THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, September 1, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 090113
STUPID HEADLINES 090113
is time once again for:
How do they do it?
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
Anna Kendrick recommends drinking on a first date 'if sex
is off the table' – So
on her first date she usually has sex on a table?
Live grenade found near McDonald's in Vermont – Fast food
chain decides to discontinue the “McPineapple.”
New York Yankee Alex Rodriquez admits to taking performance enhancing drugs
- Yankee third baseman then sues manufacturers of these drugs for their
complete failure to enhance his performance.
Only missed by a foot!
Connecticut man, 81, accidentally shoots self after
sneezing – Man swears he
didn’t know his nose was loaded.
Will Bernanke Announce Policy Changes
in Jackson Hole? – Oh no, I am not going to touch this one!
RI police arrest man naked and covered in Crisco* – Man wanted to join the Friars Club.
All 25,000 students who took University of Liberia
admission test fail – It
is a one question test, “Do you want to attend the University of Liberia?”
Atheists Call 9-11 Memorial Cross
I’ve got better shit to do than these ass holes, and I’m retired!
Teresa And Joe
Giudice Freak Out Over $5 Beach Fees – She is a “Real
Housewife of New Jersey?” Doesn’t everyone from New Jersey know you go in the
water when the beach-badge girl comes around!
Kim Jong-un's ex-girlfriend reportedly executed by firing
squad – You do not say,
“It’s not you; it’s me" to Kim Jong-un.**
Zimmerman's wife needs to 'think about' staying married –
Just don’t use your “Thinking Hoodie!”
owes Obama $312.46– Better pay up, he is the Commander-in-chief!
Video from Egypt shows Muslim mob attacking Christian
church, taking down cross– Big deal; just don’t draw a cartoon of
**I apologize for making fun of this
atrocity.Kim’s ex and several others
were machine gunned down for participating in a “pornographic film.”They did not define “pornography.”The family members of these women were forced
to watch the execution and were then sent to Korean Prison Camps.
Kim Jong-un is a disgusting, deranged,
fat, shrived-dick pig. ___________________________
Last week’s fake headline was:
declares, “I am drug and alcohol free!”– Well they do say the first 15 minutes
is the hardest!