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Sunday, April 9, 2017

Stupid headlines 040917

Stupid headlines 040917
It’s time again for
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
Nearly naked California woman claims she's a mermaid – Who is this naked woman, or is it a tail of two titties?
Dustin Johnson's Masters in question after fall down stairs – Jeff Gillooly leaving the residence with a 2 iron claims he “knows nothing.”
Shoplifter calls 911 after hiding in dressing room, gets locked inside store – This needs no comment.
Pennsylvania man arrested for DUI wore 'Drunk Lives Matter' shirt – Probably not a good choice.
Earth's mantle is more than 100 degrees F hotter than scientists thought – Actually, they think it is 100 degrees hotter than they thought, when they try to measure it, the thermometers keep melting.
Man cited for eating pizza at SF bus stop – It is OK to pee in the street , but don’t eat pizza at the bus stop.
Riders ignore woman with head trapped between subway doors – Are you kidding?  It’s NYC, if she needed help she would ask, otherwise she’d just yell, “Wadda you lookin at?”
Mexicans now prefer Canada over US for vacations – “Welcome to Canada eh.”  “Si?”  “Eh?”  “Si.”  “Eh?”  “Si.” “Hoser.”
Woman Caught Urinating on President Trump’s Golf Course Loses Legal Case Against His Company – If this was strictly enforced, the jails would be full of golfers.
Woman charged with choking teen for blocking view at Disney fireworks show – I guess those giant ears drove her mad as a hatter, but this is still pretty goofy.
Harvard to Change Historical Anthem Because ‘It’s No Longer Inclusive’ – What, like Harvard is inclusive?  They wouldn’t let me in.
The Feel-good story of the week:
Indian Villagers Rescue A Baby Elephant That Fell Into A 70ft Well – A baby elephant, that’s almost as good as a dog story.
Come back next week for more


  1. My one experience with the fireworks at DisneyWorld made me totally not surprised by that headline. The golf course headline smacks of sexual discrimination to me (but maybe it was a political statement?)

  2. Oh, and the spit my Sunday morning coffee onto my laptop keyboard for this week was the woman with her head caught in the subway door -- Wadda you lookin' at!

  3. Amazing that the little elephant didn't break any bones! Was that truly 70'? Didn't look like it to me.

  4. If only the Golf Course Uninator could have held it until she got to a San Francisco street!

    1. URINATOR! My 13-year-old self was too busy snickering at your mermaid comment to spell properly.

  5. "A tail of two titties" I will be laughing at this all day...Thank you Joe.

  6. Was the THE Oglethorpe of Ogie Oglethorpe fame?

  7. I've come to the conclusion that California is messed up beyond repair. Just saying.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday, as always.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  8. I'm not sure how you find 'em but I love 'em.

  9. Uh, are you subtly letting us know you might have watered a golf course or two in your day:))

  10. Loved these, as usual!!

  11. Harvard would call themselves inclusive, if your parents can pay and give a generous endowment, you can probably get in.

  12. "Man cited for eating pizza at SF bus stop"

    Everyone knows you can't eat pizza at a bus stop unless you bring enough for everyone. That's the first rule of First Grade. ;)

  13. Ha! "...a tail of two titties?"

    I've said it before but you have a definite talent for coming up with these funny comments. Have a terrific week.

  14. 'A Tail of Two Titties'. . . I see what you did there. . .

    And somehow, the very idea of a woman cited for public urination just makes me laugh, all by itself. I mean, for guys, the world is their urinal, but a woman. . . I mean, she had to be really intentional about it. . .

  15. Now I've got that Scott McKenzie song in my head... ♪♫♪♫ If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your head, but don't eat pizza at the bus stop ♪♫♪♫

    Well, minus the pizza part.