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Thursday, January 24, 2013

CABLE THEFT - part II Cable Smable


When we last left the Cranky Old Man, he was concerned about a pending Cable Guy check-up which might detect his three illegal hook-ups.

If you need to catch up here is part I:

Caught up? OK

Desperate to not go to jail for theft of service or to have to pay $150 plus penalties, I rushed to undo my multiple hook-ups by Tuesday…four days away.

I removed all my splitters, pulled all the now worthless cable wire and patched up all the holes leading to my extra TVs.  Paranoid about the cable cop’s inspection I even removed my extra TVs and stored them in my attic…in the back…covered with blankets.

When Tuesday came I was determined to not allow access in my home past the primary TV.  If they wanted to find proof of my TV transgression, they would have to get a search warrant.  I doubted any judge would believe that airplane-interference crap and issue a search warrant.  Still I worried.  I worried on Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  On Tuesday I took a personal day from work so I could make sure the cable gurus did not find any evidence of my illegal multiple hook-ups.

Tuesday came and I waited for the cable detectives to come.  They were due between 10 and 4.  I sweated from 10 to 3:30 when a cable truck pulled up.  I waited inside for 20 minutes before the cable guy finally rang the bell.

“Mr. Hagy?”


“Mr. Hagy I’m from the cable company, sorry we came so late…I think we found the signal leak we mentioned to you last Friday.”


“Yeah, you do any digging in the back in the last year?”

“Ah…well I did put in a walk way…had to do some digging to put in the edging…”

“Well that did it.  We found a nick in the cable right by the walk.  We fixed it and your signal should be just fine now.  You were probably having issues with channels 2 and 4 right?”

“Well no,” I lied, “But thanks.”

“Gee, I’m surprised you didn’t have any reception problem, but at least were sure there won’t be any interference to airplane instruments that pass overhead.”

“Is that really a problem?”

“Not generally, but yes, it does happen.  You have a good day now.”

The cable guy did not even come into my house.  They detected a signal leak outside with some kind of instrument and repaired the leak in 20 minutes.

I checked my TV and sure enough, channel 2 and 4 now came in as crystal clear as the other 38 channels.  Two and four were also available on my other 3 sets along with channels 5, 7, 9, 11 and 13…plus a few UHF stations.  They were a bit fuzzy unless you got the rabbit-ear antennae just right.

I was not about to re-wire my other sets to cable.  Not only was I still afraid of being caught, but I sure did not want to be responsible for an airline accident. 


  1. That's it? No bust, no being hauled off in chains? No tales from the Big House? haha!

    I can only imagine how relieved you must have felt. :)


  2. It's so funny how much we freak out afraid of being caught just trying to save money. Then, they are none the wiser. Glad nothing serious happened. Thanks for the funny story.
    I found you on "My Daily Jenn-ism". Stop by and see me sometime.

  3. 747 crashes into Cranky's house. Cranky survives but is jailed for jamming the airwaves.

  4. I find that as a rule most of the things we worry about never happen. In my life when the shit hits the fan it isn't anything I've wasted time worrying about.

  5. I'm so glad you didn't go to the "big house". From reading your posts, I don't think you'd ever get time off for good behavior!!

  6. Shoot, I wish you were my neighbor - I could use a little help with my cable - little sick of the $200 f'ing bill!!

  7. This whole thing just made me think of Jim Carrey!

  8. Oh! What tangled web we weave when first we practice stringing cable throughout our house to steal TV service that is rightfully ours.

  9. So funny! Guilt can make us so paranoid! Good thing they didn't just come out unannounced to fix the signal problem and discover your splitter and additional hookups... and aren't we glad we no longer have to do that dance with them?! Great story :-)

  10. I wanted sirens! Megaphones! FBI agents swooping in from all entry points!

  11. That's so funny I remember all that splitting paranoia. We also had a "secret chip" once upon a time on an "acquired" cable box.


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