THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
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Saturday, January 19, 2013
I Shouldn’t Be Alive III
I Shouldn’t Be Alive
As I watch the 6 o’clock
news, and read the latest expert surveys on the internet it becomes more and
more clear that for many reasons:
I SHOULDN”T BE ALIVE
I drank from
communal water fountains and garden hoses
started a car hooking pos to pos and neg to neg
I ate peanut
handrails without using Purell
I used J+J
Baby Oil to “Tan Faster”
without a seatbelt
I dove in
the shallow end
I ran with
I ate really
heavy machinery while on Alka-Seltzer Plus
I watched TV
from way up close
“Pop Rocks” with soda.
I didn’t eat
all my vegetables
I drove with
my ex-wife drive while she was having “an incident.” (Throwing a shit fit!)
I struck a
match without closing the cover
I took an aspirin
that was past the expiration date
the recommended dose of Ibuprofen to battle a really bad hangover.
with mercury from a broken thermometer.
reasons I should not be above ground see: