EMAIL OFFERS
Modern
technology is great. I especially like
the convenience of email; it is a terrific way to communicate. I receive tons of interesting offers via
email. Just today for instance my animal
magnetism has apparently attracted the local ladies.
I’m not sure
how all these women have found me and my email address, but they sure seem
interested. Mrs. Cranky better treat me
well, because these are some of the emails I've received today:
NEW NOTIFICATION - Sexy local girls
want to meet you
They’re
local and they’re sexy and the want to meet me!
Lexi wants to hang out.
If that is
not enough,
Michelle ::) Blonde cougar wants to
have sex tonight.
I wonder how
old a cougar has to be to seek a 68 year old man. Well if that doesn’t interest me there is
always this intoxicating question from Lindsey,
Lindsey, “You’ll never guess who
wants to have sex with you tonight.”
It gets more
interesting, apparently,
Jessica is looking for a secret
relationship.
I don’t know
how I missed this Facebook alert but according to my email,
New message: alert “8 girls want to have
sex with you tonight”
And I guess
my phone is out because Samantha wants to know,
Samantha, “Why haven’t you responded
to my texts?”
I don’t know
how to get in touch with Samantha, besides there is this intriguing message
from Ashleigh Rose,
Ashleigh Rose “These woman want to
sleep with you”
Hmmm, that
is either this woman or these women either way if they want to sleep
with me what do I care if they don’t have their GED’s?
Wait, even
more choices,
Megan Best sex ever.
Is that an
offer? If not then this sure is,
Samantha Cruzz “We want to play with
you.”
We!! Is that including the other Samantha?
No doubt
about what Emily wants in this email,
Emily “I want to have sex with you.” She sent that message twice!
Or this one
from Allison,
Allison, “Come over!! My husband is
out of town!”
Tempting,
but…
Now this one
really has me wondering,
Taylor has a shocking video Apparently it’s about water pistols.
This is from Rebecca
I'm so horny!
I opened it up, apparently this water pistol squirting thing is really important.
This is from Rebecca
I'm so horny!
I opened it up, apparently this water pistol squirting thing is really important.
If I just
feel like chilling at home,
Katie just posted some new pictures.
All these emails were
delivered in less than 10 hours. Oh
well, Mrs. Cranky has nothing to worry about, I’m not about to stray…unless she
keeps calling me a jerk!
To everyone who wears or has worn a uniform in defense of the freedom which we all enjoy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE AND YOUR SACRIFICE!!
most get trapped in my spam filter, but when i scan the stuff in there, i'm always amused. :)
ReplyDeleteMy spam filter seems to pick up most of these, too. Crazy how they keep trying.
ReplyDeleteI too am thankful for those who served or are serving in our military!
ReplyDeleteHubby for a bit was getting emails about Russian brides. Rarely I'll get something for singles over 50. But you know they advertise like this because someone is taking them up on their offers......
betty
I get those too but they are all hunky guys. I'm not going to stray either. Bwahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
You're getting much better SPAM than I am. I get all sorts of ads questioning my sexual prowess, stamina and equipment. Every week I get ads promising to increase the size of my penis, and I wonder who's talking about me out there.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you concerned? I'm a woman & I get those, too!! Are you forwarding them to me?
DeleteYou need to tighten your spam controls. Remember your recent computer crash. More than STD's lurking in those emails.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. I find these in my spam, I never open them up. Since my last computer crash I will not open any site from an email, even from people I know.
DeleteSurprising to get so many emails on the same theme all in the space of a few hours.
ReplyDeleteJoanne is right, tighten up those spam controls.
Joeh, I think Mrs Cranky needs to set your Parental Controls! I wonder if anyone actually opens these spam mails?
ReplyDeleteAround here, there are "hot young men" who want to meet me. Good! They can help my husband rake leaves! He's getting tired of it.
ReplyDeleteToo funny. :-D
DeleteLOL these are too funny! It's funny you mention that about the cougar. My husband made a joke earlier today about a cougar chasing him...I didn't remind him that he's 49 and a cougar is technically someone who goes after significantly younger men. Unless you're in your 20s or 30s, that might not be such a good thing...an 80-year-old cougar. Imagine!
ReplyDeleteNow I am feeling a bit slighted. I don't get any interesting emails like those from eager males. I'm hoping it is my spam filter doing its job and not lack of interest.
ReplyDeleteWow! I wonder how your email got out. That's a lot of offers in a short period of time.
ReplyDeleteI listened to a David Sedaris audio book on a road trip this past weekend. Every offer you shared here came across in my mind sounding just as though they were read by David Sedaris. Too funny. (And a compliment, as I find him fabulously funny.)
I guess one of your previous conquests has been writing your email on the bathroom wall. Don't mean to disappoint you...but chances are good that they all have an overactive bladder.
ReplyDeleteI get them, too, though not nearly as many as you seem to get. Horny young sluts want to meet me. Hot girls, in my town! And yes, stuff to increase my penis size. And to keep it up.
ReplyDeleteHaven't heard from the Nigerian prince in a while though.
So, which one's gonna be the lucky girl eh?
ReplyDeleteSince my son in law changed my email server, I get none. Actually, I got none before....so dunno, maybe I don't frequent the right places.
ReplyDelete