THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
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Sunday, September 30, 2012
Stupid Headlines 093012
Stupid Headlines 093012
Sunday is time for
Cranky’s readers least favorite post, "Stupid Headlines" for the week and my stupider, sophomoric
and often offensive comments.
I swear I was never on Pine Street...I was home...ah...watching TV
Man's failing heart heals itself
before transplant – Wasn’t
that a country –western hit a few years back?
to dispense morning-after pill without notifying parents – I wish they
had those when I went to school…one more chance after a bad test right?
Why rough sea-slug sex is good – Your comments on this one are welcome…come on
Lowandslow, I dare you!
A man mauled by a 400-pound tiger at
the Bronx Zoo has been charged with criminal trespass. - Well that and having his arm ripped
off might just keep him from jumping in with a tiger again.
Kids keep 2-headed snake as pet – It has to be asked, “How do it poop?”
Industry group: bacon, pork
shortage ‘unavoidable’ – OK, THIS has got my attention.Come on Mitt, or Barack solve this issue and you’ve got my vote!
Distance between Earth and sun
redefined – Now that
is going to change EVERYTHING!! Do they measure from Mt. Everest or from Death
seeking visitation with child he fathered after attack on teen victim – What the
frig?Of course in Iran the teen would
be stoned to death as a slut so…we may be stupid as hell but at least were
Ahmadinejad addresses U.N. General
Assembly amid protests –
“Before I start,
can I grub a smoke from anyone?”
falls off 60-foot cliff while texting – PEOPLE!!!PLEASE…Do NOT text and walk!!(She survived; it’s OK to laugh your ass
find way to make old muscles young again-
face four years in prison for failing to predict earthquake – If it was me
I’d start off every day with “The Earth is round with a chance of shaking.”
Ke$ha says she had sex with a ghost – KKK clansman claims, “I had sex
with Ke$ha!” (I don’t know who she
is either; I’m assuming she is famous.)
Hong Kong tycoon offers $65M
dowry to the man who can woo his gay daughter – I’d
take her out to dinner for 100 grand.
Check out the coolest new place to have a cocktail: underwater – “I’ll have a double scotch with an
ocean chaser please.”