STUPID HEADLINES 090813
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
|"I only killed him a little bit!"|
No headlines are fake this week.
Ray Lewis believes Super Bowl blackout was done to hurt Ravens – One of the best LB in NFL history demonstrates need for better helmets.
2 men accused of trying to steal ivy from Wrigley Field – Men’s lawyer claim it is a case of entrapment, “Clearly the ivy was just a plant!”
Minnesota teen cheerleader pleads guilty to prostitution charges – “Two, four, six, eight, I get paid to fornicate!”
US swimmer Diana Nyad, 64, nearing end of Cuba-Florida swim – Oh these crazy kids today, they’ll try just about anything! (Oh, and she made it!!)
91-year-old World War II veteran retires after 65 years of working on the railroad – So he was really working “all the LIVE LONG day.”
Kansas girl, 11, rescues stepsister from bottom of pool – Bravo, eleven year old Kansas girl, Bravo…not a stupid headline, just one I really like!
Large sinkhole that swallowed briefly trapped woman in car costs northwest Ohio city $100,000 – Seems to me a foolish expenditure. They could have done without the large sinkhole and saved that woman a lot of trouble!
British property developer investigating reports of skyscraper’s glare melting cars – Someone had to hire the worst engineer in the world.
Secretary of State John Kerry testified on Tuesday that failing to strike Syria in response to a chemical weapons attack would open a "Pandora's box" of "dangerous consequences – Dominoes…Weapons of mass destruction…Pandora’s box…hmmm I’m thinking…no, not this time.
One million cockroaches flee China farm – How’ya gonna keep em down on the farm after they’ve seen the Bronx?
Weiner Attacked at Mayoral Debate After Calling Opponent 'Grandpa' – Gee, I never considered being a Grandpa to be a negative thing, but then I think a person that takes pictures of his dick and texts them to multiple women while their wife is about to give birth, then apologizes only to keep doing it for another year is an asshole!
Snake Found In Starbucks Toilet – I thought you ordered a crapachino.
School's virginity test proposal brings outrage from education officials – Indonesian school was unable to find any virgins to test.
No one correctly guessed last week’s fake headline:
New York Yankee Alex Rodriquez admits to taking performance enhancing drugs - Yankee third baseman then sues manufacturers of these drugs for their complete failure to enhance his performance.A-Rod admitted to steroids in 2003 but has been steadfast in his denial of current charges. I was just checking if any sports fans were reading; apparently not.