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Friday, September 6, 2013

The Reciter


The Reciter
 
Have you ever watched TV with a “Reciter?”  Mrs. Cranky is a reciter. You know, a reciter, someone watching TV who has seen the movie or show before and will recite lines in a scene just before the actor does.

OK…Like you’re watching “A Few Good Men” and right at the crucial scene where Jack Nicholson loses his shit someone recites, “You want the truth, you can’t handle the truth.”  See, you know what I mean, only Mrs. Cranky then goes on to recite every last word of that scene including the lines of Tom Cruise, Kevin Bacon, and the Judge.

Creepy right?

Mrs. Cranky watches a movie twice and she knows half the dialog.  She then cannot resist proving she knows the dialog by doing her reciting thing.  There are some movies where she knows not just the key scenes, but pretty much the whole dang movie. 

She can watch “Sex and the City” for eleven seconds and tell you exactly which episode it is.

The worst are her big four movies, "Pretty Woman," “Sleeping with the Enemy,” “The Wizard of Oz,” and “My Cousin Vinnie.”  The lines to these movies are committed to her memory 100 per cent, and she will recite them with the exact feelings and inflections as the on screen version…all exactly three seconds before the TV.

She has passed this ability and habit on to her daughter, the Step-crank.  When I watch a movie with these two it is like listening to it in stereo and on echo.  Even more disturbing is when they both are watching the same movie, but in different houses.  These two whack jobs will actually be on the phone and text the lines to each other just before they are stated on the TV.

Unfortunately there is no way to capitalize on this talent.  I keep hoping there will be a new quiz show, “Recite That Line!”

Contestants will be given a movie title and a scene in that movie.  They then compete for how few words in an actor’s line they will hear before they can complete the scene.

“Ok contestants, here is the movie, “The Green Mile,” Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks) meets John Coffee (Michael Clark Duncan) for the first time.

Sally?”

“I could recite that line after three words.”

“Mrs. Cranky?”

“Paul Edgecomb: Your name is John Coffey?

John Coffee: Yes sir boss. Like the drink, only not spelled the same.

Paul Edgecomb: Oh, you can spell can you?

John Coffee: Just my name boss. J-O...”

“Whoa, that is good enough Mrs. Cranky, you are the winner!”

She would make a fortune!!!

15 comments:

  1. I am really impressed. I can watch something over and over (like those stupid commercials) and still not remember the words. Quite a talent.

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  2. Which reminds me....I need to re-visit My Cousin Vinnie. I LOVE that movie. But except for the term "The Two Yoots" I can't recite the lines like Mrs. Cranky. That's a really impressive talent, actually. :)

    S

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  3. i admit to reciting lines to my cousin vinnie and silverado.

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  4. I could hear a line a thousand times and still have to paraphrase it.

    Thank goodness for copy and paste.

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  5. Step-crank … HAHaaaaaa… what is it that you and Mrs. Cranky do together you enjoy…. ? gotta be something

    whack job? man? she OBViously doesn't read your blog…

    Recite That Line … well? that would certainly be a Reciter's dream… offer that idea to GSN… they're still playing reruns of The Pyramid with Dick Clark…

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  6. One line I do remember is:
    "We'll need a bigger boat."

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  7. My cousin does the exact same thing with the Wizard of Oz. She makes a really goof Cowardly Lion.

    Even worse is what Frank does to me. He tends to talk over the next several lines because he seems to think that he needs to explain the previous one to me. We're watching a scene unfold and he'll repeat what happened and the reason.. just in case I didn't get it. I tell him that I understand the evolving plot and then he admits that he was just cementing it in his own head. By then, we've missed some key elements which followed.

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  8. My boys could probably recite all the "Get Smart" shows ever run!!

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  9. With all due respect to Mrs. Cranky, I imagine this trait could be very irritating. As for Pretty Woman, what a stupid movie---but one my Mrs. C. loves beyond measure. To think that a prostitute would get her panties in a bunch because a client treats her like an expensive call girl. For a prostitute that's probably as good as it gets.

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  10. That would actually be a pretty neat quiz show. Hubby isn't a reciter, but he's a plot spoiler. He likes to tell me the endings of movies I haven't seen. He doesn't seem to realize he does this becase he'll usually ask me if I saw an ending coming. Yep, I can totally see it coming when he TELLS me ahead of time. Imagine if he and Mrs. Cranky watched a movie together!

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  11. My kids are like that with lyrics to songs. Amazes me as I have enough trouble just remembering the name of a movie, never mind actually reciting them.

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  12. I confess to reciting the lines to True Grit. The original John Wayne version. I can't help myself.

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  13. If I had never heard my daughter and her friend doing that, I probably would have thought you were slightly exaggerating. But nooo, I know you are telling the truth.

    t is hysterical to hear my daughter and her friend recite the entire Lion King and Princess Diaries along with the DVD.

    Keep holding out for that game show. You "may" want to make a few calls with hopes of getting a connection with someone in the biz. :)

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  14. All the more reason for having a dog and not a wife!

    Remember if you put your dog and wife in the trunk of your car and come back an hour later who is happy to see you?

    I rest my case: all rise!

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