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Tuesday, November 26, 2013



What is it about words and why do they sometimes drive us crazy or get us into trouble?  Everyone wants their toddlers to talk.  No one wants them to say bad words.  “Shit piss fuck” coming from a three year olds mouth puts people into a fit.  We teach them alternate words.  We teach them peepee and poop.  Hopefully we can avoid “fuck” altogether.

Problem is when they say peepee or poop it is somehow cute or funny.  They soon learn that if they say peepee or poop it will get a laugh and so they say it all the time with no context whatsoever.   If you ignore their saying peepee or poop they will say it and laugh.  Then you tell them it is not really funny or nice to say peepee or poop, because you don’t want them saying it in the wrong place or to the wrong people. 

And the peepee poop battle begins.

When your toddler (or Grand-toddler) wants attention, he has learned that all he has to do is say peepee or poop and then laugh.  He gets a lecture…he gets attention.

Grandpa Joe tries to avoid the peepee poop battle.  He lets them say it over and over and ignores it.  Grand-toddlers keep saying it and laughing.   They say it louder and louder and laugh more and more.  Grand-toddlers know they shouldn’t do this, that is exactly why they are doing this and they will not stop until they get the attention they seek.

The Grand-toddlers got attention today. 

Grandpa Joe finally cracked.  Grandpa Joe lost his poop.  The grand-toddler's daddy knows this routine from many years past.  I rant and rave for about ten minutes.  Blood vessels almost pop from my temples.  I make my point in a most un-adult fashion.   

“You think poop is so funny?  What is so funny about poop?  You want funny?  POOP…poopety poop poop!  Peepee poop poop poop peepee poop!  Hahahahahaha poop poop poop.  Oh look poop look peepee poop here poop there look poop poop poop poop.  Let’s all say it and laugh!  Poop poop poop poopety poop poop peepee peepee poop Hahahahahaha.”

After many minutes of this insanity I turn completely Looney Tunes and I break out into song and dance:

“Poop poop racetrack sings this song…poop poop, poop poop; poop poop racetrack five miles long…oh the poop poop day.  Gwan ta poop all night; gwan to poop all day…poop poop poop poop peepee poop, somebody poop on da bey.”

For the first eight minutes the toddlers are quiet and a little in shock.  By the time I break into song, they get a little smirk on their faces…but they dare not laugh. 

Then Grandpa Joe is back to normal again; the peepee poop battle is over, and all is right in toddler-land. 
I hope I have not scarred them for life.


  1. I'm wondering if the same method might work on teenagers who say 'I want' over and over - got to be worth a try ...

  2. Interesting, but I'm still not getting the full effect. How about a music video starring Cranky Old Man? Can you say "viral"?


  3. Hilarious. They may be a little scared but they'll either forget about it or in the most embarrassing way or at the wrong time bring it back up when you are least expecting it with, Remember when... :)

  4. I'm confused. Are you suggesting that a time comes when it's inappropriate to sing and dance to the "Poop Song?" It's one of the few songs I know the lyrics to.

  5. I bet Grandpa Joe is their favorite grandpa. You don't let them get to you!

  6. I believe you just may have constipated them for life. Good job, grampa. Good job!

  7. I LOVE Katrina's comment!!

  8. If the grand-toddler's daddy knows this routine, did he have the foresight to get it on video?

  9. I love fishducky's comment!

    My thoughts on swearing and fake-swearing: Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

  10. I got the visual and it's FUNNY!

    The grands will always relate to their wacky grandpa and will love him because of it.

  11. I wonder how long it will take for those kids to start practicing the poop-poop song and dance.

  12. So mature Joe? Bet your mom would be so proud? LOL

  13. poop- hilarious no matter how you spell (smell) it