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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

You Always Say That


You Always Say That

The other day I’m watching TV in bed with Mrs.  C.  It’s Sunday and there is an all-day marathon of “Four Weddings.”  I missed Saturday’s all-day marathon of “Say Yes to the Dress” but Sunday I got hooked on Four Weddings.  Yes, I know, don’t even say it, my wife is turning me gay.  The final four of the NCAA Championship was played this weekend, and I haven’t seen a single game, but I can tell you all about wedding dresses with ruching, crumb catchers and beaded bodices.

Anyway, as I hoist my rainbow flag, I was watching Four Weddings, where four couples attend their weddings and then nit-pick them to death hoping to win a trip to the Caribbean for having the best wedding.

“OMG that beef is cooked perfectly, how can those women complain it is too rare.  If it was cooked any longer they would call it shoe leather!”

“You always say that!”

“Well they always complain about the same things.”

“You always say the same things.  When we watch ‘Wheel of Fortune’ you always have to say ‘I hate the Before and After catagory’.  When we watch ‘Jeopardy’ you always have to mock Alex saying ‘Oh No!’”

Well, crap!  We’ve been married for seven years, together nine.  Who am I, George Carlin?  I’ve run out of material.  Charming and witty has gone to repetitive and boring.  What the hell do couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years talk about?  Is that why we lose our memory as we age, to keep things fresh?

How is it this woman can watch the same movie again and again and not get tired of it but complain because I make the same observations over and over.

“I never hear you complain about watching ‘Pretty Woman’ once a month!  Why do you complain if I repeat myself now and then?”

“First of all, you aren’t Richard Gere, and second ‘Now and then?’ How about ‘all-the-time!’”

“You could use some new material too!  Like every time I repeat myself, do you have to tell me ‘You always say that’, or ‘You’re a Jerk’?”

“OK, how about instead of ‘YOU’RE A JERK!’; ‘YOU’RE AN ASS!’”

“I hate you.”

“You always say that.”

13 comments:

  1. Now I've stopped laughing I will explain that it was easier for me and mine. I didn't watch TV programmes and Joe didn't listen to music, consequently there was no name calling.

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  2. DH doesn't watch fashion shows, but he watched those cooking shows - and later he's hanging in the refrigerator.

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  3. You know it's true, we do run out of fresh material. We find ourselves finishing each others stories because we've heard them so many times. It's handy because the hubs is having a little memory difficulty so when he stops suddenly and looks blank I can give him the next word and he's off again. Mrs C needs to have a little patience. Maybe some day you'll be finishing stories for her and I'll bet you won't call her a 'jerk'.

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  4. Omg. You two kill me. And really, you are a lit'l bit Carlin-ish. :) But ya' know what? None of your readers will ever comment, "you always say that." Your posts are always fresh. :)

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  5. Our son is starting to tell me I need new material so I can easily sympathize with you. My Mrs. C. is now watching Four Weddings all the time in anticipation of our son's wedding in October.

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  6. Well, she has a point...you aren't Richard Gere. I love your wife. She has spunk. I know, I always say that.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. I hate it when we begin watching a program and she randomly changes it because "you have already seen this one Jimmy", but she changes it to something she watches every day, I point this out, she smiles and calls me an angel.....I know what she really means.

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  8. Heeheehee! You two are so much fun. Sweetie and i have been married over 30 years and we need new material, but that's okay, if we hang out another decade maybe we will forget that we've heard it before.

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  9. My wife is hooked on old movies. She did call me into the tv room last week to watch a segment of a show called Carnaval Food (I think). I realized after a few minutes, Now this is a show I can sink my teeth into:)

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  10. It will be 43 years of wedded bliss come this August. What do we talk about? What do we watch on TV? Well...he watches the action and I watch DIY, Hgtv, and other fix it up shows so I have plenty to talk to him about..like fixing the bathroom ceiling, kitchen counter tops, the outdoor kitchen I want, the wood floors that need some help...you get the picture!

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  11. I hate Four Weddings, because every time I come across it, I have to watch until the end. Those gals are most critical and give the lowest ratings to the one they think is their toughest competition.

    Last week on the morning reruns, one had the nerve to mark down another bride because her venue was too small. DUH! There was a HURRICANE, and they had to move inside at the last minute! Another had a Christmas themed wedding, and one marked her down because she didn't think there should be a Christmas tree as part of the decorations.

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  12. I do like a nice beaded bodice on a wedding dress.

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  13. We've been married 62 years & ran out of new things to talk about years ago so we've just stopped talking to each other!!

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