STUPID HEADLINES 012713
It is time once again for:
And you thought there was only one
With Cranky’s stupider, sophomoric, and sometimes offensive comments
Russia moves to enact anti-gay law nationwide – Country is also considering making left-handedness illegal, along with laws against being blind or deaf. Russian leader stated, “We are sick and tired of all these inconvenient differences!”
Republicans hit Democrats with ’179 trips to the moon’ since Senate passed a budget – Even more graphic, the Giants have beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl twice since the Democratic senate last passed a Budget.
McDonald's settles $700,000 suit over Islamic diet in US – Fast food restaurant also agrees to stop serving Osama Mac-Ladin burgers.
Former French President Sarkozy may leave country to avoid high taxes – Ex-Prez disputes the high tax claim saying he just wants to get away from “Stinky Cheese.”
Rhode Island lawmaker introduces legislation to save father-daughter dances - Traditional dance was cancelled because it was gender specific. New law would allow the event if other functions for opposing genders were offered. So there will be a father-daughter dance, a mother-son dance, a father lesbian-daughter dance, and a mother gay-son dance. ACLU will intervene in behalf of bi-sexual sons and daughters…our culture is doomed!
Man who lost nose to cancer will grow a new one on his arm – How will he wipe his sleeve on his sleeve?
Subway Sued Over ‘Footlongs’ That Came Up Short – Thank you lawyers, the world will now be a better place, except I now fear wives might get together and file a class action against husbands.
Las Vegas woman reportedly sues Match.com for $10M, claims site doesn't properly scan applicants – Maybe we should sue bars for any pick-ups that go wrong. I’m pretty sure Match offers a disclosure, “Warning some men you meet on-line might be complete assholes.”
Packers' Saturday calling it quits after Pro Bowl – Saturday to quit playing on Sunday.
School to Limit Parental Access to Children – School now has a three year waiting list for enrollment!
Cory Booker rescues dog left outside Newark home – For those of you outside New Jersey, Cory Booker is the Mayor of Newark. He regularly dons his cape and stops robbers, rescues people from fires, lifts cars off pedestrians, and now saves freezing dogs. He is an actual Super-Hero! Only in New Jersey!
Lingerie Football League losing the lingerie – I am there! What channel?
Philadelphia school district defends decision to scold, search student over paper gun – Rules are rules, but it is a shame when a school loses the ability to think!
Come back next week for more
STUPID HEADLINES OF THE WEEK