YOU’RE GROUNDED!
Cranky Opinion Saturday
Warning!! The following parental
advice comes from a cranky old man with no accredited expertise in child
rearing whatsoever. He has been at least
partially responsible for bringing three human beings into the world as
productive citizens who have never been arrested for a crime or been targeted
as major drug abusers*. He is currently
working on a fourth and hoping for similar results.
Opposing opinions are welcome, wrong, but welcome and please no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid head.
Opposing opinions are welcome, wrong, but welcome and please no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid head.
How do you
punish your children in today’s world where any form of physical abuse can be
reported and you may lose your child to social services? You can’t verbally abuse them either. Many
children know all this and even threaten to report and or sue parents that do
not follow acceptable parenting practices.
You can
withhold their allowance. Somehow kids
manage to still get what they need. You
can take away TV privileges. That means you also have to take away their phone,
i-pad, i-pod, and PC.
These
punishments just don’t work. Without these electronic toys, they will drive you crazy and they won’t be able to do their school work.
You can
ground your child.
Grounding is
the most useless punishment of all.
Essentially it is an extended “time-out” which is often successful with
toddlers.
Grounding to
a teen is a joke. A teens first reaction to almost anything is to rebel. Grounding is giving them something extra to rebel against.
A grounded teen will
either sit out his punishment with all his fancy electronics and do their time
as easy as standing on their heads;
Or
They will
pester you with constant questions and whining and the “grounding” will be more
torture for the parents than the teen.
TV shows always
make grounding look like an effective disciplinary tool. When a TV teen acts up the TV dad always just
calmly says,
“That is it young lady, you’re
grounded…one week.”
“THAT’s not fair daddy!”
“Not fair? Make it two weeks!”
“BUT…”
“Wanna try for four weeks?”
“No daddy.”
I guarantee
these scenes are written by idealistic young people who are not yet parents
themselves. I wonder how many young real
parents fall for this great TV fantasy scenario.
In real
life, after the “Not fair? Make it two
weeks” decree, the teen’s response is,
“You might as well make it ten years,
my life is over, I wish I was never born!”
This is
followed by slammed doors, broken stuff, hysterical crying, and ultimately
results in participating in a Dr. Phil segment where the parents are forced to
read “Life Code,” Dr. Phil’s latest best seller which is published by his son
(Dr. Phil works that into every show he does.)
What is the
answer to disciplining a teen?
It starts
the day you bring your child home from the hospital. Parents have to be in control, have to be the
leaders of their pack, and have to have the child’s absolute respect. Parents have to be firm but fair from day
one. They have to be calm assertive and
the child needs to be calm submissive.
(See Cesar Millan “The Dog Whisperer.”)
When this
relationship is established, discipline is simply a matter of showing
disappointment.
My dad never
raised his voice (hardly ever.) If any
of his children were caught misbehaving he would get a look in his eye and his
body language would scream DISSAPOINTMENT.
When dad was disappointed and even HURT
by our behavior it was a punishment worse than any yelling, beating, or
grounding could ever be.
After the
look of hurt, came the explanation of the why, and the “don’t let me hear of
this again.”
That was it!
You want to
discipline your teen, start before he can walk.
Be a leader; be calm, be fair, be firm, and be consistent. When you make a mistake, admit it. When they are teens, they will fear your
disappointment more than any punishment.
And you
don’t have to be perfect, you just need to try.
Or, you can
ground them…good luck!
The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky.
The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky.
*Not to my knowledge
Yes, that sounds good, no one likes to disappoint. But wouldn't it work even better if you withheld their banana ration as well?
ReplyDeleteLOL! I love that you compare child discipline to training a dog! Very accurate, if a little disturbing.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree Joe, as far as I'm concerned grounding is far more of a punishment for parents than children and is something I've only resorted to once (after the infamous non party episode) but I think my extreme disappointment was far more of a punishment for Miss Mac.
ReplyDeleteWell, I had excellent success with taking back everything electronic, down to the last plug. Earning them back, one at a time, by respectful behavior. I only had to do it once.
ReplyDeleteBut then, I'm the grandmother.
My kids (who are only 7) are terrified of being 'grounded' because they keep seeing it on TV and movies - even though I've told them what it means. When one of my kids admitted to me something she did recently she asked tearfully, "Are you going to ground me?" She's 7. Where does she ever go that I'm going to ground her??
ReplyDeleterespect. that's the key. we respected our parents and they never laid a hand on us or really had to punish us at all.
ReplyDeleteBenjamin Franklin was many things but a great father he was not. He once said that the best way to raise a teenager is to stuff them in a barrel and push food through a small opening until they're no longer a teenager, at which point you can let them out. This isn't abuse, is it?
ReplyDeleteMy parents believed in the 'spare the rod; spoil the child' method along with how imperfect and shameful my not being perfect was. grounding? that would have been novel!
ReplyDeleteTheir method resulted in my being a heading into the 60's rebel. Just showed scenes from Rebel Without a Cause on TMC… wow was that 1955?
My dad once told me he was very disappointed in my behavior. That hurt more than any spanking my mom ever gave me!!
ReplyDeleteI've never grounded my kids... i knew they'd just find ways around it... like you said, i started when they were young, i gained their respect... and it's my disappointment they fear most...... i think it worked, i've got pretty good kids (not perfect - but who cares about that) but they are what i would consider upstanding citizens.... the value my presence too... :)
ReplyDeleteI received an occasional spanking up until my early elementary years, and was never grounded once. I am pleased to report that I turned out to be a fine upstanding citizen, and harbor no ill will toward my spankers. They made a valedictorian out of me. Different strokes for different folks' kids.
ReplyDeleteAMEN, Cranky. Grounding not only is silly but it means there has to be a parent to enforce the confinement. That's usually more punishment for the parent that the offender.
ReplyDeleteExcellent parenting Cranky. Today too many parents want to be their kid's best friend. That needs to wait until they're grown.
ReplyDelete