COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN

COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN

There have been countless number of articles written about how men do not know how to communicate with women.  These articles are primarily written by and read by women.  Since this communication discussion is primarily read by women, the subject should be about women not knowing how to communicate with a man.

The problem with communication between genders is women speak a different language from men.  Women’s language is far more complicated than men’s and therefore it is women who need to adjust their communication skills.

Women speak with more than words.  They interpret tones, inflections, facial expressions and hand gestures.  Women infer information from a person’s skin tone and they even use their sense of smell.  They can smell fear, nervousness, confidence, or insincerity in another person.  A man understands only words, and words to a man mean exactly what the dictionary says they mean.

So women, here are some rules in communicating with a man:

1.     Please…stop playing coy!  “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you!”

HE DOESN'T FRICKING KNOW….FRICKING TELL HIM!

2.     Use your words.  He does not see your raised eyebrow and if he does it only means:

YOU RAISED YOUR EYEBROW!

3.     When you dig your fingernails into his arm to get his attention his first thought which WILL be verbalized is:

“THAT FRICKING HURTS!”

4.     When you whisper so others will not hear, he will ask you to:

“SPEAK UP!”  And he will ask you loudly.

5.     When you raise your voice to make a point he will ask:

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING?”

6.     If you say you will be ready to leave a party in a minute he will:

EXPECT TO LEAVE IN 60 SECONDS

There are times when words are not interpreted by their dictionary meaning:

7.     “No” means:

MAYBE, SO KEEP TRYING

8.     “NO!! you fucking Neanderthal asshole” means:

MAYBE, SO KEEP TRYING

9.    “No!!  And if you  keep that up and I will cut off your dick” Means:

“NO...But I should probably try again later.”   

10.                        “No!! And if you don’t stop, after I cut off your dick I will put the rest of you through a wood chipper you fucking Neanderthal asshole”  Means:

 “No!...I think.”