THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, November 3, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 110313
STUPID HEADLINES 110313
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive
comments. One headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win
Texas hunting group offers to save endangered rhinos by auctioning off
permit to kill one – Note to Texas hunters…THERE ARE NO RHINOS IN TEXAS!!!
Michael Jackson doctor released from prison – Doctor
learned his lesson; never moonwalk in the prison shower.
Russia's New Underwater Assault Rifle
Can Shoot 800 Shots Per Minute – Well that has Aquaman is peeing in his speedos!
California judge sentences killer, then performs his wedding – Isn’t there a double jeopardy thing in this country?
Cellphone stops bullet during Florida robbery - Who knew there was an app for THAT?
Seattle seizes elderly woman's parking lot to turn it into -- a parking lot
– They couldn’t find paradise, so“They paved a parking lot and
put up a parking lot.”
Man’s law suit against toy boomerang company comes back to haunt him –So boomerangs failure to boomerang causes law
suit that boomerangs…wait what?
World’s tallest man gets married to woman who is 2 feet,
7 inches shorter – Kinda
puts a different spin on dancing cheek to cheek.
High school beer brewing assignment draws controversy
– Note to parents: Before you kid brews
his own beer to get drunk, he will probably find a way to buy it.
NYPD's Kelly heckled off stage at Brown University over stop-and-frisk
policy – Because college students have been taught to fear
opposing opinions rather than defeat them through debate.
Moose hunter accidentally shoots man sitting on toilet
– The man on the toilet was either very
big, very ugly and had very big ears, or alcohol was involved.
millions in Medicare to deceased, illegal immigrants – It’s bad enough to
pay illegal immigrants, but they were also deceased!
music used by British navy to scare off Somali pirates – “Turn it
off, turn it off…we pay you!! Please, turn it off!”
eclipse comes to U.S. East Coast at sunrise Sunday – Except because of that
stupid Daylight savings thing it has been cancelled.
week’s fake was:
man flings excrement during game in Giant Stadium – Coach
Coughlin is worried now that the shit has hit the fan.