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Sunday, September 8, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 090813


STUPID HEADLINES 090813

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 
"I only killed him a little bit!"

 


 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. 

 

No headlines are fake this week.

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Man scammed out of $5 million lottery ticket in 2006 to receive winnings – New York man expects to make an even bigger fortune collecting tolls on the bridge he bought which connects Brooklyn to Manhattan.

Ray Lewis believes Super Bowl blackout was done to hurt RavensOne of the best LB in NFL history demonstrates need for better helmets.

2 men accused of trying to steal ivy from Wrigley Field – Men’s lawyer claim it is a case of entrapment, “Clearly the ivy was just a plant!”

Minnesota teen cheerleader pleads guilty to prostitution charges – “Two, four, six, eight, I get paid to fornicate!”

US swimmer Diana Nyad, 64, nearing end of Cuba-Florida swim – Oh these crazy kids today, they’ll try just about anything! (Oh, and she made it!!)

91-year-old World War II veteran retires after 65 years of working on the railroad – So he was really working “all the LIVE LONG day.”

Kansas girl, 11, rescues stepsister from bottom of pool – Bravo, eleven year old Kansas girl, Bravo…not a stupid headline, just one I really like!

Large sinkhole that swallowed briefly trapped woman in car costs northwest Ohio city $100,000 – Seems to me a foolish expenditure.  They could have done without the large sinkhole and saved that woman a lot of trouble!


British property developer investigating reports of skyscraper’s glare melting cars – Someone had to hire the worst engineer in the world.

Secretary of State John Kerry testified on Tuesday that failing to strike Syria in response to a chemical weapons attack would open a "Pandora's box" of "dangerous consequences – Dominoes…Weapons of mass destruction…Pandora’s box…hmmm I’m thinking…no, not this time.

One million cockroaches flee China farmHow’ya gonna keep em down on the farm after they’ve seen the Bronx?

Weiner Attacked at Mayoral Debate After Calling Opponent 'Grandpa' – Gee, I never considered being a Grandpa to be a negative thing, but then I think a person that takes pictures of his dick and texts them to multiple women while their wife is about to give birth, then apologizes only to keep doing it for another year is an asshole!

Snake Found In Starbucks Toilet – I thought you ordered a crapachino.

School's virginity test proposal brings outrage from education officials – Indonesian school was unable to find any virgins to test.

  

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No one correctly guessed last week’s fake headline:

New York Yankee Alex Rodriquez admits to taking performance enhancing drugs - Yankee third baseman then sues manufacturers of these drugs for their complete failure to enhance his performance.
A-Rod admitted to steroids in 2003 but has been steadfast in his denial of current charges.  I was just checking if any sports fans were reading; apparently not.  

9 comments:

  1. I vote for the cockroaches. Did you know that the guys who built the building that melts things also built a hotel in Las Vegas that did the same thing to folks down by the pool.

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  2. so you're not even going to make us try this week...

    guess we're tired and cranky. :)

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  3. I hate that Weiner guy. Ugh. Do you think that perhaps his name influenced him to be a scumbag as an adult? It had to have something to do with it. I'm sorry to all the "Weiner" surnamers out there, but sheesh....if I married a guy with that last name I would for certain give my kids MY maiden name as a last name. I just think of all the giggles in school when my kid's name is called during roll call....nope, I just couldn't do it. They'd get my maiden name, for sure.

    I miss trying to guess the fake headline. I'll admit that I've slacked entering it for the past...oh, I don't know....6 times? Yeah, I suck. I know. But if you bring it back, I promise I'll participate!!

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  4. Bring back the fake headline--I promise I win't vote again!!

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  5. Your editorial views are cracking me up today. Love the planted ivy and the fornicating cheer!

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  6. I enjoy your fake headline feature even though I'm rotten at figuring out the fake one.

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  7. "Minnesota teen cheerleader pleads guilty to prostitution charges"

    What gave her away? The fact she was the only kid in the 8th grade who drove her own Bentley? ;)

    S

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  8. Two four six eight... in stitches! I love Stupid Headline Sunday.

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  9. It's hard to choose a favorite. The cockroaches, the crapochino, the cheerleader, and the worst engineer are my standouts.

    Of course the little girl hero is a winner.

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