Fashion Rules For Men
In preparation for this event, I took a chance and dressed myself. In the usual men’s fashion thinking I chose my favorite shorts, olive green, and my favorite golf shirt, gray. When Mrs. Cranky saw my outfit she responded in the usual woman’s tactful way, “You’re not going to wear that! Are you?”
“Why no” I answered somewhat chuffed (I had to get that word in. All the UK and Aussie mums use it); “I just thought it would be funny and everyone could have a good chuckle!”
Actually being somewhat cranky I responded, “Yes, why the frig not? Is there a fashion law? Who makes those fashion laws? The gay dudes on project runway who wear scarves, berets, striped balloon pants and silk shirts opened up to their belly buttons? Sorry my balloon pants are at the cleaner, I lost my beret and it’s too friggin hot to wear a scarf!”
“Well OK! I guess you ARE going to wear that….JERK!”
What is it with fashion? Why is something that was chic, and in good taste in 2008 the stupidest, ugliest, dumbest combination of garments ever imagined in 2012?
What is good taste? Who decides? Is it the same clown who convinced the world that Earth Shoes will make you live longer? Who are the hemline police? Why are wide lapels dumb one year and sophisticated the next? Why can rock stars, movie stars, and artists wear whatever the fuck they want and it is always in style? Who owns the color wheel? Why do 55% of the world (women and gay men) get to decide what men can wear? I for one am going to rebel!
Olive green and gray go together just fine.
White socks and shorts are stylish.
The best way to dress up is find your favorite pants, your favorite shirt, your favorite socks, your favorite shoes and wear them!
New York Yankee hats make any outfit even better.
A vertical striped shirt can be worn with horizontal striped pants.
Tight pants and anything leather is just wrong.
Feathers are not allowed with the exception of a two inch plume on the side of a hat.
Anything with a flowered pattern is unacceptable.
A tee shirt worn with a sports coat is allowed only if you are a pretentious asshole.
The most important fashion rule for men….If you give a rat’s ass about what you wear you are thinking way too much! Stop thinking; just wear what your wife tells you.