick I hated calling in sick. When I called in sick I felt as if I was cheating my employer. Oh I did call in sick even when I was not in fact sick; I was not a “hall monitor” in school,* but I hated to do it.
The worst part of calling in sick was when the boss answered. I always hoped for his secretary…never happened…bosses know the ring…they know from the time of the ring…five minutes before start time, someone is calling in sick. The boss never gave any sympathy when I called in sick.
“Ah it’scough, coughJoe. Ah, I’m, ah not feeling well,cough, got a fever and my chest is all clogged up.”
“I don’t think I should come in today.”
“Do you think you will able to come in tomorrow?”
“Ah,hack, cough, probably…I’ll try.”
“You do that…see you tomorrow.”
Damn I hated that call. If I was at my death bed my boss would make me feel guilty.
I probably only called in sick two or three times a year, and one or two of those were legit.
Some people took full advantage of the sick day rules. We were allowed five instances of sickness per year. If you were out for three days you needed a doctor’s note before you could return to work.
We had some people that believed they wereentitledto five instances of absence due to illness and if they were going to miss one day they might as well take two as that was still only one instance. Some people with connections even took three or four days and came back with a doctor’s note.
These people always pissed me off. I pretty much knew they were faking it. They would always be sick on a Monday or a Friday, or both. Not only were they milking the system, but when they returned to work they expected everyone to smother them with sympathy. Often they would call in sick on a day that we knew would be really busy and everyone else would have to work extra hard or late to make up for their absence.
And then the next day we had to ask:
“Oh, how are you feeling?”
“Oh yes, of course you couldn’t make it in, hope you’re feeling better.”
“Oh good thing you stayed home, you might have given that to us all.”
Well at least those with records of high absenteeism got poor reviews and were not chosen for promotions….NOT!! Make that NO-to thefucking-NOT!!
I guess the executives figured anyone who did not know how to scam a system to its fullest extent could not be expected to lead.
I probably should have called in like this:
“Dude, its Joe. Look I got a chance to play 18 today and I still have three more illness instances this year so…hey and I’m probably going to be bushed after golf so don’t expect me tomorrow. I can get a doctor’s note for Wednesday if you’ll need it.”
“Oh that’s ok, I’m sure you could get a note…I’ll expect you on Thursday. Come in my office at 9:00 I think you might be management material.
“Hmmm…9:00 might be tough, you know we have five minutes leeway before you can mark us as late…I’ll drop by at 9:05.”
“Damn…you’re good! Don’t bother even seeing me, you’ve got the promotion.”
I never learned how to play the system. Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Maybe I should call in…oh yeah.
*In the US, school “hall monitors” were “Goody Two-shoes.”**
**In the US, “goody two-shoes” were “brown nosers.”***
***In the US, “brown nosers” were “ass kissers.”****
****Oh come on…everyone knows what an “ass kisser” is!