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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Stupid Headlines 093012

Stupid Headlines 093012

Sunday is time for Cranky’s readers least favorite post, "Stupid Headlines" for the week and my stupider, sophomoric and often offensive comments.
I swear I was never on Pine Street...I was home...ah...watching TV

Man's failing heart heals itself before transplant – Wasn’t that a country –western hit a few years back?

NYC schools to dispense morning-after pill without notifying parents – I wish they had those when I went to school…one more chance after a bad test right?

Why rough sea-slug sex is good – Your comments on this one are welcome…come on Lowandslow, I dare you!

A man mauled by a 400-pound tiger at the Bronx Zoo has been charged with criminal trespass. - Well that and having his arm ripped off might just keep him from jumping in with a tiger again.

Kids keep 2-headed snake as pet – It has to be asked, “How do it poop?”

Industry group: bacon, pork shortage ‘unavoidable’ – OK, THIS has got my attention.  Come on Mitt, or Barack solve this issue and you’ve got my vote!

Distance between Earth and sun redefined – Now that is going to change EVERYTHING!! Do they measure from Mt. Everest or from Death Valley?

Rapist seeking visitation with child he fathered after attack on teen victim – What the frig?  Of course in Iran the teen would be stoned to death as a slut so…we may be stupid as hell but at least were civilized.

Ahmadinejad addresses U.N. General Assembly amid protests
“Before I start, can I grub a smoke from anyone?”



Alaska woman falls off 60-foot cliff while texting – PEOPLE!!!  PLEASE…Do NOT text and walk!!  (She survived; it’s OK to laugh your ass off.)

Scientists find way to make old muscles young again-

Scientists face four years in prison for failing to predict earthquake – If it was me I’d start off every day with “The Earth is round with a chance of shaking.”

Ke$ha says she had sex with a ghost – KKK clansman claims, “I had sex with Ke$ha!” (I don’t know who she is either; I’m assuming she is famous.)

Hong Kong tycoon offers $65M dowry to the man who can woo his gay daughter – I’d take her out to dinner for 100 grand.

Check out the coolest new place to have a cocktail: underwater – “I’ll have a double scotch with an ocean chaser please.”



  1. "Why rough sea-slug sex is good"

    Good? Compared to what? I wasn't going to admit anything publicly, but since you dared me....ahem....I found it to be rather lame. I mean, regarless of how much lipstick you put on it, it's still a freaking SLUG!

  2. Sometimes a headline is funny and needs no comment, Lowandslow's is better than anything I came up with!

  3. We must suffer from the same mental deficiency--I love stupid headlines!

  4. You need to be on the lookout for a headline about milk weed. They are so stupid they grow in boy patches and girl patches of milkweed. If one or the other doesn't make it to an adjacent patch, no milkweed pods that year!

  5. Rough sea-slug sex describes what Mrs. Chatterbox and I engaged in when our cruise to Alaska was caught in high winds.

  6. I have to admit I like the stupid headlines.

    Rough sea-slug sex is this what happens once a sea slug gets hold of one of the little blue pills?

  7. Why rough sea-slug sex is good – Really who went THERE? And HOW do slugs have rough sex? Now I'm curious and I'm gonna have to go youtube this.

  8. Love these - what a great way to start a new working week ! At least it is a short week given we had a public holiday yesterday (thanks to celebrating the Queen's birthday which is nowhere near 1 Oct as far as I know !!!)
    Have the best day !