Cranky opinion Saturday has been temporarily suspended due to the extreme reaction to anything remotely political. The current climate terrifies me…so much violence makes any opinion expressing dangerous. Opinions will resume when I deem it safe again to voice a thought.
Hmmm…was that just an opinion? Sorry.
I hate Christmas shopping. I never get the right stuff, and stores just freak me out this time of the year. My solution? Most of my family is scattered around the country, so I send money. Who doesn’t like money?
But I can’t just give Mrs. Cranky money. We share money all the time. Giving her money would be like getting socks from your Mom back in the old days…thanks, but I’m pretty sure mom was not going to let me go to school barefoot if it wasn’t for Christmas.
So, I try to get Mrs. Cranky a present or presents she might want but would not get for herself. Jewelry is easy, and she likes jewelry. The problem with jewelry is it is expensive. The other problem is once you have established a jewelry base line, you have to match it or surpass it. If you do not, then your wife wonders why the change. You can’t get diamond one year and then drop to ruby the next. At least you can’t in a man’s mind.
This year Mrs. C left me several suggestions all of which could be purchased on-line. I know what you’re thinking,
“Well that’s no good, where is the surprise?”
First of all, what are we, ten? Christmas surprises are like Trix…for kids.
Secondly, the surprise would be that I actually bought what she wanted and not tried to surprise her with something she had to pretend to like. (Mrs. C is not a good pretender, disappointment runs across her face like the ticker on Times Square.)
I bought three gifts for her on-line.
Now there was the wait for delivery.
The sites I used sent me emails confirming my purchases. On one “store” I purchased as a “guest” not wanting to join their “store.” I joined as a guest because I currently receive spam telling me I bought something from the “store” and to click a bogus website if I wanted to dispute the purchase. Since I am not a member, it is easy to ignore this clever scam.
All this has been a lot of blah blah blah to set up my latest breakdown.
Yesterday I received a text from the “store” advising me that my purchase had been delivered and to contact them if I was not satisfied. Well I wasn’t satisfied, I did not receive a thing. Was this a spam message? I don’t think so, they referenced a correct purchase number.
“Shit, I hate this on-line purchase stuff!”
“I bought something and they told me it has been delivered but I don’t have it.”
“Where did you buy it?”
“Ooh, nice, you got me the IPod.”
“Yes, Merry Christmas…SURPRISE! Meanwhile I have nothing.”
I went on-line to follow up, but if you are not a member of the “store” you have to call. The wait to get through a call is quite long and the music they force you to listen to is awful. While I was waiting, I was also wondering why they sent me a text. How do they even know the number I gave them was a cell phone? While I was waiting I also double checked the email confirmation they sent me. It said the package should arrive December 13. That’s not yesterday, “THAT’s TODAY!!” Why then did they send me the text? I hung up on the awful music.
Mrs. C called from downstairs.
“There is a package from Apple that just arrived; and something from Sharper Image also. Did you get me that camera thing?”
“Yes! And a certificate for a massage will arrive in your email on the 25th.
MERRY CHRISTMAS Dammit!!”
Now I have to buy jewelry for a surprise. Yeech!