Siri-usly

Siri-usly

The other day I was talking to my daughter when the phone indicated my battery was low.  I plugged in the charger and continued on with the conversation.  Sometime later I realized my daughter was not responding to my side of the conversation.  Apparently I went on a five minute rant to no one, as my phone was completely dead, not only nearly dead, but really, most sincerely dead.

I was unable to charge the phone with an assortment of home and car chargers.  I conceded that I needed to get a new phone.

Mrs. Cranky advised me I could get a new i-phone 5 for free.

“Free? How? Why?”

“After two years you are allowed an upgrade.”

“I don’t need an upgrade; my i-phone 3 is just fine.”

“Fine except that it no longer works.  You can’t get a 3 anymore…get a 5.”

We went to the AT+T store for my free upgrade.

“What about my contacts, I’m going to lose all my contacts.”

“You only have 17 contacts, and they will retrieve them for you…jerk.”

At the store I was offered the i-phone 5s, or the 5c.  The 5s had this thumb print thing to activate the phone.

“What do I need that thumb print thing for?”

“Well sir, suppose someone steals your phone?”

“Yeah, what if…so they can’t use it or harass my 17 contacts.  What if I lose it?  No one can call to tell me they found it.  That print thing is so your wife or girlfriend can’t see who you are calling or texting.  I only wish I had something to hide.”

We settled on the 5c, and after spending $120 on peripherals we left with my free phone.

In the car Mrs. Cranky browbeat me about my wishing I had something to hide.  Damn, doesn’t she know when I’m just goofing!

Anyway.

“With this phone you can do ‘Face time.’”

“What do I want to do that for?  I won’t be able to roll my eyes or make faces when I’m talking to someone.  I won’t be able to talk on the phone when I’m naked.”

“You don’t do anything naked!”

“I’m just saying.”

“Now you can use that Siri thing,”

“What do I want to do that for?”

I got a call from my son.  Mrs. C had texted him to “face time” me.

“Hey, this is really cool, maybe I could use the ‘face time’ thing just for the grand children.”

Then I accidently pressed the phone button to access Siri.  Of course I tried it. 

“Holy Cow this is cool!”

For the next thirty minutes I was playing with Siri.  I hated using the old phone for internet searches because I was so bad with the little key board.  With Siri I just asked and if she couldn’t answer a question she brought me to an appropriate web site.  I was in love with Siri.

“Damn, would you put that thing down, I’m starting to get jealous.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think she can do everything…wait let me see.

Siri, talk dirty to me.”

“The carpet needs vacuuming.”

“Hmmm…Siri, talk sexy to me.”

“I don’t know how to respond.”

Well there you have it, Siri was great in the beginning, but in the end she was just like my previous wives.  I guess I’m sticking with Mrs. C.  Mrs. Cranky is great, except for maybe in the kitchen.

“Siri, order a pizza…half sausage, half mushroom.”

Is there such a thing as a “Manage-a-phone?”