STUPID HEADLINES 012013
Time again for stupid headlines of the
week and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments:
Ohio teacher cites fear of children in discrimination
suit – I can identify with this lady. I am planning to sue the Yankees for
discriminating against me due to my extreme fear of fast pitching and high fly-balls!
400-pound woman who fell through NYC sidewalk says size
save her life – Woman claims
her size helped cushion her fall through sidewalk which previously supported
the weight of 5,000,000,000 different pedestrians.
Hmmm, good thing she’s fat! I
think the logic train pulled out before she reached the station.
Fort Bragg to stop using goats in medical training – Those goats really never made very good
doctors anyway.
California teacher who appeared in porn loses appeal to
get job back –
Couldn’t she get
her job back and still be appealing?
California Facing Drought of Children – Global
Warming?
Taxpayers foot $222,000 bathroom
renovation for (former) interior secretary – I don’t remember voting for that.
Ex-New Orleans mayor charged with
bribery, fraud - he used his office for personal gain, accepting payoffs, free
trips and gratuities from contractors while the city was struggling to recover
from the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.
Yeah, but GEORGE BUSH JUST DID A FLY
OVER, that insensitive scumbag!
Lounging at the Lego Hotel
– The Lincoln Log Motel is cheaper.
$400,000 in diamonds stolen from car parked outside Florida buffet – I am such an idiot, my car was broken into and all I claimed to the insurance company was $1.78 and a bowling ball.
Connecticut's alleged cross-dressing meth priest reportedly liked sex in rectory – Rectory? Is that what it is called in Latin?
Lobsters, crabs feel pain, scientists say – Crustaceans in traps actually feel pain.
Crabby Obama Caught in Budget Trap – President
feels their pain.
Donna Lange,
51, ‘smothers boyfriend to death with breasts during drunken row in caravan’
– You have a right to bear arms, but not
bare boobs.
What makes
Mars such a sweet workplace? – I don’t care what the perks are, the commute
is a bitch!
Minnesota lawyer who had affair with client bills her for
time spent having sex – Big
deal, lawyers often screw their clients more than once.
man, I needed your comments on these this week. thanks
ReplyDeleteWhere do you find these?? Sometimes the world is so stupid I wonder how the human race has survived this long.
ReplyDelete"...I am such an idiot, my car was broken into and all I claimed to the insurance company was $1.78 and a bowling ball..."
ReplyDeleteYou mean you forgot to tell them about the Monet in the boot?
Wonderful piece to enjoy over the weekend. Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDelete"Minnesota lawyer who had affair with client bills her for time spent having sex – Big deal, lawyers often screw their clients more than once."
ReplyDelete;)
A lawyer and a burly construction worker were standing on a street corner when a good looking woman walks by. The construction worker lets out a cat call and mutters, "I sure would like to screw her". The lawyer asks, "Out of what?"
Another great Sunday of headlines! I have to remember to stop carrying my bag of diamonds and gold in the car with me. And the heavy woman who fell through the sidewalk I wonder if they just put concrete over her to fill up the hole she made falling through! :)
ReplyDeleteThat Martian commute really is a bitch!
ReplyDeleteOnce again, your comments cracked me up more than the headlines did.
ReplyDeleteYour brain on headlines is profound and hilarious.
ReplyDelete