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Wednesday, November 13, 2013


The other day I was talking to my daughter when the phone indicated my battery was low.  I plugged in the charger and continued on with the conversation.  Sometime later I realized my daughter was not responding to my side of the conversation.  Apparently I went on a five minute rant to no one, as my phone was completely dead, not only nearly dead, but really, most sincerely dead.

I was unable to charge the phone with an assortment of home and car chargers.  I conceded that I needed to get a new phone.

Mrs. Cranky advised me I could get a new i-phone 5 for free.

“Free? How? Why?”

“After two years you are allowed an upgrade.”

“I don’t need an upgrade; my i-phone 3 is just fine.”

“Fine except that it no longer works.  You can’t get a 3 anymore…get a 5.”

We went to the AT+T store for my free upgrade.

“What about my contacts, I’m going to lose all my contacts.”

“You only have 17 contacts, and they will retrieve them for you…jerk.”

At the store I was offered the i-phone 5s, or the 5c.  The 5s had this thumb print thing to activate the phone.

“What do I need that thumb print thing for?”

“Well sir, suppose someone steals your phone?”

“Yeah, what if…so they can’t use it or harass my 17 contacts.  What if I lose it?  No one can call to tell me they found it.  That print thing is so your wife or girlfriend can’t see who you are calling or texting.  I only wish I had something to hide.”

We settled on the 5c, and after spending $120 on peripherals we left with my free phone.

In the car Mrs. Cranky browbeat me about my wishing I had something to hide.  Damn, doesn’t she know when I’m just goofing!


“With this phone you can do ‘Face time.’”

“What do I want to do that for?  I won’t be able to roll my eyes or make faces when I’m talking to someone.  I won’t be able to talk on the phone when I’m naked.”

“You don’t do anything naked!”

“I’m just saying.”

“Now you can use that Siri thing,”

“What do I want to do that for?”

I got a call from my son.  Mrs. C had texted him to “face time” me.

“Hey, this is really cool, maybe I could use the ‘face time’ thing just for the grand children.”

Then I accidently pressed the phone button to access Siri.  Of course I tried it. 

“Holy Cow this is cool!”

For the next thirty minutes I was playing with Siri.  I hated using the old phone for internet searches because I was so bad with the little key board.  With Siri I just asked and if she couldn’t answer a question she brought me to an appropriate web site.  I was in love with Siri.

“Damn, would you put that thing down, I’m starting to get jealous.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think she can do everything…wait let me see.

Siri, talk dirty to me.”

“The carpet needs vacuuming.”

“Hmmm…Siri, talk sexy to me.”

“I don’t know how to respond.”

Well there you have it, Siri was great in the beginning, but in the end she was just like my previous wives.  I guess I’m sticking with Mrs. C.  Mrs. Cranky is great, except for maybe in the kitchen.

“Siri, order a pizza…half sausage, half mushroom.”

Is there such a thing as a “Manage-a-phone?” 


  1. ha ha. i have a samsung galaxy model - and just this week it was beginning to get persnickety about the charger connection. i wanted to upgrade, too, except the phone i want would still be $200 + peripherals. *sigh*

  2. I need a new phone, but the one I have is already smarter than I am and I'm not to eager to increase the spread. Plus, every time I go in to look at new ones the sales people talk in some language I don't understand.

  3. Mrs. C. and i went to Seattle a few months ago and I noticed a definite "tone" from Siri when we didn't follow her directions properly. Just what I need---attitude from a fake chick!

  4. ....sometimes I feel like the only one left without a fancy smart phone. But I will continue to cling to my HP Pre3 for dear life until there are no more of them available on Amazon or ebay.

    You should ask Siri where the best place is to hide a body, I was thoroughly amused by the response my boss got from his phone.

  5. My phone (& my husband's) just make & receive calls--isn't that silly?

  6. I love Siri. Except on my phone I changed the voice to a man's voice, so I guess MY "Siri" is actually "Siro" You can do that, you know...with the 5. If you ever get tired of Siri's voice, then change it to the man voice. Not that you would. I'm sure you like having the sweet, soft female voice telling you things ;)

  7. I am still yet to own a cell phone, let alone a smart phone. Siri is tempting, though...

  8. I do not like smart phones, though I have one. Perhaps it makes me feel inferior. I wish everybody had the same phone: a Jitterbug that looks like a toilet seat.

  9. Too funny. I do covet an iPhone. But I find the GPS more impressive than Siri. ;)

  10. We lose our wits over them so soon, don't we. Hook, line and sinker. The minute they realize we cannot live without them they turn on us. "Don't try a different direction, sir, or I will navigate you over a cliff!"

  11. I'm not sure I could get along with Siri. I'm too busy arguing with the GPS lady!

  12. Getting Siri to order a pizza is no big deal. Now if you can get her to PAY for it....

    You know that there are many sites that will buy your old phone, right? I actaully traded in my old one a few weeks ago and Verizon gave me $100 for it, bringing my price down to $99 for a brand new Wiz Bang Special.


  13. Oh Crank, this is so exciting: now we can do FaceTime! I'll wait for your call.