LIVING WITH SHERLOCK
HOLMES
Imagine what
it would be like living with Sherlock Holmes.
Your every move analyzed. Every
noise, every open window, every open drawer, every missing slice of bread,
every unwashed fork, everything you touch leaves a clue as to what you have
been up to.
That is what
it is like living with Mrs. Cranky. Her
powers of observation, her sense of smell, her hearing and her ability to
deduce events from these unique talents is eerie. And to top it off, these senses are at work
24/7…yes, she hears, smells and feels, even in her sleep.
If I go down
stairs late at night to sneak a snack, Sherlock Cranky catches me every time.
“What did you get, a gob of peanut
butter on a spoon?”
“Yes, and how did you know, I thought
you were asleep?”
“The rustling of your sheets woke
me. I heard the flatware drawer open,
and footsteps to the pantry. Peanut
butter? Elementary, I could smell it
before you started up the stairs.”
If I sneak
out to the store she not only knows where I’ve been, but what I purchased.
“Where have you been, Lowes?”
“Yes, and how did you know?”
“I saw you took down the basement
smoke detector, bought a 9V battery didn’t you.”
“No...”
“No? Then let me see what is in that
bag.”
“Ok, ok, I went to Lowes and bought a
9V battery…Damn, you’re creepy!”
When I come
home from playing golf, Mrs. C knows how I did before I come in the door.
“Bad round huh.”
“Yes, and how did you know?”
“I didn’t hear the garage door open,
so you left your clubs in the car. You
always put them away after a good round.
Plus you slammed the car door.
You never slam it unless you are upset.”
“What the hell, do you know friggin
everything? What did I have for lunch?”
“Cheeseburger, lemon pie and a
Pepsi.”
“Holy meerschaum pipe and magnifying
glass, how did you know that?”
“I didn’t, that was just a guess.”
I have no
intention, inkling, or desire to ever cheat on Mrs. Cranky. It is a good thing, because she would know
who, when and where before I zipped my zipper.
Ha ha... sounds like my husband. He can see something moved 1/8" the second he walks through the front door :)
ReplyDeletemust be a Virgo.
ReplyDeletewe women can be marvels, can't we? :)
ReplyDeleteI knew I loved Mrs. Cranky--now I know why!!
ReplyDeleteSo many of your posts playfully tap into the rich dynamics of married life. My Mrs. C. is also an uncanny sleuth who doesn't let me get away with much. even though I keep trying.
ReplyDeleteSomeone must keep the ship of state afloat, and I have more confidence in the Mrs. C's than the Mr. C's. From which you should take comfort.
ReplyDeleteYou need to take her to Vegas or the horse tarck. You....well, SHE....could make bank! ;)
ReplyDeleteS
Delightful.
ReplyDeleteI love Mrs. Crasnky too.
I don't mean to rat out the female gender...but we ALL have those powers. Some just conceal them better than others, or use them more sparingly. I, however, prefer to let my light shine.
ReplyDeleteVal is right. I'm as talented as your wife when it comes to my husband. Things like: I know when I've irked him because he makes a very specific movement. He's trying not to respond, but that move lets me know every time. Of course, I can never tell him what he does.
ReplyDeleteAnd what's up with the glob of peanut butter on a spoon. Mr. Anita does that often. The sight of him licking that peanut butter... lets just say, I have to turn my head or leave the room. :)
Sharing with my husband. Pretty sure he understands. And since I always know these things, then yes, he understands.
ReplyDelete