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Monday, September 16, 2013

Fashion Rules For Men - a Cranky re-run

Fashion Rules For Men
 This re-run is from September 2012

Last week Mrs. C. and I were going to a sleazy bar with friends to watch her favorite lounge entertainer (Tom Parella, an incredible acoustic guitar player and vocalist of ‘60’s, ‘70’s and 80’s music extraordinaire

In preparation for this event, I took a chance and dressed myself.  In the usual men’s fashion thinking I chose my favorite shorts, olive green, and my favorite golf shirt, gray.  When Mrs. Cranky saw my outfit she responded in the usual woman’s tactful way, “You’re not going to wear that!  Are you?”

“Why no” I answered somewhat chuffed* (I had to get that word in.  All the UK and Aussie mums use it); “I just thought it would be funny and everyone could have a good chuckle!” 

Actually being somewhat cranky I responded, “Yes, why the frig not?  Is there a fashion law?  Who makes those fashion laws?  The gay dudes on project runway who wear scarves, berets, striped balloon pants and silk shirts opened up to their belly buttons?  Sorry my balloon pants are at the cleaner, I lost my beret and it’s too friggin hot to wear a scarf!”

“Well OK!  I guess you ARE going to wear that….JERK!”

What is it with fashion?  Why is something that was chic, and in good taste in 2008 the stupidest, ugliest, dumbest combination of garments ever imagined in 2012? 

What is good taste?  Who decides?  Is it the same clown who convinced the world that Earth Shoes will make you live longer?  Who are the hemline police?  Why are wide lapels dumb one year and sophisticated the next?  Why can rock stars, movie stars, and artists wear whatever the fuck they want and it is always in style? Who owns the color wheel?  Why do 55% of the world (women and gay men) get to decide what men can wear?  I for one am going to rebel!


Olive green and gray go together just fine.

White socks and shorts are stylish.

The best way to dress up is find your favorite pants, your favorite shirt, your favorite socks, your favorite shoes and wear them!

New York Yankee hats make any outfit even better.

A vertical striped shirt can be worn with horizontal striped pants.

Tight pants and anything leather is just wrong.

Feathers are not allowed with the exception of a two inch plume on the side of a hat.

Anything with a flowered pattern is unacceptable.

A tee shirt worn with a sports coat is allowed only if you are a pretentious asshole.

The most important fashion rule for men….If you give a rat’s ass about what you wear you are thinking way too much!  Stop thinking; just wear what your wife tells you.

*Lou, my UK transplant friend tells me chuffed means proud...NOT IN JOISEY!!      


  1. I think it was because of Tom Parella. Your outfit would have been fine if it was just a sleazy bar. LOL

  2. Not comlicated at all - Stop thinking and wear what your wife tell you!

  3. Just don't wear an outfit that matches your wife's--you're too old for mother & daughter clothes!!


  4. The last wife that told me how to dress is no longer a wife.
    Of course that was only one of our little differences (IYKWIM).

  5. I have my shorts, and a tee shirt that reads, "Out of Beer. Life is Crap." It works in all sleazy bars - as long as you dump the Yankee cap.

  6. Fashion designers spend a lot of time figuring out what normal people want to wear and then they move in the opposite direction. Whatever average middle age guys do is automatically uncool.

  7. 90% of my clothes come mail order from LL Bean...colored t-shirts and comfortable shorts. And everything is "wash 'n wear", whether the label says so or not.

    I figure if anyone wants to criticize my wardrobe, they can give me their credit card and I'll listen to them. Otherwise....:P


  8. I hope you have a pair of camouflage Crocs to wear with your olive green and gray ensemble. Be sure to put the strap behind your heel.

  9. If you have lots of money, you can dress as you please and go anywhere... if you don't have money but people don't realize it because you're arrogant ~ you can wear anything you please... If you're hot … poor or rich, you can dress as you please.

    If you're ugly and poor? you need to go with someone who isn't. and then it's okay.

    If you're married and your wife is sensitive to the above, and you love her and want to make her smile and proud... then you do as she says.

    all in the book of Wife Rules.

  10. HA! In our house, I don't tell hubby what to wear unless he asks, and he doesn't tell me what to wear. (And since he's color blind, he does sometimes ask.)

    I'm pretty sure I saw that singer perform in a very informal setting when I was in college. He was in one of the larger rooms in the student union performing... just him and his guitar, and a bunch of us gathered around him. Loved him! If it's the same guy, one of his more popular songs was "Bottle of Wine."


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