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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Observations from the Jersey Shore

Observations from the Jersey Shore

My summer “Change of venue” is ending.  I love the shore, but it is time to get home.  The following are things I have learned during this vacation at “The Shore”

Getting hit with sea gull shit is not good luck.

Old Men will stare at women on the beach who are wearing less than their underwear…Get over it!

The ocean is different every day.

When you get hit by a large wave, sand will find and fill your butt crack.

Children under four are never happy for more than fifteen minutes at a time.

Pavlov could have completed his “Bell” study in two days at the beach.

I hate the ice cream man.

Life guards are on a power trip with their freaking whistles.

All drownings occur when the power-trip life guards are off duty.

People should pay attention to the annoying life guards.

Fat people should not wear bikinis or speedos…They interrupt my staring at women wearing less than their underwear.

People cannot walk past a fisherman without asking “Catch anything?”… “Do you see any fish?”

“That’s OK lady I don’t mind sand in my face, by all means don’t say anything to your five year old brat with the shovel.”

Eight dollars for miniature golf?  I don’t think so.

Sand gets really fricking hot after 7 hours in the 98 degree sun…who knew?

Fat men are often seen in the company of thin hot women, never the other way around…It’s good to be a man! 

Bye Bye Lavalette New Jersey
 #1 Crank and her three crankettes
Cranky Old Man behind the 4 Cranks
All the cranks and crankettes...Mrs C on the camera...what Sun?

Grandpa Joe and the crankettes


  1. That's my Jersey Shore! Homesick for anyplace that looks like my hometown of LBI.

  2. Good lookin' crew you've got there. Looks like you all got pleasantly toasted. :)


  3. And a good time was had by all. Looks like a great East Coast bunch you have there.

  4. You have some fine looking Cranklets. How many old men did you catch staring at #1 Crank?

  5. Good looking bunch you have there Cranky. So happy to see all the little crankettes wearing Rashies..should have them on the bottom half too though..and why are you looking so grumpy? The kids can't be that heavy..bahahaha.

  6. love the photos, joe... thanks for sharing...
    and yep, men will stare regardless - (i was raised with 9 brothers - so i get the guy thing)...

  7. Awww I LOVE these photos! What a good looking group!

    I think The Cranks would make a great reality tv show. Perfect title, humor, real life situations and throw in some flashback scenes of your family stories of growing up...and it would be a hit! Well, I'd watch it, anyway. Hey, maybe I could guest star in an episode once or twice? Since it was my idea, you'd owe me. Okay, maybe not guest star.... but I could at least be an extra in the background, if that's all you got for me, I'd take it. If not that, then at least put my name in the credits somewhere at the end of the show. The credit line can roll super fast so no one would really see my name, so that would really not be a big deal at all to do. What? You won't even do that for me? Well lets just forget the whole idea, then. The show would be a flop, anyway, cancelled after the pilot episode. A flop! Do you hear that? Flop as in Failure. Oh wait....since it would have been my would be MY failure. Where was I going with this comment, anyway? Oh yea...

    You have a beautiful family :)

  8. I am sure you had fun. Now it is time to go home and get the rest that you went on vacation to get.

  9. Love the picture of Grandpa Joe and the Crankettes. It looks like that picture was about to go to hell in about two seconds. Grandpa Joe looks like he's trying to herd cats. Fun picture.

  10. " ....Getting hit with sea gull shit is not good luck. ...."

    Disagree - it could have missed you! Look at all the terrain around you for miles and in all that space it was lucky enough to seek you out and endow you with its dressing!


  11. From someone who spent 20-straight summers at the Sea Isle City beach, I can totally relate to your entire list.

    This is one I never really thought of until you mentioned it:

    People cannot walk past a fisherman without asking “Catch anything?”… “Do you see any fish?”

    So true! They must either love it or hate it!

  12. like the pic of you & the 4 kids. where was i when that was taken? don't remember that one at all. it would have been saturday, the 7th, (oh sorry, that's the other blog). i know i was there that day. hmmmm