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Sunday, September 16, 2012

Stupid Headlines 091612

Stupid Headlines 091612

Time again for Cranky’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

Dance studio offers kiddie pole dancing classes – Because it is never too early to train tomorrow’s whores.

Foul Smell Reported Across Southern California He who smelt it dealt it.


Panetta hints at punishment for bin Laden book author – Apparently this Navy Seal American Hero gave a story of the Bin Laden raid which differed from the White House account.  Clearly he must be punished!

 Define casual


Howard Stern calls Jay Leno a 'spineless maggot' – Come on Howard!  This is just so wrong.  Everyone knows that maggots don’t have spines.


Principal Sees Racism in Peanut Butter Racists from all over the world travel to view the sacred racist peanut butter.  Is the tap-dancing Mr. Peanut racist?

Rare spider found in Texas shuts down $15M construction project – One of only two of its species known to exist.  If they’re not the same sex, put them together, otherwise step on the sucker and start building!

Naked German Monk Likely a Victim of Hallucinogenic BerriesYeah, I tried that in ‘73…no one bought it then either.


ACLU sues Georgia in KKK litter program fightState of Georgia is a little worried of the Clan’s definition of “Litter.”


New Jersey woman accused of hitting train conductor – As one who rode New Jersey Transit and endured these sanctimonious shitheads for forty years…THANK YOU!


FBI: 'Bucket List Bandit' caught in Oklahoma -   How many years do you get for stealing a “Bucket List?”


White House Unveils Sequestration Plan – I think the President has more important things to worry about than horseback riding!


Hey don’t blame me if these are really weak, I don’t make the headlines!


  1. RE: the spider and the $15M Texas construction project....

    So some Bubba saw a spider, looked it up to see what it was and it's environmental protection status, then reported it to his supervisor? And the supervisor passed it on up the ladder? I think they were all just looking to take the day off.


  2. Okay, okay... I hijacked the Dollar store/Walmart bit, posted it to Facebook, and it was like magic.
    I hesitate to give you credit, though, for other folks stupidity.

  3. I had no idea I was supposed to dress up to shop at Wal-Mart. I better send my tux to the cleaners.

  4. I'm trying to understand in the top headline why on the earth it matters that the woman waved at a man dressed as a Snickers before she beat up her ex. Totally doesn't make sense... Of course, why it's a headline to start with doesn't make sense to me.