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Saturday, August 3, 2013

SHARK WEEK


SHARK WEEK
or 

How about The Shark Channel



 

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man for Cranky Opinion Saturday.

 

Opposing opinions are welcome (wrong, but welcome) and please, no name calling and that means you, you big stupid-head!

 

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OK, this is not a proper subject for Cranky Opinion Saturday, because “Shark Week” does not make me cranky.  Shark Week gets me excited!

Tomorrow marks the start of the 26th annual Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.  Seven days of programs all on sharks.  These are  fascinating and terrifying creatures, I could watch programing on them and never get bored.  I advocate a “Shark Month” or maybe even a “Shark Channel.”

Now you have to ask, how could a shark channel develop enough programming to broadcast 24/7/365?  They don’t have to! 

Just show sharks. 

Put sharks jumping out of the water and grabbing a seal in a loop…I would watch for at least several hours.  I’ve seen “Jaws” 46 times, and I will watch it again tonight.  You do not need fresh programming for sharks.  They swim, they bite, and they scare the bejesus out of you, just keep showing the same stuff.  Who cares?

If you do not think that sharks and only sharks are all that is needed for any successful TV program, explain the “Sharknado” phenomenon.  A film where a tornado sucks up thousands of sharks and dumps them on Las Angeles  becomes the most successful movie EVER on the SiFy channel. 



Why? 

SHARKS!

 

Here is the new programming I would envision on “The Shark Channel”:

“Leave it to Sharky” – A comedy about a typical white suburban family in the 60’s.  Father Ward, mother June, one boy, Wally and their pet shark, Sharky or “the Shar.”

“I Love Sharkie” – A zany wife wants to break into show business as a shark at Sea World.

“Chopper” – A boy with a pet shark gets into crazy hijinks often ending with Chopper eating the bad guy.

Of course there would be a theme song

Oh it’s Chopper, Chopper, faster that lightning

No fish you see

Eats more people than he

Oh Chopper, Chopper, he makes you wonder

Why you ever swim under

Under the sea

 
“The Real Great Whites of The Jersey Shore” – A reality show that follows rogue sharks eating surfers off the Jersey Shore…the first episode “A Taste of Snooki.”

“Lawyers and Disorder” – No sharks, just lawyers…same thing.

“There Goes Honey Boo Boo” – A reality-star tot goes for a swim…only one episode but a ratings hit!

“The Tonight Shark” – A talk show following the “11 o’clock Shark News”.  Celebrities hawk their latest project by being interviewed in a  cage surrounded by sharks.

The rest of the scheduled would be filled in with shark movies: Sharknado/ Jaws/ Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus/ Swamp Shark/ Etcetera Shark and the aforementioned loop of a great white eating a seal.

Please TV moguls give me THE SHARK CHANNEL!

Slogan: You’re gonna need a bigger TV!

I suggest you put it on cable 81 (Ate one).

 

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

9 comments:

  1. Can I come over & watch with you? I'll bring sushi!!

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  2. I would SO watch The Shark Channel! And all of those shows! Especially the first and only episode with Honey Boo Boo. I've seen Jaws too many times to count. And I love Shark Week. My kids and I always look forward to it. Sharks are fascinating. I want one as a pet. They'd make a great guard shark for the home - no burglars would ever mess with out house if we had a guard shark.

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  3. can't say i've ever imbibed on shark week.

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  4. Your creativity in these posts is remarkable. My big fear is that I'll be swimming in the ocean, see a fin in the water, shit in my swimming suit and have a heart attack, only to discover it was a dolphin.

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  5. Just when you think you're safe, living in land-locked Missouri...there's SHARKNADO! Hopefully, we're not in SHARKNADO Alley.

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  6. Too funny! One might gather from this that you have a bit of a shark fettish! :-)

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  7. I may or may not be singing the Chopper theme song right now.

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  8. One more mention of a shark eating a seal and I'll give you such a hit in the head and someplace else that you will remember it long after you have forgotten Sharknado.
    I must admit this was funny,
    Love, Lo

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  9. I'd like to see 'Sharkfeld'. It would never have been called a show about nothing if it had starred SHARKS!

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