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Sunday, January 27, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 012713


STUPID HEADLINES 012713

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINES
And you thought there was only one
 

With Cranky’s stupider, sophomoric, and sometimes offensive comments

Russia moves to enact anti-gay law nationwide – Country is also considering making left-handedness illegal, along with laws against being blind or deaf.  Russian leader stated, “We are sick and tired of all these inconvenient differences!”

Republicans hit Democrats with ’179 trips to the moon’ since Senate passed a budget – Even more graphic, the Giants have beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl twice since the Democratic senate last passed a Budget.

McDonald's settles $700,000 suit over Islamic diet in US – Fast food restaurant also agrees to stop serving Osama Mac-Ladin burgers.

Former French President Sarkozy may leave country to avoid high taxes – Ex-Prez disputes the high tax claim saying he just wants to get away from “Stinky Cheese.”

Rhode Island lawmaker introduces legislation to save father-daughter dances - Traditional dance was cancelled because it was gender specific.  New law would allow the event if other functions for opposing genders were offered.  So there will be a father-daughter dance, a mother-son dance, a father lesbian-daughter dance, and a mother gay-son dance.  ACLU will intervene in behalf of bi-sexual sons and daughters…our culture is doomed!

Man who lost nose to cancer will grow a new one on his arm – How will he wipe his sleeve on his sleeve?

Subway Sued Over ‘Footlongs’ That Came Up ShortThank you lawyers, the world will now be a better place, except I now fear wives might get together and file a class action against husbands.

Las Vegas woman reportedly sues Match.com for $10M, claims site doesn't properly scan applicants – Maybe we should sue bars for any pick-ups that go wrong.  I’m pretty sure Match offers a disclosure, “Warning some men you meet on-line might be complete assholes.”

Packers' Saturday calling it quits after Pro BowlSaturday to quit playing on Sunday.

School to Limit Parental Access to Children – School now has a three year waiting list for enrollment!

Cory Booker rescues dog left outside Newark home – For those of you outside New Jersey, Cory Booker is the Mayor of Newark.  He regularly dons his cape and stops robbers, rescues people from fires, lifts cars off pedestrians, and now saves freezing dogs.  He is an actual Super-Hero!  Only in New Jersey!

Lingerie Football League losing the lingerieI am there!  What channel?

Philadelphia school district defends decision to scold, search student over paper gun – Rules are rules, but it is a shame when a school loses the ability to think!
 

Is it a bad paper gun, or a bad cut-out of the State of Florida?

Come back next week for more
STUPID HEADLINES OF THE WEEK

12 comments:

  1. "Republicans hit Democrats with ’179 trips to the moon’ since Senate passed a budget"

    Here's an idea: Let's give 'em ALL a trip to the moon...one way!

    "Lingerie Football League losing the lingerie"

    So will it now be known as the "Pastie League"?

    S

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  2. Oh really, a paper gun. give me a break.

    I really need to come up with something to sue McDonalds over. Seems like they buckle under to a lot of those suits and pay the money. thinking......thinking.

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  3. Another great Sunday edition, this is always far better than reading the actual news! Keep'em coming!:-)

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  4. always funny! thanks for the laugh.

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  5. Never underestimate the stupidity of people!!

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  6. Is that a right handed or left handed gun. Oh, wait. The kid's not in Russia.

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  7. I want to know: If a kid points his finger at someone and goes "Bang", will they confiscate his hand?

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  8. That school needs to write a grant to fund a remedial art class. The gun kid should be first on the roster.

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  9. A paper gun??? Just when I think the enforcement of so-called "zero intolerance" can't get any stupider, something like this happens. Sounds like zero brains to me.

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  10. Okay, you had me at the Osama Mac-Ladin burger. Funny stuff.

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  11. Damn you, Joe.....I hurt my sides over these. You have outdone yourself today.

    Thanks a bunch. I really needed that.

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  12. Hilarious! Love your weekly headlines I can never pick just one favorite- they are all great! Keep up the weekly headline funnies!

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I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

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