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Thursday, December 29, 2016

If There is a Heaven

If There is a Heaven
Do you believe in Heaven?  I have to admit I am a bit skeptical.  It’s possible; life itself is inconceivable to me and yet here it is…life…so why not Heaven after we are gone?  Which leaves me to wonder, how do we get into Heaven?  What are the qualifications?  God is supposed to be all forgiving, but is that fair?

I can only picture myself in line some years from now (I hope) waiting to meet God and get into Heaven. 
Dang, I am standing behind Hitler!  Apparently, he was put on a waiting list.
“Name please.”
“Hitler!  didn’t you kill 7 million Jews?”
“Ah…actually it was 9 million.”
“You know of course they are my chosen people.”
“I did not know that, I might not have killed them if I knew that.”
“Well they are and they were!”
“Ah…I’m sorry.”
“Well as long as you’re sorry, and you did have to wait a long time, come on in, but don’t be mean to any of the Jews.”
So now it’s my turn.
“Any relation to the son of mine’s Earthly Father?”
“No, just any old Joe.”
“Hmmm, I see here you cheated on a history test in 9th grade, egg bombed the Newman’s house in high school, and stole a yoyo from EJ Korvettes in 1959.”
“You know that the Newman’s are Jewish, and EJ Korvettes stood for eight Jewish Korean veterans, don’t you?”
“I knew about the Newman’s.”
“You know how I feel about my chosen people don’t you?”
“Well I know from listening to your talk with Hitler.”
“Hmmm…I think maybe you should think about what you’ve done for a decade or two.”
“A decade or two? Hitler killed 9 million people!  Jews even!”
“Well he did say he was sorry.”
“Well I’m sorry, and I liked the Newman’s, they were very nice…I was just a kid, and the Korvettes thing, it was just a yoyo…Hitler killed 9 million people.”
“Listen, come back next month, write me a letter on why I’m sorry for egg bombing the Newman’s, and I’ll forgive you the yoyo and forget about the test cheating.”
“Thanks God.  Can I ask one favor?”
“Can I have a room on a different floor than Hitler?”
“Sure…and between you and me, Hitler is being housed in the basement, by the boiler.  He’ll be shoveling coal for a few centuries along with Saddam, Bin Laden, Stalin and that newcomer Castro.”
“What about George Carlin, he did that 7-dirty word thing and often made fun of you?”
“Carlin?  He’s in the penthouse…you think I don’t have a sense of humor?”
“Sorry God…good to know.”


  1. With my faith, I do believe there is a heaven and I know how to get to heaven :) I also know God has a sense of humor. That's why when in 1995 when hubby was looking for a job, I said "anywhere but the deep south or Montana" and I knew God started laughing and didn't stop laughing until we moved to Montana in 1998 :) (we did have a 2 year stint in Santa Fe Mexico before our move to Montana that made Montana look might good!)


  2. Yessssss! A point I've been trying to make my whole life. God *does* have a sense of humor! You can tell by some of the people He made. Me being one of them. :D Hahahaha

  3. OMG egg bombinb doesn't sound like much but have you ever tried to wash dried egg off something. Kids bombed my car once and my thoughts toward them was NOT kindly as I was trying to remove it.

  4. The way things are going I can see us having to produce ID before being allowed inside those heavenly doors.

    Yes, I do believe there's a God, I mean he always looked after me very well.

  5. Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that God does indeed have a sense of humour. A wicked sense of humour.

  6. We have a similar understanding of where we go, except mine is flat and all the bad guys are huddled on one end and shunned. It works.

  7. Seems fair.

    I mean, maybe God's house got egged at some point and he takes it more seriously than he otherwise would.

  8. Personally I hope heaven is my own bed, and that I can sleep for eternity.

  9. Bwahahahahahahahaha. Love this. One of your very best posts yet.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  10. Although I am not a believer, I loved this post. Very funny.

  11. Of course God has a sense of humor!! How else would I be here?

  12. Yes, He has a sense of humor, He invented the sense of humor. If you ever want to know my take on how to get in, just ask, i'll be glad to tell you.

  13. Can you use your Monopoly "Get out of jail free card"?

  14. Now that's my kind of god. George Carlin was the man! Loved him. Saw him live just a few months before he died. So glad I got to see him. I hope he's still writing material up there!

  15. Ok, I could deal with a Heaven like that. Hitler in the basement shoveling coal for eternity and Carlin keeping things light and funny upstairs. This was fun, thanks.

  16. Well, if Hitler had known that was frowned upon...

  17. I'm another person who can attest to God's sense of humor. Back in 1999, when we still lived in Buffalo and I needed a new car and we were quite poor, it was the choice between a new car without AC and a used car. I didn't trust used cars (bad experience) and settled for a new car without AC. How many times do you really need AC in Buffalo? Twice a year? I didn't need air!

    Three days later my husband had a job interview. He got the job. It was the job that moved us to South Carolina. Where one summer it was 109º three days in a row.

    LOL, said God.

  18. My life so far has been pretty good, so I'm thinking this is my heaven, which makes me wonder where I'm going next time I die.

  19. I believe in Heaven and I'll be pissed if there one...You can count on that!