WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON

WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON

Nothing is easy at the Cranky household.  Even sleeping is complicated.

Mrs. C demands to sleep on the right side of the bed.  That works for me as the bedroom door is on the left side of the bed.  I have always been of the opinion that the man (or strongest gay partner) should sleep on the same side of the bed as the bedroom door.

When we stay at a hotel, sometimes the door is on the right and I demand to sleep on that side.

“No way, I sleep on the right side.”

“But the door is on the right, if someone breaks in I need to be the best position to defend you.”

“Oh please, I wake up at the drop of a hat, you would sleep through me being ravaged regardless of which side you sleep.”

She has a point, though the chivalrous section of my brain still feels the need to be between her and the door.

Recently Mrs. C has complained about the temperature in our bedroom. The air conditioner blows from her side of the bed and she complains about being cold while I complain about being too hot.

I suggested we change sides.

“No way, because in the winter the hot air blows from that side of the bed and I want the heat.  Plus, who would protect me if there was a break in.”

(Notice how women use selective reasoning?)

“Well in the winter we could switch sides.”  

“No, I am used to sleeping on this side, changing with the seasons would throw me all off kilter.”

That’s it, no arguing with that.  I guess things will just have to stay as they are.  Mrs. C will freeze in the summer but be warm in the winter, and regardless of the season I am the defender if we have an intruder…unless we stay at a hotel, then Mrs. C may have to fend for herself.

ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH

ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH

Politicians mean well.  Lots of stuff they mandate is good.  No smoking in public areas…good.  Seatbelts in cars…good.  Mandatory safety seats for children…good.  Check points for drunk drivers, speed controlled by radar, emission regulations on cars, good, good and good.

Sometimes, however, government means well but they fuck up.  They have expert opinions and expert facts and statistics, but they are still just wrong.  Some regulations, passed with good intentions are just wrong, and someone needs to point it out.  I guess that someone has to be me.

I know that experts and statistics will show that the new low flow toilets save water and are good for the environment.  I am all for saving water and I’m sure experts can prove that low flow toilets, save about one billion gallons of water a day.  One billion gallons of water is a lot of water, but is that number really accurate?

This may be a bit disgusting, so turn away if you want.  I will try and be as discrete as possible. 

The new toilets save a gallon of water with every flush so the laws to require low flow toilets make a lot of sense.  What the experts have missed is that one flush is not enough.  Flushing number one is fine for low flow, but not for number two.  Number two takes two flushes for most twos, and three or more for many twos.  The double flush and more negates the water savings for the number one flush. 

Besides needing extra water to double flush and more, the new toilets are disgusting.  There, it has to be said.  The bowl is left with…er…residue and scrubbing needs even one more water wasting flush.  If you do not pay attention, the low flow flush often leads to unnoticed floaters.  No one needs to be greeted with floaters in the middle of the night.

Let’s call it like it is, the new low flow toilets waste water and are disgusting to boot.

Government means well, but when they screw up, they need to admit it and make adjustments.

Technology today allows us to watch our favorite TV show from the car on a phone.  Surely technology can solve the low water flush issue.  Can anyone please design a toilet that saves water on a number one flush, but allows for extra water in the bowl for number two?

If ever there was an issue that demands bipartisan legislation it is the low water flush for number two. 

If we cannot come together to resolve even this simple issue we are doomed!

10S NE 1

10S NE 1

That talented blogger “The Chubby Chatterbox” is losing weight.  I guess he will soon be changing the name of his blog to “The Chatterbox.” He recently published a very funny post on his taking up tennis to get exercise and help in his weight loss.  http://www.chubbychatterbox.com/blog/tennis_for_dummies.en

I hate tennis!

It is great exercise and I encourage The Chatterbox to continue…still,

I hate tennis!

I played in the 80’s.  I think everyone played in the 80’s.  In those day it was difficult finding an empty court.  Today I see empty courts all the time.  Our townhome association has two courts.  I have never seen them used.

I did enjoy playing for a time, and I loved watching the pros.  I went to the US Open several times in Flushing, New York.  I even had a picture taken with Arthur Ashe, the tennis great whom the main court in Flushing is named after.  I have no idea where that photo is today.

I stopped watching tennis when the tennis brats, Connors and McEnroe left the game.  I enjoyed their complaining and whining antics.  I dislike the “polite rules” of the game.  Tennis fans even complain about “grunters,” players who grunt loudly after every shot.

Why do I hate tennis?

1.    It is a snotty sport played by snotty country club snots.

2.    Dress and style is important.  At one time only all white was acceptable.  Style should not be important in sports.

3.    Opponents cheat.  When your very best shot turns into a losing point because your opponent calls “Just out by an inch” when it was clearly in by an inch, it is infuriating.

4.    My ex-wife was a human backboard and I could not beat her.  Rallies went POW, bloop, POW, bloop, POW, bloop, POW and out.  And yes I am misogynist and a poor loser.

5.    I never got hurt, but a lot of people I knew ended up getting knee operations and had messed up ligaments…it is not an old person game.

6.    People are polite, phony, but polite.  In a sport that is one against one, I could not stand having to say “nice shot” when a ball is drilled by you.  Do boxers say, “nice punch” when they take one to the chops?  I’ll shake hands after a game, but during the game you are my enemy!

7.    8. 9. and 10.  My ex-wife loves tennis!

 Well, that’s just me, apparently it is not a good game for a cranky person.  It is good exercise and I encourage The Chatterbox to keep playing.

KEEP RELIGION THE HELL OUT OF GOVERNMENT

KEEP RELIGION THE HELL OUT OF GOVERNMENT

This cranky re-run is from August 2012

The FFRF, the Freedom From Religion Foundation, based in Madison, Wisconsin has been in the news a lot lately.  They object to a city logo which has the outline of a church incorporated in their montage of landmarks.  They object to a Texas church feeding meals to the local high school football team before their  games.  They are objecting to anything that smacks of violating the constitutional doctrine of separation of church and state.

I whole-heartedly support this organization.  If we allow religion to creep into our government run organizations and public property, the future of this country is in jeopardy.  I think that the FFRF has not gone far enough.  Religion has too much control of our state run institutions.

The following are examples of where religion must be weeded from the fabric of our country’s life and or changes which the FFRF should demand:

“In God We trust” must be removed from our money.  I suggest, “In Greed We Trust.”

Witnesses in court should no longer be sworn in on the Holy Bible.  I suggest they put their hand on a one-hundred dollar bill and say, “Trust me!”

No religious dress or symbols should be allowed in government buildings.  This would include crosses, shirts with a collar (too much like a priest or minister) yamakas, burkas, etc.

Churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples should be denied services from state institutions such as the police and fire departments.     

Football is practically a religion in many towns…this sport should not be supported or allowed in public schools.

Many religions believe in the importance of education of their youth; schools should not be allowed to teach.

Religious Funeral processions should not be allowed on public streets.

Stop lights need to be changed during the Winter Holiday season; Stop at black light, go at white…(hmmm may be racist…have to think about that one.)

The “New Orleans Saints” football team must be changed to the “New Orleans Nice Guys.”

Crossing at public streets needs to be stopped.

The following language must be outlawed from public buildings, parks, and streets: “Holy Shit” “God Damn” “Praise Allah” and anything in that secret Jewish language including “Mozel Tov” “Oy Vey” and “Putz.”

You may only be born once in a public hospital.

RR, School and Deer Crossing signs will be changed to RR, School and Deer “Might be coming this way” signs.

Anyone named Moses, Jesus or Mohammed should be barred from public property.

“One nation, under God?” are you kidding me?  Let’s just scrap the whole pledge thing.   Pledging allegiance sounds suspiciously religious to me.

No prayers of any kind, anytime, on public property.  This includes silent prayers.  To assure no silent prayers on public property, people will be required to mumble at all times while on public property.   Any mumbling that sounds like a chant will not be tolerated.

Pure thoughts are a concept from the Bible, the Torah and the Koran; pure thoughts will not be allowed on public property. Leering and drooling while mumbling will be encouraged.

Congress will pass no laws which have as a base any religious connection; therefore any law related to the Ten Commandments will be null and void.  Adultery will be optional.  

As stealing, killing, lying, and coveting will now be legal we pretty much won’t need any police force other than to assure no one says…you know, the “G” word, and to enforce the mumbling and have no pure thoughts on public property rule.

Only when this country completely eliminates any exception to the separation of church and state doctrine, can we as a people be truly safe and truly free.

Thank God for the FFRF! 

Oops!     

STUPID HEADLINES 082816

STUPID HEADLINES 082816

What is a good mix with diarrhea?

It is time again for

Stupid Headline Sunday

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

                                                  _________________________

Simone Biles held up the Olympics closing ceremony because everyone wanted a selfie with her – Does anyone else find it ironic that everyone is flipping over Simone.

Fight over goodnight kiss lands 59-year-old man in jail – Jail? Seems like a kiss would just be petty theft.  BTW Pixel…Florida.

California city is paying people not to commit crimes – Then do they also get paid for not getting caught?

Secrets of ultra-stealth submarines revealed in massive leak – Ultra stealth ain’t going to help much if the damn thing leaks!

Rush Limbaugh warns that federally paid 'lesbian farmers' could invade your town – Rush fears lesbian farmers will invade conservative states and change election dynamics.  I don’t know which is more ridiculous, offering money for lesbians to become farmers, or Rush worrying about changing election dynamics.  I’m going to call it a draw.

Cop says Red Cross told him not to pray or read Bible with flood victims – The organization just might want to think about changing their name and symbol if they are afraid of offending non-Christians.

Gender-neutral bathroom signs not inclusive enough, UNC students claim – Times have changed, when I went to college we complained about really silly stuff, like not wanting to be sent to a country we didn’t know to shoot at people we didn’t know for reasons that were not very clear.

Runner who blew whistle on Russian doping: If something happens to me, it's no accident – This is silly, why would the Clinton campaign care about a Russian runner?

Woman releases tub of live crickets and worms on New York subway then pees on herself sending screaming commuters into a frenzy –

“New York, New York, it’s a toddling town. 

The Bronx is up the Battery’s down,

women release crickets and worms then pee on the ground,

New York, New York, it’s a toddling town.”

Olympic champ Katie Ledecky wait-listed at D.C. swim club for 15 years – She should just swim in the pool anyway…who’s gonna catch her?

College Kids Wave Sex Toys, Juggle Dildos to Protest Guns – They demand stick-ups now be referred to as stick-ins.

One in five British travelers admit to cheating on a partner while on vacation – Surprisingly the one cheater is the dentist who does not recommend Dentine to his patients that chew gum.

 

__________________________________-

Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINES

UNDERSTANDING THE MIDDLE EAST

UNDERSTANDING THE MIDDLE EAST

A cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little knowledge of the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome and this week are probably correct.  As usual, no name calling and that means you, you big stupid head!

One thing important about this year’s election is how the candidates plan to act in the Middle East.  The Middle East is very confusing.  There are many Middle East experts advising the US how to act in this area.  Most of them cannot seem to agree.

It is clear that we need and want oil that comes from this area.  Other than the oil and not having planes fly into our buildings or our citizen’s heads chopped off we really don’t give a crap about this area.  We won’t say that because we really want the oil.  One thing is clear, whatever actions we have taken in the Middle East has done nothing to improve the lives of the people who live there.  We do not understand these people; they do not understand us.

The following is a summary of my understanding of the current situation in the Middle East:

ISIS is a group of religious fanatics that want to convert everyone in the world to their fanatical religious beliefs.  They are brutal and ruthless.  Al Qaida is another group pretty much the same as ISIS except they don’t like each other and the Taliban are like ISIS and Al Qaida and they will work with anyone that helps them defeat the Afghanistan government.

There is a revolution in Syria.  The rebels want to defeat the government and ISIS, ISIS wants to defeat the rebels and the government.  The Syrian government hates ISIS and the rebels

Iran hates ISIS and Iraq and Syrian rebels.

Russia likes Syria and hates ISIS and the Syrian rebels.

Russia likes Iran and sells them weapons

Libya hates ISIS and is a mess in general

Iraq hates Iran, except they both hate ISIS and are fighting together against ISIS

The US does not like Iran and Iran hates the US

Saudi Arabia hates Yemen and Iran

Egypt is mostly a mess internally and hates Israel

Israel just wants to be left alone

Pakistan and India hate each other

Sunni Muslims hate Shia Muslims and Shia Muslims hate Sunni Muslims

Afghanistan is fighting ISIS and the Taliban and Al Qaida

The USA is fighting ISIS, Taliban, Al Qaida and are siding with the Syrian rebels but working with Russia in fighting ISIS who we sometimes call IS, except President Obama calls them ISIL and most of the Mideast calls ISIS Daesh.

Palestine is not really even a country.  They want Israel to die as does the rest of the Middle East.  All of the Middle East loves Palestine, except they don’t seem to do anything to help them besides using them to hurt Israel.

Israel likes the US and they don’t take stuff from us.

Everyone else hates the US except for whatever stuff they can get from us.  

Everyone hates Israel except the US, and sometimes the US is not so clear on that.

The US tries to like everyone except Iran and Syria and Libya

Turkey hates the Kurds and ISIS

The Kurds hate ISIS and some of Turkey

The US likes Turkey, but Turkey doesn’t always like the US and the US likes the Kurds but won’t help them because we don’t want to piss off Turkey.

Jordan hates ISIS, and we like Jordan…they seem pretty cool.

There are a bunch of other little countries that have oil and are nice to the US so we help them keep their oil from bigger countries.

Then some of the countries have tribes that seem to act separate from their country and lots of these tribes don’t like each other.

I am sure I have a lot of this wrong, but the point is it is very complicated.  Whatever we do is going to piss off a bunch of countries, tribes and people.  In the last 30 years, whatever we have done has only made things worse.

My position would be to pump so much friggin, fracken oil of our own that we don’t need to give a rat’s backside what happens in the Middle East.  We should just step back and except for helping Israel if they need help we do nothing.  Let everyone sort it out on their own…might take a few centuries, but still we need to butt out.

I probably shouldn’t be President.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management (except for the shouldn’t be President part) …Mrs. Cranky.

MOWING THE LAWN

MOWING THE LAWN

A recent post by Scott @ http://lowandslow01.blogspot.com/2016/08/back-in-my-day-we-walked-2-miles-to.html  jogged this memory.

When I was age ten mowing the lawn became my chore.  My brother Chris, had the chore before me but at the age of 14 he decided he had homework and sports so he didn’t have time…I did, and it became my chore.  Of course when I was 14 and had homework and sports there was no one for me to pawn this chore on, so I mowed the lawn all through school and later when I owned my own home. 

I mowed lawns for 50 years.  It wasn’t so bad, as a teen, we had a power mower, an old reel job that you had to choke before starting and that used a rope to pull start.  Fortunately, it usually started on the third pull.

One of these.

Anyway, you may ask, “If you had three sons, why didn’t they mow the lawn when they turned ten?”

Good question.  It has a two-part answer. 

First I was a pushover and did not demand enough of my boys…after all, they had homework and sports (I never learn.)

Second, my sons were masters at not doing the job properly and I was not tough enough to demand they do it until they do it right.  My oldest, Mike, could do a full spin off a jump on snow skis.  He could do tricks on his bike, including riding around the block on one wheel; and yet he could not start the lawnmower by himself, he did not know how to add gas, and he could not mow the lawn without leaving missed spots all over the yard.  

It was easier to just to it myself, which of course was his plan all along.  Next in line, Matt, got a pass.  If Mike couldn’t do it properly, why would Matt be any better. 

When Spencer was eight, twenty years later, I had more patience and was teaching him how to do this chore.  He was learning without complaint, but when he turned ten I was asked to leave and move into an apartment.  The person who requested I leave hired someone to do the chore I had been doing for 50 years, so Spencer escaped the chore the same as his older brothers.

He might have been the last of a dying breed, kids doing yard work.  As Scott pointed out, you seldom see anyone mowing their own lawn anymore.  Lawn services are the new norm.  I do still see some home owners cutting the grass, but never kids or teenagers.

I guess everyone has a lot of homework and sports.