You Always Say That
The other day I’m watching TV in bed with Mrs. C. It’s Sunday and there is an all-day marathon of “Four Weddings.” I missed Saturday’s all-day marathon of “Say Yes to the Dress” but Sunday I got hooked on Four Weddings. Yes, I know, don’t even say it, my wife is turning me gay. The final four of the NCAA Championship was played this weekend, and I haven’t seen a single game, but I can tell you all about wedding dresses with ruching, crumb catchers and beaded bodices.
Anyway, as I hoist my rainbow flag, I was watching Four Weddings, where four couples attend their weddings and then nit-pick them to death hoping to win a trip to the Caribbean for having the best wedding.
“OMG that beef is cooked perfectly, how can those women complain it is too rare. If it was cooked any longer they would call it shoe leather!”
“You always say that!”
“Well they always complain about the same things.”
“You always say the same things. When we watch ‘Wheel of Fortune’ you always have to say ‘I hate the Before and After catagory’. When we watch ‘Jeopardy’ you always have to mock Alex saying ‘Oh No!’”
Well, crap! We’ve been married for seven years, together nine. Who am I, George Carlin? I’ve run out of material. Charming and witty has gone to repetitive and boring. What the hell do couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years talk about? Is that why we lose our memory as we age, to keep things fresh?
How is it this woman can watch the same movie again and again and not get tired of it but complain because I make the same observations over and over.
“I never hear you complain about watching ‘Pretty Woman’ once a month! Why do you complain if I repeat myself now and then?”
“First of all, you aren’t Richard Gere, and second ‘Now and then?’ How about ‘all-the-time!’”
“You could use some new material too! Like every time I repeat myself, do you have to tell me ‘You always say that’, or ‘You’re a Jerk’?”
“OK, how about instead of ‘YOU’RE A JERK!’; ‘YOU’RE AN ASS!’”
“I hate you.”
“You always say that.”