PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT
DRUGS
A cranky opinion for
Cranky Opinion Saturday
The following is the opinion of a
cranky old man. Opposing positions are
welcome (wrong, but welcome) but please, no name calling. And that means you…you big stupid-head
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| HGH and Steroids?...Ya Think? |
Performance
enhancement drugs are at the top of the sports pages these days. Many premier athletes such as Alex Rodriguez
are being accused of cheating by taking steroids and or human growth
hormone. What should be done about this
problem?
With the
amount of money and fame involved I doubt that we will ever eliminate use of
these drugs in professional competition.
Leagues can test, and they can impose penalties, but there are ways to
fool the tests, and there are new drugs every year that do not show in testing.
What is the
solution?
The first
question is what really is the problem?
These drugs
can have long term negative health effects, so that is bad and they give an
unfair advantage over competitors who do not use these dangerous drugs, so
let’s agree there is a problem.
I think the
solution is to develop drugs that do not put an athlete’s health in danger, then
everyone could take the drugs and no one would have an advantage. Athletes take ibuprofen daily for pain, is
that not a performance drug? Old men
take Cialis or Viagra for performance enhancement, should they be suspended
from the bedroom? There is nothing wrong
with drugs to improve performance; they just need to be safe and available to
all athletes (or old men.)
So come on
drug companies, develop some safe stuff to make athletes bigger, faster,
stronger, and able to recover quickly from injuries. Then we will just have to push back the
fences in baseball, and raise the hoop in basketball.
In the
meantime I suggest some new tests for currently illegal drugs. Based on my observance of athletes who have
been banned for the use of these drugs, players should be deemed guilty of
using performance enhancing drugs if they suddenly develop a severe case of
acne. If a competitor’s head increases ½
a hat size, he needs to be suspended. Never mind a urine test, if his pecker is shrinkin the athlete is stinkin.
When the nicest guy in the league suddenly starts spitting on the fans
in right field, do not let him swing a bat.
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| Young Barry Bonds- Little head |
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| Old Barry Bonds - Big Head |
That is it;
Cranky’s answer to performance enhancement drugs in sports:
Short term,
discourage their use, test for their usage, fine and suspend the users.
Long term,
develop and make legal safe drugs.
Then sit
back and enjoy as Derek Jeter hits a 600 foot home run!
The preceding was the opinion of a
cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.
"if his pecker is shrinkin the athlete is stinkin"
ReplyDeleteNow that right there is funny. Just so you'll know, I'm gonna steal it.
Judging by the way some of them have inexplicably bulked up big time I'm guessing they're now elegible to use the women's rest room.
S
let's just outlaw sports. :)
ReplyDeleteI liked TexWisGirl's comment!!
ReplyDeleteOK ladies, we can eliminate sports, as soon as you eliminate recreational shopping.
ReplyDeleteI professional baseball really wanted to eliminate this problem they'd make the punishment not worth the risk. As it is, even if he looses millions of dollars Alex Rodriguez still walks away a millionaire. Put it into their contracts that if they ever test positive for performance enhancing drugs they must return ALL of the money they've been paid.
ReplyDeleteNot an athlete, but SNL alum Joe Piscopo was rumored to be on steroids. Which kind of takes the wind out of those "performance-enhancing" sails. I never once saw him do anything that made me laugh. And his forehead ridge was downright scary.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I was in the wrong line when the shopping gene was handed out, so I'd rather give that up than give up sports. Especially football. As for enhancement drugs, all the idiots who are willing to take that stuff should be allowed to play. Just put an asterisk next to their names on the roster, and don't let 'em compete for awards or get into the Hall of Fame.
ReplyDeleteGod knows what the solution it, but yours is as good as any I've heard and even though I've only just heard it I'm going to adopt it myself and also predict it is what will happen. Seriously, no matter how many scalps they get it seems no one is deterred and actually it just reinforces the impression that everyone in sports is taking something. It has got utterly ridiculous!
ReplyDelete