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Sunday, November 3, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 110313


STUPID HEADLINES 110313

 
It is time once again for:

 

 
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
 
One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

 

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Texas hunting group offers to save endangered rhinos by auctioning off permit to kill one – Note to Texas hunters…THERE ARE NO RHINOS IN TEXAS!!!

Michael Jackson doctor released from prison – Doctor learned his lesson; never moonwalk in the prison shower.

Russia's New Underwater Assault Rifle Can Shoot 800 Shots Per Minute – Well that has Aquaman is peeing in his speedos!

California judge sentences killer, then performs his wedding – Isn’t there a double jeopardy thing in this country?

Cellphone stops bullet during Florida robbery - Who knew there was an app for THAT?

Seattle seizes elderly woman's parking lot to turn it into -- a parking lot – They couldn’t find paradise, so “They paved a parking lot and put up a parking lot.”

Man’s law suit against toy boomerang company comes back to haunt him – So boomerangs failure to boomerang causes law suit that boomerangs…wait what?

World’s tallest man gets married to woman who is 2 feet, 7 inches shorter – Kinda puts a different spin on dancing cheek to cheek.

High school beer brewing assignment draws controversyNote to parents: Before you kid brews his own beer to get drunk, he will probably find a way to buy it. 

NYPD's Kelly heckled off stage at Brown University over stop-and-frisk policy – Because college students have been taught to fear opposing opinions rather than defeat them through debate.

Moose hunter accidentally shoots man sitting on toiletThe man on the toilet was either very big, very ugly and had very big ears, or alcohol was involved.

Government paid millions in Medicare to deceased, illegal immigrants – It’s bad enough to pay illegal immigrants, but they were also deceased!

Britney Spears' music used by British navy to scare off Somali pirates“Turn it off, turn it off…we pay you!! Please, turn it off!”


Brief solar eclipse comes to U.S. East Coast at sunrise Sunday – Except because of that stupid Daylight savings thing it has been cancelled.
 
 

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Last week’s fake was:

Deranged man flings excrement during game in Giant Stadium – Coach Coughlin is worried now that the shit has hit the fan.

There were two winners:

Fishducky…of course

            fishducky said...

I think that the headline "Deranged man flings excrement during game in Giant Stadium" is full of shit!!

Be sure to visit fishducky for funny stuff @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/

 

AND

Oldest friend Chuck, Winkenstein, Ditmus who responded on Facebook

“The Jets yes, Giants never!”

Chuck has nothing to promote so I am not going to even mention it.

 

12 comments:

  1. Man’s law suit against toy boomerang company comes back to haunt him. Do you know what they call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm going to bow out of this competition after today--but I'll still be reading them!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My partner and I arrived here seeing as this post has been tweeted by a woman I was following and feel delighted I made it here.
    Cardsharing Server

    ReplyDelete
  4. even before i read fishducky's comment, i decided to go with boomerang.

    no, fishducky, don't go! who will we idolize in your absence!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think the fake headline is the Brittany Spears one. I mean, she's bad....but she's not that bad, is she? To scare off pirates? Anyway, that's my guess!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "THERE ARE NO RHINOS IN TEXAS!!!"

    No, but if you ever want a trophy jackass, this is a target rich environment. Suggest you start in the State Capital.

    S

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm going with the Russian underwater assault rifle as fake. While I'm sure Putin would welcome the chance to whip off his shirt and demonstrate, I do not see a need for this technology. What would they name it, the SKS Deep 6?

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  8. I am going with, Seattle seizes elderly woman's parking lot to turn it into -- a parking lot. I picking it because it sounds real. Some of the other sound fake and I know there real.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Seattle parking lot doesn't seem possible.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your STUPID HEADLINES post are always winners. I can't choose a favorite or a fake. I bow to Fishducky.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Can't even begin to make an educated guess on this one, several sound unlikely, but that probably means they're true. As a Texas, I bow to Lowandslow's pronouncement, loved it! :-)

    ReplyDelete

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