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Sunday, April 9, 2017

Stupid headlines 040917

Stupid headlines 040917
It’s time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
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Nearly naked California woman claims she's a mermaid – Who is this naked woman, or is it a tail of two titties?
Dustin Johnson's Masters in question after fall down stairs – Jeff Gillooly leaving the residence with a 2 iron claims he “knows nothing.”
Shoplifter calls 911 after hiding in dressing room, gets locked inside store – This needs no comment.
Pennsylvania man arrested for DUI wore 'Drunk Lives Matter' shirt – Probably not a good choice.
Earth's mantle is more than 100 degrees F hotter than scientists thought – Actually, they think it is 100 degrees hotter than they thought, when they try to measure it, the thermometers keep melting.
Man cited for eating pizza at SF bus stop – It is OK to pee in the street http://time.com/4199747/open-air-urinal-san-francisco/ , but don’t eat pizza at the bus stop.
Riders ignore woman with head trapped between subway doors – Are you kidding?  It’s NYC, if she needed help she would ask, otherwise she’d just yell, “Wadda you lookin at?”
Mexicans now prefer Canada over US for vacations – “Welcome to Canada eh.”  “Si?”  “Eh?”  “Si.”  “Eh?”  “Si.” “Hoser.”
Woman Caught Urinating on President Trump’s Golf Course Loses Legal Case Against His Company – If this was strictly enforced, the jails would be full of golfers.
Woman charged with choking teen for blocking view at Disney fireworks show – I guess those giant ears drove her mad as a hatter, but this is still pretty goofy.
Harvard to Change Historical Anthem Because ‘It’s No Longer Inclusive’ – What, like Harvard is inclusive?  They wouldn’t let me in.
The Feel-good story of the week:
Indian Villagers Rescue A Baby Elephant That Fell Into A 70ft Well – A baby elephant, that’s almost as good as a dog story.
Come back next week for more
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

16 comments:

  1. My one experience with the fireworks at DisneyWorld made me totally not surprised by that headline. The golf course headline smacks of sexual discrimination to me (but maybe it was a political statement?)

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  2. Oh, and the spit my Sunday morning coffee onto my laptop keyboard for this week was the woman with her head caught in the subway door -- Wadda you lookin' at!

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  3. Amazing that the little elephant didn't break any bones! Was that truly 70'? Didn't look like it to me.

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  4. If only the Golf Course Uninator could have held it until she got to a San Francisco street!

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    1. URINATOR! My 13-year-old self was too busy snickering at your mermaid comment to spell properly.

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  5. "A tail of two titties" I will be laughing at this all day...Thank you Joe.

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  6. Was the THE Oglethorpe of Ogie Oglethorpe fame?

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  7. I've come to the conclusion that California is messed up beyond repair. Just saying.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday, as always.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

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  8. I'm not sure how you find 'em but I love 'em.

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  9. Uh, are you subtly letting us know you might have watered a golf course or two in your day:))

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  10. Harvard would call themselves inclusive, if your parents can pay and give a generous endowment, you can probably get in.

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  11. "Man cited for eating pizza at SF bus stop"

    Everyone knows you can't eat pizza at a bus stop unless you bring enough for everyone. That's the first rule of First Grade. ;)

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  12. Ha! "...a tail of two titties?"

    I've said it before but you have a definite talent for coming up with these funny comments. Have a terrific week.

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  13. 'A Tail of Two Titties'. . . I see what you did there. . .

    And somehow, the very idea of a woman cited for public urination just makes me laugh, all by itself. I mean, for guys, the world is their urinal, but a woman. . . I mean, she had to be really intentional about it. . .

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  14. Now I've got that Scott McKenzie song in my head... ♪♫♪♫ If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your head, but don't eat pizza at the bus stop ♪♫♪♫

    Well, minus the pizza part.

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