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Monday, September 30, 2013

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN - a cranky re-run

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN
This re-run for Cranky Monday Re-run is from August 2011

Would you play football against a team that was allowed to field twenty-two players against your eleven?  Would you play baseball against a team that was allowed six outs an inning to your three?  Would you play poker against someone who started every hand with Aces to your 7-2?  Then I ask you, men, why do you argue with a woman?

You can’t argue with a woman because they make up the rules.

Men, when you get grief because you left your underwear on the floor don’t ask “what is the big deal?”  The big deal is you ALWAYS leave your underwear on the floor.

RULE #1 When you do something wrong, you ALWAYS do it wrong.

RULE #2 When you forget to do something, you NEVER remember to do it.

Rule #3 Do not compare what you did or didn’t do to your lady. 

For instance:  “But you sometimes leave your panties on the floor.”

Dude….you just compared your disgusting u-trow to your ladies panties!  Men’s underwear/ladies panties; apples and oranges, or more accurately thorn bush and lilacs.

Rule #4 For every complaint that you have a valid response, she will not acknowledge, but will hit you with another of your screw-ups totally out of context.  Responding to complaints is like being the ball in a pinball machine, and she is the flipper.

Rule #5 There is a three day window to bring up any wife’s screw-up.  Husband’s mistakes have an unlimited shelf life.  If you were wrong eight years ago you are still wrong, and it will be brought up!

Rule #6 If an argument involves a time, date, or year you are wrong.

Rule #7 Hearsay evidence is only immiscible for the wife.  What her girl friend says counts, what your stupid deadbeat drunken friends say carries no weight.

Rule #8 If you raise your voice, it is because you know you are wrong.

Rule #9 If you remain calm, you are a controlling unemotional egotistical jerk.

Rule #10 If she cries, the argument is over and you lost.

The most important rule of all:

WHEN YOU WIN YOU LOSE!!  Even if you have a really comfortable couch.  When you win you lose.
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Full disclosure requires I say that experiences that led to the above post were ALL pre-Mrs. Cranky!  Mrs. Cranky also requires I make this statement!

11 comments:

  1. ...and with SOME women you lose even when you don't argue

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  2. morning, Cranky ... panties on the floor? seriously

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  3. SD FOLDS his underwear and puts it in the washing basket or away - typical man removing a valid argument lever ...

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  4. Hilarious post! I just had a discussion with the hubby on his lunch break because I asked him to do a man chore on Saturday and he told me he'd do it later. I noticed this morning that he hadn't yet completed it and he told me that he told me he'd do it later, but it wasn't later yet...Men!

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  5. My rule - - with my husband and my kids is that if I don't find something in the hamper I don't wash it. He can do without clean underwear if he leaves them on the floor LOL.

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  6. The flip side of saying "I do" on your wedding day is "I lose" every argument with her in the future. And God help you if you're foolish enough to use logic on her.

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  7. To paraphrase a great movie line, "What logic? We don't need no stinkin' logic!!"

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  8. It's about time somebody put this advice out there. You could actually run this once a month, as a public service.

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  9. All these rules are correct and valid. I see no fault with them.

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  10. I thought I had this one figured out, but my wife caught on. She'd start, and I'd say, "I know, that was so wrong of me. I promise I'll be more considerate in the future. Please forgive me."

    Now she comes back with, "OK, do you even know what you did?"

    DOH! Now I STILL have to listen to her 15 minute rant to know what to apologize for.

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