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Monday, September 14, 2015

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Balls? - a cranky re-run

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Balls?

This cranky re-run is from September 2011,
inspired by some stupid commercials that were around at the time.
Sorry for the language, I think I've mellowed. 

TV sit-coms and commercials are not a completely accurate reflection of life in our society today, but they do offer clues into the changing values and accepted behavior of our times.

Without the “Leave it to Beaver” reruns of the 60’s sitcom, my children would never believe I lived in the Cleaver Home. They would not believe that their “Gammie” went to the beauty shop once a week for a “perm” otherwise known as hair that would not move for a week.  They would laugh at the idea that she vacuumed curtains wearing an evening dress and pearls.  They would scoff at the image of their “Gampop” Slicing the evening roast while wearing a suit and a bow-tie.

Archaeologists in the distant future will use these sit-coms and TV ads to put together the puzzle of today’s life much as they build dinosaurs from fossils.

Months ago I posted a blog titled “TV Emasculation.”   I was disturbed by an ad showing a husband who was chastised by his wife for looking for a Boston Cream-Pie in his refrigerator…..HIS REFRIGERATOR!

As disturbing as this ad was to me, it has been outdone in spades by this latest piece of our current life’s puzzle:

A middle age woman is trimming flowers in her own greenhouse.  Her meek husband peers in and informs her he just signed up for unlimited texting at Phones-R-Us.

Her reaction?  “Really, how much is that going to cost us and you didn’t even check with me?  My mother was right; I should have married John Clark!”

Mind you, she makes this emasculating comment ripping him for his inability to handle money and inferring that she could have married a better provider, from her own GREENHOUSE! I don’t know about you, but I have never provided any of my wives with a greenhouse.  I do not know of anyone who has provided their wife with their own FREAKING GREENHOUSE!!

The husband’s response should be,

“It was FREE you spoiled rich bitch, as if I have to explain to you every FUCKING dollar I spend that I FUCKING earn.  I wish you had listened to your mother and married John Clark.  Then he would have to put up with your whiney ass.  By the way, John Clark is serving 5-10 for embezzlement!  Now get your lazy butt in the kitchen and order some takeout you spoiled brat!

That is not how the ad showed the response.  Instead the henpecked husband responds in a wimpy, scared shit, wavy voice,

“It was free; I signed up with Phones-R-Us for free.” 

Five hundred years from today, archaeologists will stumble upon this ad and exclaim,

“Look at this.  This is big.  I think I have found when the men lost their BALLS!” 


  1. I actually remember this commercial and thought it amazingly annoying. But i wouldn't worry too much; the devices required to play back these commercials probably won't exist in a hundred years. We already can't retrieve much that is on old computers from the Vietnam era.

  2. I didn't grow up in the Cleaver household, but I was born in that era.

    So that's where some of the balls went. Bwahahahahahahaha. I don't remember that commercial.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  3. I remember sitting down to dinner ...occasionally ...wearing a suit and tie.
    The ol' man was proud of how well he carved a roast, be it turkey, beef, or lamb.
    He never wore a bow tie, though.

  4. That WAS an incredibly annoying commercial. . .

    Somewhere, I have a photo of my dad driving a tractor for a kids' hayride wearing a suit and bow tie. . .

  5. Hey, now, maybe she bought her own greenhouse!

  6. I'm glad I missed that commercial. As bad as these ads (and shows) make men look, what does it say about women? Sheesh!

  7. I do remember that commercial and sorry to say, I found it funny. Oddly, I felt like he was putting HER in her place by making her grousing meritless. I do think she looked a bit contrite in the end but I may be wrong. Its been a while.

  8. Never having seen the commercial, i'm somewhat floored.

  9. I don't remember that commercial, but I REALLY hate the way many ads portray husbands & fathers as incredibly stupid!!

  10. I'll bet he went out the next day and spent $1000 on shoe inserts at The Good Feet Store to show her what for!

  11. I did not grow up in Leave it to Beaver type of family but frankly speaking I would never want to.

  12. Late to the party...
    Last night a sports commentator used the word wussification.
    Made me laugh.

  13. I see ads all the time that make me cringe. What's driving me crazy now is all the Medicare offers I'm getting the mail. Is there a billboard somewhere proclaiming that I'll be 65 my birthday?

  14. The inept husband meme has been around since Shakespeare, wait, that should be Chaucer. Some people do make it funny. Like this: