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Thursday, February 28, 2019

Crack Me A Cold One


Crack Me A Cold One

More memorabilia…if people reacted to diaper memorabilia, I decided to add some more.  Mostly old people on this blog, and old people love old stuff.

With the first invention of the can, inventors have been trying to improve on methods of getting at the contents.  Coffee and peanuts used to have those key thingies that wound up perforated metal and allowed the top to be removed.  That wound metal and the can openings were perfect for ripping large cuts in fingers.

Opening beer cans has gone through three changes in my life time. 

The earliest I remember was using a “church key.”  I wonder if today you could use one of these on public property.  Probably the first church of “We hate God and all religion” would bring about a law suit.

Anyway.

A beer can could not be opened without a church key, and almost everyone had one with him or nearby.  I think they were given away free with a case of beer purchase, but I do not remember anyone ever buying one.  Maybe a fancy opener that also had a switch blade like cork screw in the handle, but proper church keys were free.

The church key had a stabby thing on one end that would punch a hole in your beer can.  You would punch a triangle cut on one side, and a little hole on the other side to allow the beer to flow freely.  The other side of the church key was for prying off bottle caps.

If by some unusual circumstance you found yourself with a supply of beer and no church key, panic ensued.  A screw driver, a knife, a pointy rock…whatever, that can would be opened.  If you want to see imagination and quick thinking in action, bring a six pack of the old beer cans where there is no church key.

Popping open the bottle caps without a church key was (still is, with imported beer) an art.  I am lost without a proper bottle opener, but I know people  who could use a table top end and a quick whack on the palm to pop the top.  If done incorrectly one can ruin a good table, injure the palm and break the bottle.  I have seen people use their wedding ring with a wedding finger lever to do the job…me, I buy domestic with twist offs.

I have damage my thumb and forefinger unsuccessfully attempting to twist off an import beer.

In the sixties the pop top was invented.  You pulled a ring and a perforated top ripped off the perfect beer guzzling opening.  Disposing of the pop top was a bit of an ecological issue.  They littered landscapes and occasionally caused margarita drinking flip flop wearing singers to cut their heel and have to cruise on back home.

I always thought that if you could attach a hook to the pop top, they would have made excellent fishing lures, but I never tested that thought.

Currently the pop top has been replaced with the push top which eliminated the littering issue and the heel cutting problem.

Can there possible be any more improvement to the beer container opening issue?  Who cares, I’ve wasted enough print on this subject. 

Come back next week for wine; cork, imitation cork or twist off!

18 comments:

  1. Not a beer drinker here but I do remember the church key..although I never knew it was called that until now. Once again I have 'larned' somethig here. Thanks Cranky.

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  2. Now I want a beer, but I think my employer might frown on that, seeing how I have to start work in about 45 minutes. They sure have evolved over time, haven't they? We've come to having a wine opener that also has a church key kind of thing with it included in our travels (usually put in hubby's shaving bag) so that we have everything we need should we decide to imbibe while on a trip. My motto is always be prepared :) I look forward to your one on wine. I personally like the twist offs which are becoming more "popular" even for "expensive" wines. As I age I think I'll be able to handle those over the cork ones. Opening a bottle with a cork always is a challenge here. (but I get it done)

    betty

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  3. I had one of those church keys that punch a triangle in the can. Where has it got to? I'll spend the rest of the day searching for it. I hate it when I lose things that I no longer want and have not used for ages.

    By the way ... should wine bottles have a cork or a metal screw top? Or should it be sold in carton boxes?

    God bless.

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  4. When the door of a truck is open, there are assorted holes in the frame. Hick used one of these for opening beer bottles. It worked as well as those metal contraptions mounted on the side of an old cooler, or nailed to a porch post. Not that Hick was a fan of drinking and driving. He did it when on a fishing trip, or with the truck parked in a field while building one of his first themed sheds, or getting a bonfire ready after a hayride.

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  5. Everyone had a church key back in the day. Now it's a wine opener. It's always something. I'm loving this walk down memory lane.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

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  6. I didn't know they were called church keys. I have my grandma's that is fancy and I use it to open evaporated and condensed milk cans.

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  7. We always used this method when a proper opener wasn't available - https://youtu.be/IZPjBKOw0sE

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  8. I've had a P38 on my key ring for 40 years.

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  9. I have had a church key for years but this is the first I've heard what it was called I always called it a bottle opener. We learn something new every day.

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  10. I still have one but I never knew the name of it. It's just always been the sweetened condensed/evaporated milk opener and used mostly around the holidays. :)

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  11. We still have a church key, and a couple of the "p58" can openers like they used in the military to open canned rations. There's nothing quite like the old stuff to actually get the job done, whatever the job is.

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  12. That thing is called a church key? I never knew that. I have one somewhere, but never need it so don't know exactly where it is, probably stashed with other unused utensils in a box in the shed/garage. I remember in my childhood, everyone had one and they were often tied to a length of strong string which was tied at the other end to a nail in the side of the cabinet nearest the fridge where the beer was kept. When ring-pull tabs came in, most people I knew would pull off the tab and drop it straight into the can, no littering worries there.

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  13. We have a "church key" hanging on our fridge. We don't drink alcohol so it's probably wasted on us but it does get used for other things that need opened. In surgery every OR has a church key for opening drug bottles. When I asked for a church key one day at work the younger folk just looked at me like I had 3 heads. They never heard a bottle opener called that. Maybe if I had asked for the beer bottle opener I would have had better results.

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  14. I guess there's one somewhere amongst my vast amount of unwanted or unused items. I could never use it but the male members of the family were quite adept so I always left things to them.

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  15. We still have a number of church keys around here, including one we've had for fifty years. (It may not have that "new" shine, but it still works!) My hubby also has a P38 on his keychain, because ya never can tell when it might come in handy. I'm almost ashamed to say this, but in the sixties, we had a whole "curtain" made of beer pop-tops in our basement. I've never cared for beer, but my hubby and his Army pals managed to more than made up for my "shortcoming."

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  16. Haven't had a beer in 40 years but still have a church key. It is magnetized so I use it as a refrigerator magnet to hold post it notes. Still a handy gadget.

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  17. I didn't know they were called church keys, but I have one and still use it. The non-pointy end is great for loosening tops from glass jars, when they just won't twist open.

    I used a P38 for many, many years for opening cans.

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