STUPID HEADLINES 010718
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| A little bit of everything in this one |
It’s time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider,
sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Mom says talking doll she bought for
daughter called her a 'b----' -The doll is entitled to its opinion.
ESPN reporter dating Falcons tight
end – Ornithologist experts who do not live in the United
Stated might want to Google “NFL Football” before passing judgment.
Disney princes in 'Snow White,'
'Sleeping Beauty' are sex offenders, professor says – Yeah, and what about that Pan kid
kidnapping Wendy and taking her to his boy gang…is bang not implied?
Man Sues McDonalds For Still Being
Depressed After Eating Happy Meal – His case will be heard by Mayor McCheese, right after they
try the Hamburgler.
Alabama newspaper executive admits he
spanked at least one female employee – At least one, but less than 100. Claims it was on doctor’s orders to calm down
a “Psychologically ill” woman, because nothing calms a woman down like a good
spanking.
Doctor accused of reusing anal
catheters on dozens of patients – The doctor claims none of his patients gave a shit.
The cold is causing frozen iguanas to
fall from trees in Florida – I’m staying out of this State, you keep your head down
looking for gators and get slammed by a frozen iguana…it’s just not safe I tell
ya.
More classified emails found on
Weiner's laptop – Just
reading “Weiner’s laptop” makes me want to take a shower.
Heinz packet found inside woman who
believed she was suffering from Crohn's – Up Up…*
Connecticut man ripped 20 chickens'
heads off during 'jealous rage' – According to Dr. Phil three sure signs of unhealthy jealousy
are, monitoring cell phones, following, and ripping the heads off of chickens.
JFK's nephew says Emanuel has plan to
force black people out of Chicago – Mayor Emanuel claims plan to play Pat Boone’s “April Love”
in a continuous loop around the city has nothing to do with forcing black
people to leave Chicago.
FEEL-GOOD STORY of the
WEEK:
Robber locked inside Texas store begs
to be released – Watch
this to the end and you will get a warm glow all over.
*Don’t even
try to figure this out, but (old friend) Frog
is laughing!
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Come back again next week for more
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
Go Bulldogs!
Much improved headlines with the brief explanations.
ReplyDeleteOmgosh. I can usually pick a favorite but not this time. All of these are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteLooks like now is the time to pick up a pet iguana.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness you always find a feel good story to end the week with. In Canada ours was a bunch of Maritimers helping a beached whale back to deep water. Damn cold out there so they were a plucky bunch.
ReplyDeleteLove the dumb criminal that got locked up in the store. What a happy ending for the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. ☺
Makes my day to read these.
ReplyDelete"April Love” in a continuous loop would have me looking else were also.
ReplyDeleteAs always, I loved your Stupid Headlines!!
ReplyDeleteI love these...my Sunday is now complete! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI love the McDonald's trial comment, and your reason to stay out of Florida.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is the dumb criminal who got locked inside the store, that was great!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant thinking, to lock the guy in the store. And only nutjobs would see those old fairy tales as being about sex offenders.
ReplyDeleteIt is raining iguanas in Florida. While Florida is a strange place.
ReplyDeleteWell, God answered his prayer - now hopefully he will learn from this and bea changed man.
ReplyDeleteI agree about Weiners laptop. Gross
thanks for naughty commentary joe!
ReplyDeleteNow, now, don't be hard on those iguanas. They're not hurting anyone - they just sort of go dormant in the cold weather and fall asleep. And you know how it goes when you go to sleep - you have a hard time staying up in the trees.
ReplyDelete