STUPID HEADLINES 012713
It is time once again
for:
STUPID HEADLINES
And you thought there was only one
With Cranky’s stupider,
sophomoric, and sometimes offensive comments
Russia moves to enact anti-gay law
nationwide – Country is also considering making left-handedness
illegal, along with laws against being blind or deaf. Russian leader stated, “We are sick and tired
of all these inconvenient differences!”
Republicans hit Democrats with ’179
trips to the moon’ since Senate passed a budget – Even more graphic, the Giants have
beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl twice since the Democratic senate last
passed a Budget.
McDonald's settles $700,000 suit over Islamic diet in US
– Fast food restaurant also agrees to
stop serving Osama Mac-Ladin burgers.
Former French President Sarkozy may leave country to
avoid high taxes – Ex-Prez
disputes the high tax claim saying he just wants to get away from “Stinky
Cheese.”
Rhode Island lawmaker introduces legislation to save
father-daughter dances - Traditional dance
was cancelled because it was gender specific.
New law would allow the event if other functions for opposing genders were
offered. So there will be a
father-daughter dance, a mother-son dance, a father lesbian-daughter dance, and
a mother gay-son dance. ACLU will
intervene in behalf of bi-sexual sons and daughters…our culture is doomed!
Man who lost nose to cancer will grow a new one on his
arm – How will he wipe
his sleeve on his sleeve?
Subway Sued Over ‘Footlongs’ That Came Up Short
– Thank you lawyers, the world will now
be a better place, except I now fear wives might get together and file a class
action against husbands.
Las Vegas woman reportedly sues Match.com for $10M,
claims site doesn't properly scan applicants – Maybe we should sue bars for any pick-ups that go
wrong. I’m pretty sure Match offers a
disclosure, “Warning some men you meet on-line might be complete assholes.”
Packers' Saturday calling it quits after Pro Bowl – Saturday to quit playing on Sunday.
School to Limit Parental Access to
Children – School now has a three year waiting list for enrollment!
Cory
Booker rescues dog left outside Newark home – For
those of you outside New Jersey, Cory Booker is the Mayor of Newark. He regularly dons his cape and stops robbers,
rescues people from fires, lifts cars off pedestrians, and now saves freezing
dogs. He is an actual Super-Hero! Only in New Jersey!
Lingerie Football League losing the
lingerie – I am there! What channel?
Philadelphia school district defends decision to scold,
search student over paper gun – Rules
are rules, but it is a shame when a school loses the ability to think!
Come back next week for more
STUPID HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
"Republicans hit Democrats with ’179 trips to the moon’ since Senate passed a budget"
ReplyDeleteHere's an idea: Let's give 'em ALL a trip to the moon...one way!
"Lingerie Football League losing the lingerie"
So will it now be known as the "Pastie League"?
S
Oh really, a paper gun. give me a break.
ReplyDeleteI really need to come up with something to sue McDonalds over. Seems like they buckle under to a lot of those suits and pay the money. thinking......thinking.
Another great Sunday edition, this is always far better than reading the actual news! Keep'em coming!:-)
ReplyDeletealways funny! thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteNever underestimate the stupidity of people!!
ReplyDeleteIs that a right handed or left handed gun. Oh, wait. The kid's not in Russia.
ReplyDeleteI want to know: If a kid points his finger at someone and goes "Bang", will they confiscate his hand?
ReplyDeleteThat school needs to write a grant to fund a remedial art class. The gun kid should be first on the roster.
ReplyDeleteA paper gun??? Just when I think the enforcement of so-called "zero intolerance" can't get any stupider, something like this happens. Sounds like zero brains to me.
ReplyDeleteOkay, you had me at the Osama Mac-Ladin burger. Funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteDamn you, Joe.....I hurt my sides over these. You have outdone yourself today.
ReplyDeleteThanks a bunch. I really needed that.
Hilarious! Love your weekly headlines I can never pick just one favorite- they are all great! Keep up the weekly headline funnies!
ReplyDelete