Monday, July 23, 2012
Tonight Mrs. C. and I ordered Chinese food for dinner. There are several reasons why we love Chinese food for dinner. The food is delicious. The food is inexpensive. The food is ordered on the phone and delivered to your door.
There are drawbacks to Chinese food.
I used to call in my order and then pick it up at the restaurant. I had to stop this because I couldn’t handle the 15 minute trip. It was not a difficult drive except for the smell of Chinese food. Fifteen minutes in a car with the smell if spare ribs, pork low mien, egg drop soup and chicken almandine wafting across my nostrils and taste buds is torture. The smell caused me to speed, run lights and drive more distracted than a teenage girl texting Justin Bieber. I almost had an accident several times.
Now we order delivery.
Another drawback to Chinese food is for some reason I eat it like it is going to be taken away from me at any minute. I don’t know why this is, but I shovel that chow in my mouth faster than an Olympic sprinter. Egg roll…duck sauce…low mien…chew…spare rib…swallow…chew chew chew…egg drop soup…swallow…REPEAT.
Within fifteen minutes after the delivery, my stomach is busting and I am in pain. My taste buds are in heaven.
One of the best things about Chinese food is the duck sauce. What is duck sauce? I use it on everything. I never have duck. I once asked the proprietor of the local restaurant about this sauce.
“Why do they call it duck sauce? Was it the invention of an man named Duc? Duc’s Sauce?”
“Sauce for duck. Call duck sauce.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t developed by a Mister Duc?”
“SAUCE FOR DUCK! SAUCE FOR DUCK! CALL DUCK SAUCE!!”
“It might be like the tape, duck tape isn’t for ducks. Some call it duct tape, but the only thing it isn’t good for is ducts. Did Mr. Duc invent the tape?
NO TAPE! SAUCE FOR DUCK…CALL DUCK SAUCE!!!
“OK, OK good to know. Can I have some extra Duc’s sauce for my egg roll?”