Thursday, December 29, 2016
If There is a Heaven
If There is a Heaven
Do you believe in Heaven? I have to admit I am a bit skeptical. It’s possible; life itself is inconceivable to me and yet here it is…life…so why not Heaven after we are gone? Which leaves me to wonder, how do we get into Heaven? What are the qualifications? God is supposed to be all forgiving, but is that fair?
I can only picture myself in line some years from now (I hope) waiting to meet God and get into Heaven.
Dang, I am standing behind Hitler! Apparently, he was put on a waiting list.
“Hitler! didn’t you kill 7 million Jews?”
“Ah…actually it was 9 million.”
“You know of course they are my chosen people.”
“I did not know that, I might not have killed them if I knew that.”
“Well they are and they were!”
“Well as long as you’re sorry, and you did have to wait a long time, come on in, but don’t be mean to any of the Jews.”
So now it’s my turn.
“Any relation to the son of mine’s Earthly Father?”
“No, just any old Joe.”
“Hmmm, I see here you cheated on a history test in 9th grade, egg bombed the Newman’s house in high school, and stole a yoyo from EJ Korvettes in 1959.”
“You know that the Newman’s are Jewish, and EJ Korvettes stood for eight Jewish Korean veterans, don’t you?”
“I knew about the Newman’s.”
“You know how I feel about my chosen people don’t you?”
“Well I know from listening to your talk with Hitler.”
“Hmmm…I think maybe you should think about what you’ve done for a decade or two.”
“A decade or two? Hitler killed 9 million people! Jews even!”
“Well he did say he was sorry.”
“Well I’m sorry, and I liked the Newman’s, they were very nice…I was just a kid, and the Korvettes thing, it was just a yoyo…Hitler killed 9 million people.”
“Listen, come back next month, write me a letter on why I’m sorry for egg bombing the Newman’s, and I’ll forgive you the yoyo and forget about the test cheating.”
“Thanks God. Can I ask one favor?”
“Can I have a room on a different floor than Hitler?”
“Sure…and between you and me, Hitler is being housed in the basement, by the boiler. He’ll be shoveling coal for a few centuries along with Saddam, Bin Laden, Stalin and that newcomer Castro.”
“What about George Carlin, he did that 7-dirty word thing and often made fun of you?”
“Carlin? He’s in the penthouse…you think I don’t have a sense of humor?”
“Sorry God…good to know.”