Stupid Headlines 021719
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
___________________________________
New Jersey woman accused of burglary
flips bird in mugshot – Actually she used both fingers…double bird! Give a Jersey girl full
credit for attitude.
They went to an abandoned home to
smoke weed. Inside, they found a tiger. – That pot must Grrrrrrrreat!
Lufthansa Is Suing a Passenger for
Missing a Flight – They
can’t sue a passenger for missing a flight, if he missed the flight, he wasn’t
a passenger.
‘Assman’ displays name on truck’s
tailgate after license plate request denied – I’m sure I’ve seen this on a sit-com
somewhere.
Half-naked woman
shuts down South Carolina airport for hours – Well I know it takes
me a while putting back my belt and shoes, but hours?
Ex-Cowboys running
back, on trial for rape charges, shouts in court:
'She never said no' - I think running to the neighbors half naked
screaming for help should qualify as "NO!"
'She never said no' - I think running to the neighbors half naked
screaming for help should qualify as "NO!"
Man says killing mountain lion with
bare hands 'was just like a wrestling match' – Except his opponent had claws and
fangs and was allowed to use them!
Jose Cuervo launching
all-you-can-drink tequila train excursion – Must be a very expensive excursion, I heard everyone
on board was loaded.
In Florida, another doorbell licker's
spotted on camera – My
favorite news State…What the hell, doorbell? Is that what the kids are calling
it now? WHAT…it’s really a doorbell? Never mind.
Kentucky fisherman catches massive
'goldfish' with biscuit- A huge goldfish is unusual, but one with a biscuit? That’s just crazy. I wonder what he used for bait.
Utah mailman, 91, retires with
perfect record after 69 years on job – 69 years without ever going postal!
Really, that
is amazing, not an easy job especially at age 91.
FEEL-GOOD STORY of the
WEEK:
College athlete with Down syndrome
wows pro golfers in Arizona – For any armature golfer to perform under these conditions
with two pro’s and a large gallery is really difficult…she made par!
Just try not
to smile.
If the woman had been completely naked, would the airport have been shut down for twice as long? That tiger doesn't know how lucky he was that the mountain-lion killer didn't break into his house.
ReplyDeleteMore than one doorbell licker. How?
ReplyDeleteThis must be a zombie apocalypse. I mean, two doorbell lickers?
The ex-cowboy one is my favorite. There are just so many idiots out there.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day and week, Joe. 😎
After working for the Postal Service for that long, he deserves a medal!
ReplyDeleteAre these headlines real; or do you make them up?
ReplyDeleteThe other day the newspapers headline was: Martians turn my son into fish sticks. Apparently his parents did not know whether to grill him or fry him.
God bless.
I love the feel good stories you post Joe.
ReplyDeleteAmy so impressed me but you gotta love Gary also.
ReplyDeleteYou should write about the doorbell lickers in California. Florida is not the only state, you know!
ReplyDelete