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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

EMAIL OFFERS


EMAIL OFFERS


Modern technology is great.  I especially like the convenience of email; it is a terrific way to communicate.  I receive tons of interesting offers via email.  Just today for instance my animal magnetism has apparently attracted the local ladies.

I’m not sure how all these women have found me and my email address, but they sure seem interested.  Mrs. Cranky better treat me well, because these are some of the emails I've received today:

NEW NOTIFICATION - Sexy local girls want to meet you

They’re local and they’re sexy and the want to meet me!

Lexi wants to hang out.

If that is not enough,

Michelle ::) Blonde cougar wants to have sex tonight.

I wonder how old a cougar has to be to seek a 68 year old man.  Well if that doesn’t interest me there is always this intoxicating question from Lindsey,

Lindsey, “You’ll never guess who wants to have sex with you tonight.”

It gets more interesting, apparently,

Jessica is looking for a secret relationship.

I don’t know how I missed this Facebook alert but according to my email,

New message: alert “8 girls want to have sex with you tonight”

And I guess my phone is out because Samantha wants to know,

Samantha, “Why haven’t you responded to my texts?”

I don’t know how to get in touch with Samantha, besides there is this intriguing message from Ashleigh Rose,

Ashleigh Rose “These woman want to sleep with you”

Hmmm, that is either this woman or these women either way if they want to sleep with me what do I care if they don’t have their GED’s?

Wait, even more choices,

Megan Best sex ever.

Is that an offer? If not then this sure is,

Samantha Cruzz “We want to play with you.”

We!!  Is that including the other Samantha?

No doubt about what Emily wants in this email,

Emily “I want to have sex with you.” She sent that message twice!

Or this one from Allison,

Allison, “Come over!! My husband is out of town!”

Tempting, but…

Now this one really has me wondering,

Taylor has a shocking video Apparently it’s about water pistols.

This is from Rebecca

I'm so horny!
I opened it up, apparently this water pistol squirting thing is really important.

If I just feel like chilling at home,

Katie just posted some new pictures.


All these emails were delivered in less than 10 hours.  Oh well, Mrs. Cranky has nothing to worry about, I’m not about to stray…unless she keeps calling me a jerk!



To everyone who wears or has worn a uniform in defense of the freedom which we all enjoy 


THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE AND YOUR SACRIFICE!!



19 comments:

  1. most get trapped in my spam filter, but when i scan the stuff in there, i'm always amused. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. My spam filter seems to pick up most of these, too. Crazy how they keep trying.

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  3. I too am thankful for those who served or are serving in our military!

    Hubby for a bit was getting emails about Russian brides. Rarely I'll get something for singles over 50. But you know they advertise like this because someone is taking them up on their offers......

    betty

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  4. I get those too but they are all hunky guys. I'm not going to stray either. Bwahahahahahaha.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  5. You're getting much better SPAM than I am. I get all sorts of ads questioning my sexual prowess, stamina and equipment. Every week I get ads promising to increase the size of my penis, and I wonder who's talking about me out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why are you concerned? I'm a woman & I get those, too!! Are you forwarding them to me?

      Delete
  6. You need to tighten your spam controls. Remember your recent computer crash. More than STD's lurking in those emails.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right. I find these in my spam, I never open them up. Since my last computer crash I will not open any site from an email, even from people I know.

      Delete
  7. Surprising to get so many emails on the same theme all in the space of a few hours.
    Joanne is right, tighten up those spam controls.

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  8. Joeh, I think Mrs Cranky needs to set your Parental Controls! I wonder if anyone actually opens these spam mails?

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  9. Around here, there are "hot young men" who want to meet me. Good! They can help my husband rake leaves! He's getting tired of it.

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  10. LOL these are too funny! It's funny you mention that about the cougar. My husband made a joke earlier today about a cougar chasing him...I didn't remind him that he's 49 and a cougar is technically someone who goes after significantly younger men. Unless you're in your 20s or 30s, that might not be such a good thing...an 80-year-old cougar. Imagine!

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  11. Now I am feeling a bit slighted. I don't get any interesting emails like those from eager males. I'm hoping it is my spam filter doing its job and not lack of interest.

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  12. Wow! I wonder how your email got out. That's a lot of offers in a short period of time.

    I listened to a David Sedaris audio book on a road trip this past weekend. Every offer you shared here came across in my mind sounding just as though they were read by David Sedaris. Too funny. (And a compliment, as I find him fabulously funny.)

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  13. I guess one of your previous conquests has been writing your email on the bathroom wall. Don't mean to disappoint you...but chances are good that they all have an overactive bladder.

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  14. I get them, too, though not nearly as many as you seem to get. Horny young sluts want to meet me. Hot girls, in my town! And yes, stuff to increase my penis size. And to keep it up.

    Haven't heard from the Nigerian prince in a while though.

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  15. So, which one's gonna be the lucky girl eh?

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  16. Since my son in law changed my email server, I get none. Actually, I got none before....so dunno, maybe I don't frequent the right places.

    ReplyDelete

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