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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Shoes Are to Women as Tools are to ___?


Shoes Are to Women as Tools are to ___?




Anybody?  Class…any one? 

Men...Shoes are to women as tools are to men.

In a recent post, I made fun of Mrs. Cranky’s insatiable appetite for shoes and asked the question, “What is it about women and shoes?”

http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/10/too-many-shoes.html 

One blogger, Leenie B., commented via a Shakespeare quote that everyone has their equivalent of Mrs. Cranky’s shoes.

http://bonkersycarax.blogspot.com/ (Leenie B's blog)

Who am I to argue with Shakespeare?  

Shakespeare and Lennie B. are of course correct.  In my case and in the case of many men my obsession used to be tools.

When I owned a house, and not a townhouse, I collected tools for yard work or handyman jobs around the house.  I started with a screw driver, a hammer and a shovel.  Whatever job I started to do, I never had the right screw driver, hammer or shovel.  I had to go to the hardware store and buy a hex head screw driver, or a Phillip’s head screw driver, or a larger flat head, or a ball peen hammer or a small sledge hammer, or a spade, or a small pointy shovel or etc. etc.

It never mattered what job I might tackle, I never had the right tool.

Tools became an obsession. 

I could not go to Home Depot, Lowe's, or any hardware store without buying at least one tool.  My ex-wife claimed she hated Home Depot because the testosterone overload made it hard for her to breath.

I bought multiple screw driver sets; one for the work shop, one for the shed, and one for the kitchen.  didn't ever want to be too far from the right screw driver.

Still, I always seemed to need a driver with a longer handle, or a different size.  I can’t tell how many times I used a quarter or a knife because I didn't have the right slot size.

I bought multiple hammers, many which have never struck a nail.  I bought wrenches and pliers in many styles.  The TV commercials made them look so handy.  They never worked quite as well as they did on the TV.

Then I bought wedges, pry bars, drills, saws, all of multiple sizes and shapes.  I had clamps for little tiny stuff and claps for great big stuff.  I didn't have much need for any of these but it felt good to know that if a need would arise, I had the right tool.

Then I graduated to power tools!  Oh how I loved my power tools.  Drills, table saws, jig saws, chain saws, (cue a Tim Allen ooh ooh ooh ah)   I even had a large drill press. 

The sad truth is that whenever the need would arise, I still never had the right tool.  It seems that every job ever encountered requires a special tool for that job and that job alone, and you never have that special tool.

Kind of like a shoe to go with a special outfit in different weather at a certain time of the year for a specific function.

See ladies, I really do get it.  I just think shoes are funnier than tools.

20 comments:

  1. Yes. Shoes are funny. Tools are sacred. :)

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  2. I'm done. Well, I think I am. Can't think of any tool that I presently need. Possibly might replace the jointer I sold off a few years ago.
    You should try moving to a foreign country, where you discover that some of the tools you shipped over are just wrong.
    *thinks*
    Need to have a tool sale.

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  3. SD has more tyres than I have shoes ...

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  4. My wife has quite a few shoes but she REALLY loves hardware stores.

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  5. shoes are necessities to me these days. tools are too. :)

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  6. I'm not into shoes very much. Comfortable is what I'm looking for and I'll wear them until they need tossing. I do get the men and tools though. You at least admit the similarity between the two wants/needs.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. You could use those tools to build some shoes, and make everyone happy.

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  8. Yup, I was waiting for you to mention power tools, which I never think about without hearing Tim Allen say "More power!". I suppose the equivalent in the shoe world is six-inch stiletto heels.

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  9. An I think tools are funnier than shoes. My brother in law is so enamored that he talks to the tools at Lowes and Home Depot, and then the tools answer him back, in a voice eerily like his. We keep very, very far away.

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  10. Ah but Mrs. Cranky can look down and see her shoes whenever she likes. However you... oh.. uhhh... never mind.

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  11. At least your next of kin will fight over your tools, Good Will gets the shoes. So tools may not be as funny but they do have staying power.

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  12. Never saw a gal wearing hammers on her feet. But I HAVE seen a dude using a shoe to hammer nails.

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  13. My gut tells me that men's tools are more precious than women's shoes.

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  14. Interesting theory but, well, I have no possession related obsession. I just asked Queenie, she agreed whole heartedly. Oh well.

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  15. Joe
    Dunno much about tools, mine has always been a checkbook. But...I do know your comments are welcome on my blog. Don't worry about the small shit, my friend.
    Mike

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  16. And yet some women and fix about anything with a knife from the dining room table.

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  17. "I just never seemed to have the right...."
    see there's where my obsession works just fine. Any book will do. Open it, read it, move on. On the other hand, if it is a great book, I then have to track down everything else that author has written.

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  18. I'm not sure I have a longstanding obsession like that. As a child I would collect something insatiably for a few months and then get bored with it. My partner has a thing about watches.....

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  19. Why do you need all these hammers when Mrs. Cranky has all these shoes for hammering nails into a wall???

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