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Saturday, August 10, 2013

PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT DRUGS


PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT DRUGS

A cranky opinion for

Cranky Opinion Saturday

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man.  Opposing positions are welcome (wrong, but welcome) but please, no name calling.  And that means you…you big stupid-head
HGH and Steroids?...Ya Think?
 

 

Performance enhancement drugs are at the top of the sports pages these days.  Many premier athletes such as Alex Rodriguez are being accused of cheating by taking steroids and or human growth hormone.  What should be done about this problem?

With the amount of money and fame involved I doubt that we will ever eliminate use of these drugs in professional competition.  Leagues can test, and they can impose penalties, but there are ways to fool the tests, and there are new drugs every year that do not show in testing.

What is the solution?

The first question is what really is the problem? 

These drugs can have long term negative health effects, so that is bad and they give an unfair advantage over competitors who do not use these dangerous drugs, so let’s agree there is a problem. 

I think the solution is to develop drugs that do not put an athlete’s health in danger, then everyone could take the drugs and no one would have an advantage.  Athletes take ibuprofen daily for pain, is that not a performance drug?  Old men take Cialis or Viagra for performance enhancement, should they be suspended from the bedroom?  There is nothing wrong with drugs to improve performance; they just need to be safe and available to all athletes (or old men.)

So come on drug companies, develop some safe stuff to make athletes bigger, faster, stronger, and able to recover quickly from injuries.  Then we will just have to push back the fences in baseball, and raise the hoop in basketball. 

In the meantime I suggest some new tests for currently illegal drugs.  Based on my observance of athletes who have been banned for the use of these drugs, players should be deemed guilty of using performance enhancing drugs if they suddenly develop a severe case of acne.  If a competitor’s head increases ½ a hat size, he needs to be suspended.  Never mind a urine test, if his pecker is shrinkin the athlete is stinkin. When the nicest guy in the league suddenly starts spitting on the fans in right field, do not let him swing a bat.

Young Barry Bonds- Little head

Old Barry Bonds - Big Head
  


 

That is it; Cranky’s answer to performance enhancement drugs in sports: 

Short term, discourage their use, test for their usage, fine and suspend the users. 

Long term, develop and make legal safe drugs.

Then sit back and enjoy as Derek Jeter hits a 600 foot home run!

 

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

8 comments:

  1. "if his pecker is shrinkin the athlete is stinkin"

    Now that right there is funny. Just so you'll know, I'm gonna steal it.

    Judging by the way some of them have inexplicably bulked up big time I'm guessing they're now elegible to use the women's rest room.

    S

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  2. OK ladies, we can eliminate sports, as soon as you eliminate recreational shopping.

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  3. I professional baseball really wanted to eliminate this problem they'd make the punishment not worth the risk. As it is, even if he looses millions of dollars Alex Rodriguez still walks away a millionaire. Put it into their contracts that if they ever test positive for performance enhancing drugs they must return ALL of the money they've been paid.

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  4. Not an athlete, but SNL alum Joe Piscopo was rumored to be on steroids. Which kind of takes the wind out of those "performance-enhancing" sails. I never once saw him do anything that made me laugh. And his forehead ridge was downright scary.

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  5. Hmmm, I was in the wrong line when the shopping gene was handed out, so I'd rather give that up than give up sports. Especially football. As for enhancement drugs, all the idiots who are willing to take that stuff should be allowed to play. Just put an asterisk next to their names on the roster, and don't let 'em compete for awards or get into the Hall of Fame.

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  6. God knows what the solution it, but yours is as good as any I've heard and even though I've only just heard it I'm going to adopt it myself and also predict it is what will happen. Seriously, no matter how many scalps they get it seems no one is deterred and actually it just reinforces the impression that everyone in sports is taking something. It has got utterly ridiculous!

    ReplyDelete

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