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Friday, August 30, 2013


I don’t believe in profiling, but:

If you have one eyebrow and your name is Habib, I might distance myself from your backpack.

If you wear your pants below your ass and say “yo, yo, yo” mother-f-er, I might reach for my can of mace.

If you have a Mohawk haircut and wear a shirt that says, “What the F*ck are you looking at” I might wait for the next train.

If your bumper sticker say’s “America, love it or get the frig out!” I’ll probably just let you cut me off and not honk my horn.

If your car has all tinted windows and a chrome chain around your license plate, I will probably not stop to help you fix a flat tire.

If you have giant plates in your earlobes, I probably won’t ask you for directions.

With no other information to go by, I am choosing LaQuando Mustaffa over Herb Jacobs for my fantasy basketball team.

If you are whacking away on a pound of chewing gum and ask me if I have any spare change, my pockets will most likely be empty.

If you smell, I may not sit next to you.

If you have an arm sleeve with tattooed satanic images, I might just hire a different babysitter.

If you have really wide open eyes and a goofy smile, I think I might try the movie in theater #7.

If you have sores on your lip, I’m going across the street to Burger King.

If you roll down the windows in your BMW and turn your rap music to “Reverberate all of Main Street,” I'm going to assume you're an idiot.

If your bumper sticker says, “Impeach Obama” or “Kill Bush” my conversation with you will be limited to the weather.

If your name is Bubba, I might wait for Lance to cut my hair.

If you have a big smile, I might say “hello,” If you have a scowl, I’ll probably look away.

I don’t believe in profiling, but I profile every day. 

It is called learning through experience. 

Sometimes it’s wrong…


  1. I've seen a few people recently who exhibited more than a few of those things....I mean in the SAME person. I already had my phone out and pre-dialed 9-1-___.


  2. We're all designed by nature to profile. Its part of the survival instinct.

  3. Wait.. haven't we already determined that ANYONE driving a BMW is a DB anyway?? :)

  4. Hahaaa.... love it. to thine own self be true... we all profile ... and it is indeed a learned experience as to why.

    pants on the ground ... looking like a fool ... great song

    I want to add one ... if you're a man who wears a bra and leggings to Safeway and using their wifi? I'll go on to Starbucks. He did have a see thru blouse on though but leggins so tight that nothing .... and I mean nothing was left to imagination.

    Miley Cyrus in reverse. man?

  5. well, I want to add that he walked by as I was sitting and that's why I noticed his stuff in his leggings. let me tell you. barfreakinola

  6. I have to start hanging out with Carolyn!!

  7. It's what you do after that matters.

    I profile entire neighborhoods.

  8. Stephen is right. Profiling is genetic. The ancestors who didn't, did not live long enough to procreate. Who will survive the Twenty-First Century? That's what I wonder.

  9. Between you and Fishducky today, I've peed my pants ! Still laughing. And yeah, we do all profile, without even knowing it.

  10. If all six feet four of you practically trip me to get into the barber shop first, I definitely will think your mama did a bad job.

  11. You had me at the satanic arm sleeve babysitter!

  12. I think we all like to stand proud and tall and say "I don't do that!" But reading through your very well done examples, I know at times I have, and at times I still do. Sadly, experience and awareness of how things can be makes us wary and often suspicious. I know that under those visages might lurk some amazingly beautiful souls, I try to remind myself of that when I am quick to judge by appearance, yet I know at times I forget. This was a great reminder!

  13. And there is something wrong with "impeach Obama?"

  14. At times, I'm really glad to be a woman. We're expected to be afraid of everything and everybody, so no one knows if I'm being my dainty little self or if I'm profiling... like when I passed by an average looking black man standing under a tree in rain in my neighborhood. I wanted to stop my car and give him a ride, but no way! (I didn't recognize him.) But, because I'm a woman who looked right into his face, he probably didn't feel that I was profiling him.

    Now if I wre betting on Cody versus DaJuan in the skiing competition, I'd go with Cody. :)