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Monday, September 23, 2013

WE NEED TO TALK - a Cranky re-run

WE NEED TO TALK

This Cranky Monday Re-run is from September 2011

The four words most feared by man are “We need to talk.”  No pleasant conversation ever follows “We need to talk.”  “We need to talk” means you did something really bad, something that is making your woman very unhappy. 
“We need to talk” means you did or are doing something not just today, or yesterday, but at least a week ago.  You did something that has slowly festered in your lady’s mind.  She has tried to overlook it.  She has tried to forgive you.  She hoped you would correct what you did and apologize to her for what you did.

Oh yes, you were given the opportunity to fix the problem, but you ignored the “nothing” response when you asked her what is the matter.  You had a second chance, but you shrugged your shoulders when she said “If you don’t know, I'm not going to tell you!” 

You had your chances, now the issue has come to a head and

“We need to talk.”
“We need to talk” means “I need to talk, you need to listen.”  Any response of yours that begins with “But," "I never," "I didn’t know," "I tried," "I forgot," or "what the fuck” will get you a week on the couch, or even worse an appointment with a couples counselor.

Today, while I was reading a book by the pool, my wife leaned over and out of the blue said, “We need to talk.” 

I had no prior warning. 

My vast experience to the “We need to talk” conversation starter told me this was not good, this was very bad.
I thought Mrs. Cranky and I had a relationship without secrets or disguised feelings.  I now assumed I was wrong.  Immediately I apologized for whatever it was that I did.

“Yes, we need to talk, but before we do, I am very sorry, I had no idea how much I hurt you by my actions and I promise I will never make you feel hurt, betrayed or embarrassed again.  I promise!”
“What the Hell are you talking about?  We need to talk about the trip to Disney.  Do you want the regular pass, or the Hopper?”

“Oh.....ah, never mind.....I think the regular pass.”  

“What did you do? Why are you apologizing?”
“Nothing….really….nothing!”

“Hmmm….WE NEED TO TALK!

13 comments:

  1. It's even worse when the offended party -- this time my husband, says, just before going out, "When I get back, we need to talk" -- that just ruins the day!

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  2. Hilarious headlines. I am thinking the fake headline must be 1 in 8 workers will never retire. I don't think 1 in 8 people even work these days.

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  3. I hated to hear ... we need to talk ... from an employer.

    I really hated the you're an employee and I'm the employer talk.

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  4. I'm really lucky - have only heard those words a few times in my life. Definitely not a good thing - usually.

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  5. Yes - never good words. Except when discussing the logistics of a trip to Disneyland!
    My husband and I always say "I'll tell you later", but we never remember to tell the other person later.

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  6. Who would have thought that a Cranky Old Blogger would be such an expert on personal relationships. I learn so much when I visit here. Have a good week but when it's over we need to talk....

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  7. Does the "We need to talk" necessarily involve 2 people or is it OK to just let my husband talk to himself?

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  8. Lol - Words I'd love hubby to say - he doesnt talk much generally!

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  9. Hey Cranky - yes that bowling stadium is where the Kingpin was filmed. They've filmed many movies scenes there - just about any time they have a bowling scene.

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  10. Brillant! You have outdone yourself again. If you keep on like this you will end up with a Pulitzer. And then what?

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  11. Been there. Hated it! It's like when your mother calls you by ALL your names. You know it's gonna be bad. Glad your brush with death ended with only a trip to Disney. Bad as that is, it could have been much worse. :)

    S

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  12. None of that sweet anticipa-a-tion with me! I let it fly the minute I detect the problem.

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