Cash-in-no

Cash-in-no

Cash-in-no, that is what I call a Casino.  I hear people all the time talking about winning money at the Casino.  I never hear anyone say they lose money at the Casino.  They win or they break even, never lose.

And yet, as my son points out

“You ain’t pissing on marble because the Casino is losing money.”

Someone must be losing money at the Casino.  I confess I never win.  Last week, not only did I lose, but Mrs. C was rooting against me!

Well, I claim she was rooting against me, she says it was just a reflex reaction.

Let me explain. 

We played a few weeks ago at a Pennsylvania Casino. I dropped $40 in about 10 minutes, and I was playing thirty cents a button push.  I played a machine that always gives me a few free spins and generally takes almost an hour to separate me from my money.

To non-casino goers, I need to explain the importance of the free spin.  The free spin is crack to a slot machine junkie.  We play for the free spins where the machine takes over, characters dance, lights light, music plays and money rings up while you simply watch.     

With no free spins, I was frustrated.

Same day, Mrs. C was hitting free spins like they were going out of style.  She was actually up $50, an almost unheard-of number for penny players like us.  When we left, she was still up $30.  I pointed out that with my luck, the Casino still made $10 from us in pretty short order.

Did not matter, Mrs. C is competitive, SHE won $30.

This past week we were in Aruba.  Our hotel was a block from a Casino.

The first night we played, I once again won zero free spins, Mrs. C did not do much better. 

The next night I played $20 and after a half hour I cashed out $11.60, still with no free spins.  That is what some gamblers call “breaking even.”  I still call it losing and moved to a different machine right next to Mrs. C.

I had still not won a single free spin.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“OK, but I keep just missing the free spins.”

I put in my money, bet .30 and hit play.

Ding, Ding, Ding! FREE SPIN!

“Finally!”

“Mother F*cker!”  Yes, Mrs. C does have a potty mouth.

“What? I finally get a free spin and you're pissed!”

“Yes, but on your first spin!”

“Three days with no free spins, I finally get one and you’re pissed?”

“I’ve been playing a half hour on this machine with no free spins and you hit first try, it is a natural reaction.”

“No, a natural reaction would be, ‘Great, my husband just hit a free spin!’ ‘Mother F*cker’ would decidedly not be most wives’ natural reaction.  And, might I add, I am playing with the money you gave me!”

“Well, I just want to have some fun with free spins.”

Let the record show that I won 11 free spins and when the characters were through dancing, the lights done flashing, and the music done playing I had rung up 70 cents.

“Mother F*cker!!”