THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Thursday, September 12, 2013
CELL PHONES DON’T DO WELL IN COKE
CELL PHONES DON’T DO
WELL IN COKE
What did we
ever do in the good old days before cell phones?Yes we abuse them, talking when we don’t need
to and texting for no apparent reason, but in the pinch, when we really need
them they are the greatest invention ever!
ago, when I needed it the most, my cell phone failed me.
went back even further.Eight years ago
my brother invited me to watch a PGA golf tournament at the East Lake Golf Club
near his Atlanta Ga. Home.It was there
that I bought some souvenirs including a small PGA pin.
one year from that golf tournament, and in the car, my eight year old son was playing with this PGA
pin.He lost the backing of the
pin.I put the pin in a cup holder until
I could find the backing.
another year, (visualize if you will a clock running very quickly) and I was on
a trip to my daughter’s home in North Carolina.It is normally an eight hour trip from New Jersey to North Carolina, but
I hit traffic and as I neared her home it was dark.I was tired so I pulled into a rest stop and
bought a large cup of coke to caffeinate my brain.Then, somewhere on my way…
I got lost.
Carolina is a beautiful state, but it is not a great state in which to get lost.My daughter lived in a new development which
was surrounded by woods, farms, and houses whose yards had grass growing
through tractors and old rusted cars.I
decided to use my cell phone to call my daughter and have her guide me to her
phone was in the cup holder behind the large cup of coke.The large cup of coke that was in the forward
cup holder had been punctured by the pin I bought at the golf tournament at my
brothers which my son had lost the backing from and which I had placed in my
forward cup holder.The coke which
leaked from the large cup of coke found its way into the cup holder which held
my cell phone. My cell phone was
bathing in coke.
do not do well in coke.
Being lost on
a back road in North Carolina in the dark will do strange things to one’s
I chose to
curse at my brother for inviting me to that PGA golf tournament…
Then I got
angry with my eight year hold for farting around with the pin.
kicked myself for being so stupid to leave a pin in my cup holder and later
jamming a cup of coke into the pin. Dumb-ass!!!
None of this
blame crap was getting me to my daughter’s house.I was driving in despair down a country road
hoping I could find civilization and a phone before my gas tank hit empty. Out of nowhere
I spotted a cute little house with a well-manicured yard in between two shacks
which looked like they may have been owned by Jed Clampett before the“crude came a bubbling up from the ground.”
A light was
on in this cute little house and a silhouette by the light showed a young women
reading by the light and enjoying a glass of wine.
into the driveway of this oasis in a hillbilly dessert, got out of my car,
walked to the door and rang the bell.A
very pretty young lady answered the door and she was greeted by the sight of a
tired, unshaven, unkempt, disheveled, cranky old man with a pitiful look
holding up a dripping cell phone.
“May ah help you?”
“Ah yes, I am from New Jersey” (somehow being from New Jersey gets
you sympathy in other parts of this country) “and my phone is out.It is
drenched in coke, actually.I wonder if
I could use your phone to call my daughter.She lives around here, but I am hopelessly lost.”
“Why sure, come rait on in, use mah
phone rait heyar.”
I called my
daughter and she directed me to her house which was less than two miles away.
(and very cute) lady, was all alone yet she still let me inside her home and
trusted me with her phone. Without her
hospitality I may have spent the night asleep in a jeep with an empty gas tank
in the middle of what to this NJ boy was “Deliverance-ville.”
I told my
daughter it sure is nice visiting a state where the people were so friendly,
hospitable and trusting.
told me that if it were her, she would have bolted the door and dialed 9-1-1
before I could have said howdy through the peephole!