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Thursday, September 24, 2015

NO! I’ll get it!

NO! I’ll get it!

(House Stuff Women Don’t Want Men to do)

The following is a generalization based on my experience with three wives.  Past results do not guarantee future expectations.  Your household performance may differ.

The house in which I grew up had clear lines of responsibility.  Dad went to work and brought home money to pay for everything.  Mom did the laundry, cleaned the house, prepared all the meals, made sure everyone got to school and work prepared and on time.  Dad did the yard work, except weed pulling; mom pulled weeds (or assigned them to me or my brothers if we made the mistake of being “bored.”) The kids set the table, cleared the table and every once in a while washed the dishes.

The responsibilities in today’s households are more blurred.  Husband and wife both bring home the bacon.  Yard work is generally left for the man. Women do the majority of any child care, and household chores are shared.  Well except for those things that women are unwilling to allow a man to do.

Man is allowed, even encouraged to prepare meals.  Man is allowed to do general clean up, sweep, polish, and put stuff away.  He might not do these things without being told, but he is allowed to do them.  Man is expected to take out the garbage.  Woman will not do anything that is garbage related.  Man changes light bulbs, hangs pictures and kills bugs.

Then there are those chores that man could do, but women will not allow it.  

Man must not load or unload the dishwasher.  Apparently man cannot figure out what is allowed to go in the dishwasher, and man cannot properly load a dishwasher. Man does not know where clean dishes are stored.

Man could vacuum, but he is not allowed.  The carpets will be clean, but they will not have proper lines.  Man does not leave lines when vacuuming and without the lines there is no way of knowing that the carpets have been vacuumed.  When a woman vacuums, the carpet looks like the field at Yankee Stadium.

Man cannot do laundry.  He will overload the machine; he will not separate colors from whites and does not know which setting to use on the drier.  Man will clean the drier lint.  Apparently to women that is a garbage related task.  A man can never fold laundry to a woman’s standard.

A man cannot iron clothes.  Actually no one irons clothes anymore.

Man cannot water the plants.  He will always either over or under water any indoor plant.

A man can never make the bed properly.

Man should not bother cleaning a mirror; it will only be done over by his wife.  Apparently only women can see streaks.

Man is expected to be the furniture mover, but the arranging is always at the woman’s direction.  

If a man attempts these chores he will be yelled at, “NO! I’ll get it!”

If a man does any of these chores when a woman is not looking, she will know and she will do them over.

Man should not do any of these “NO! I’ll get it!”chores. 

However a smart man knows every once in a while to break the rules and cross the line.  The chore will of course not be done to the woman’s standard and will be done over, but for some reason this pleases the wife.  She will feign anger, but secretly she is pleased that there are some things that only she can do correctly.


  1. Lines in the carpet? Sounds to me like a valid reason to not have carpets at all.

  2. Carpets are supposed to have lines??? I think I may be part man ... SD doesn't cook but he does always do the dishes (I don't own a dishwasher since mine tried to kill me) and I changed Miss Mac's light bulb the other day. I'm always happy for someone else to give the chores a go but SD does always leave the kitchen surfaces swimming in water - if only he weren't so precious about using kitchen roll!

  3. Hahaha
    I have to agree with your parents lifestyle, because we are of the same vintage. I've never brought home any bacon so I've always assumed full responsibility of the house. I like to have husband mow the grass but the flowers are mine. A man needs a work shop of some kind, well stocked with tools, a space I never enter. Even at that, I always call a repair man when things go awry with the house. He's at work and won't ever know and it makes life stress-free.

  4. No lines in my carpet, but there is a ban on the use of washing machine since husband turned a dial anti-clockwise and broke the gears. I let him do most other things, or used to before he became ill, now I have the pleasure of doing it all myself.

  5. My husband has no clue how to use our dishwasher or washing machine. Wouldn't even be able to turn it on. Fortunately, I trained my kids better than that.

    However, he is better at ironing, but doesn't have time to do it. I still iron every week. We are too cheap for dry cleaning.

  6. I would love it if the man here would unstack the dishes, don't know why, but that is not a favorite of mine. He is a good provider though so I will forgive his inadequacies with housework, I just think we need to have a talk when he is ready to retire to distribute chores fairly between us.


  7. I guess I didn't take this class. Hubby can do any of these things and I won't say a word. I've learned that if I don't have to do stuff then I'm happy. I don't care how well he does anything. Glad I missed this class.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  8. Around here: husband makes the money, wife is home with house and kids. When husband comes home, he sprays the windows and mirrors that wife already cleaned, wife gets insulted, husband is in doghouse. Husband has been doing this for the past 23 years. Hasn't learned yet. Wife is confused by husband's inability to learn from past mistakes, but gets the tv clicker to herself each night. So all is good.

    1. Why not just leave the windows and mirrors for him to do, since he will do them anyway. Save yourself the trouble.

  9. It does vary -- in my house, garbage is an equal opportunity chore.

  10. Think you have nailed it this time. Must say you have learned from experience, which battles to choose. Wise man.

  11. A fun post, but it doesn't describe my household. I do all of the things you listed and my Mrs. Chatterbox tells me I do them much better than she does. She's much smarter than I am, and I suspect your Mrs. C. is equally smart.

  12. watering plants is the only woman-only task in my hosue.

  13. With a few exceptions, I spent the time reading your blog post nodding in agreement. I think as long as both sides are happy with the distribution of chores (and it's somewhat even), I'll say, whatever works.

  14. Let's talk about the bill-paying. Are you allowed to carry the checkbook? Or do you get a cash allowance so you won't screw things up? Or do you get free reign with the credit card so you can stop by the Good Feet Store for some $1000 shoe inserts every now and then?

  15. Hi Cranky Man,

    I love the American phrase "Do the chores!" :-)

    Well I am a bit of a rebel if what you say is true. I do the "chores" that I am not supposed to like loading the dishwasher, laundry and even ironing (although she won't let me anywhere near her clothes even though I have been ironing for well over 30 years and am pretty good at it!!).




  16. Our roles are very different. He does nearly all the cooking and most of the grocery shopping. He does 99 percent of the laundry. I've been mowing the lawn but he still clears the snow in winter. We both ignore cleaning until we can't stand it and then we bargain...I'll clean this room if you'll do that one. I think his mother, who was a terrible cook, and his first wife, who apparently didn't do laundry to his satisfaction. A reverse "No, I'll do it."

  17. We are paragraph one, except I do the yard work too. And work a little. He is very fond of his IPad.

  18. Actually, now that I'm "semi-retired", I do most of the things you assigned to the women, as well as the guy chores, too. I don't mind, because frankly, I can't sit still. I don't sit, or rock, or whittle, or hunt golf eggs. When I try sitting, I look around and see something that needs doing, and it gnaws at me until I get up and do it. And then it's something else, then something else.... And surprisingly (or not), my spousal unit is happy to let me. :)

  19. I'm banned from the laundry room ever since I made the unfortunate decision to toss her delicates in with my work sox.