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Friday, September 7, 2012



I am not an expert on many things.  As I think of it I am not an expert on anything, except I have mastered the correct response to the universal sign for “FUCK YOU!”  Yes, the finger.  How do you respond when someone gives you the finger?  I have a proven effective response to the road rage single digit salute.

Yesterday, Mrs. Cranky and I were returning from a movie (“The Help”, highly recommended.)  The exit from this theater is directly onto Rt. 1.  This is a crowded road in Central New Jersey.  It is not Rt. 2078, it is ROUTE ONE!  Exiting this theatre and entering Rt. 1 can be dicey.  A wimp could be stuck forever and never get home.  Mrs. Cranky, as mild mannered as they come, is no wimp behind the wheel.

Mrs. C saw an opening and took it.  Apparently the blue Camry she jumped out in front of did not like her maneuver.  The car behind us did not have to brake.  The driver maybe had to take their foot off the gas.  I know I have taken my foot of the gas thousands of times to let someone get on the road.  Hell I have even tapped the brake occasionally.  It has never upset me to do that. 

It upset the Lady in the blue Camry.

The lady in the blue Camry leaned on the horn several times to show her displeasure.  Unapologetic, we pulled off the Rt. 1 exit to enter Rt. 18 south.  The blue Camry pulled off, apparently heading for Rt. 18 north.  She honked again, and as she was pulling alongside Mrs. C said, “She’s going to give us the finger!”

“Give her two quick friendly type beeps.” I said, and Mrs. Cranky complied.  As the blue Camry was giving me the finger, Mrs. C beeped friendly like, and I smiled and waved enthusiastically as if I thought I knew the driver.

There is a certain satisfaction involved in flipping the road rage bird.  The satisfaction in knowing you just told someone else that they were   reckless and stupid.  There is satisfaction in telling someone off by signing, and they have no opportunity to respond.  By smiling, beeping and waving, the blue Camry was robbed of this satisfaction.  The blue Camry thought we thought we knew her and that her honking was to get our attention.

When we parted our ways, the blue Camry swerved and almost hit the exit curb.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not get upset and fire the finger back.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not even acknowledge her dissatisfaction.  She was pissed that we did not acknowledge that she just flipped us the bird. 

We laughed our asses off.

If you happen to stumble across this blog, lady in the blue Camry; we saw your salute and we laughed at you.  Now go fuck yourself!  ASSHOLE!!


  1. Good response. I guess if they were REALLY beligerant you could blow 'em a kiss, too? I'll have to give it a try.

    How's the eye doing?


  2. Great solution! If it's a hot day, and we both have windows down, I usually give a big smile and say, "God bless you!" They NEVER know how to respond to that except to get even redder in the face :-)

  3. Ah, a true sadist. Spot on.
    Took a bad moment in her day and totally shredded the rest of the day.

  4. Oh Cranky - that is so cool...I am sitting here giggling. What a brilliant manoeuvre - I shall use it with great enthusiasm from now on.

    Brilliant !

  5. good idea, joe! and i hope blue camry sees your blog.. especially the ending!

  6. I've been doing this for YEARS and it works every time.

  7. This just happened to me! I scooted into traffic--didn't cut anybody off--next thing I know some jackass pulls up next to me and flips me the bird. I just gave him my dumb blonde look, grinned and waved frantically like I was soooo happy to see him! Yeah, he looked at me like I was mental--I just laughed and drove on.
    Glad I found you blog on the hop. Newest follower on your GFC. If you have a moment stop by and say hello--follow only if you like people with a weird sense of humor!! Thanks for sharing!!

  8. I live in the land of the bird. It flies out of most cars in this area. I like your approach. Usually I just moon them but yours would probably be safer. :)