NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 012013


STUPID HEADLINES 012013
 
 

 

Time again for stupid headlines of the week and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments:

 

Ohio teacher cites fear of children in discrimination suit – I can identify with this lady.  I am planning to sue the Yankees for discriminating against me due to my extreme fear of fast pitching and high fly-balls!

400-pound woman who fell through NYC sidewalk says size save her life – Woman claims her size helped cushion her fall through sidewalk which previously supported the weight of 5,000,000,000 different pedestrians.  Hmmm, good thing she’s fat!  I think the logic train pulled out before she reached the station.

Fort Bragg to stop using goats in medical training – Those goats really never made very good doctors anyway.

California teacher who appeared in porn loses appeal to get job back – 

Couldn’t she get her job back and still be appealing?


California Facing Drought of Children – Global Warming?

Taxpayers foot $222,000 bathroom renovation for (former) interior secretary I don’t remember voting for that.

Ex-New Orleans mayor charged with bribery, fraud - he used his office for personal gain, accepting payoffs, free trips and gratuities from contractors while the city was struggling to recover from the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.  Yeah, but GEORGE BUSH JUST DID A FLY OVER, that insensitive scumbag!

Lounging at the Lego HotelThe Lincoln Log Motel is cheaper.

 
$400,000 in diamonds stolen from car parked outside Florida buffet – I am such an idiot, my car was broken into and all I claimed to the insurance company was $1.78 and a bowling ball.

Connecticut's alleged cross-dressing meth priest reportedly liked sex in rectory
– Rectory? Is that what it is called in Latin? 

Lobsters, crabs feel pain, scientists say – Crustaceans in traps actually feel pain.

Crabby Obama Caught in Budget Trap – President feels their pain.

Donna Lange, 51, ‘smothers boyfriend to death with breasts during drunken row in caravan’You have a right to bear arms, but not bare boobs.

What makes Mars such a sweet workplace? – I don’t care what the perks are, the commute is a bitch!

Minnesota lawyer who had affair with client bills her for time spent having sex – Big deal, lawyers often screw their clients more than once.

9 comments:

  1. man, I needed your comments on these this week. thanks

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where do you find these?? Sometimes the world is so stupid I wonder how the human race has survived this long.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "...I am such an idiot, my car was broken into and all I claimed to the insurance company was $1.78 and a bowling ball..."

    You mean you forgot to tell them about the Monet in the boot?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wonderful piece to enjoy over the weekend. Thanks for sharing it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Minnesota lawyer who had affair with client bills her for time spent having sex – Big deal, lawyers often screw their clients more than once."

    ;)

    A lawyer and a burly construction worker were standing on a street corner when a good looking woman walks by. The construction worker lets out a cat call and mutters, "I sure would like to screw her". The lawyer asks, "Out of what?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. Another great Sunday of headlines! I have to remember to stop carrying my bag of diamonds and gold in the car with me. And the heavy woman who fell through the sidewalk I wonder if they just put concrete over her to fill up the hole she made falling through! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. That Martian commute really is a bitch!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Once again, your comments cracked me up more than the headlines did.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your brain on headlines is profound and hilarious.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!