LIVING WITH SHERLOCK HOLMES
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| This cranky re-run is from August 2013 |
Imagine what it would be like living with Sherlock Holmes. Your every move analyzed. Every noise, every open window, every open drawer, every missing slice of bread, every unwashed fork, everything you touch leaves a clue as to what you have been up to.
That is what it is like living with Mrs. Cranky. Her powers of observation, her sense of smell, her hearing and her ability to deduce events from these unique talents is eerie. And to top it off, these senses are at work 24/7…yes, she hears, smells and feels, even in her sleep.
If I go down stairs late at night to sneak a snack, Sherlock Cranky catches me every time.
“What did you get, a gob of peanut butter on a spoon?”
“Yes, and how did you know, I thought you were asleep?”
“The rustling of your sheets woke me. I heard the flatware drawer open, and footsteps to the pantry. Peanut butter? Elementary, I could smell it before you started up the stairs.”
If I sneak out to the store she not only knows where I’ve been, but what I purchased.
“Where have you been, Lowes?”
“Yes, and how did you know?”
“I saw you took down the basement smoke detector, bought a 9V battery didn’t you.”
“No...”
“No? Then let me see what is in that bag.”
“Ok, ok, I went to Lowes and bought a 9V battery…Damn, you’re creepy!”
When I come home from playing golf, Mrs. C knows how I did before I come in the door.
“Bad round huh.”
“Yes, and how did you know?”
“I didn’t hear the garage door open, so you left your clubs in the car. You always put them away after a good round. Plus you slammed the car door. You never slam it unless you are upset.”
“What the hell, do you know friggin everything? What did I have for lunch?”
“Cheeseburger, lemon pie and a Pepsi.”
“Holy meerschaum pipe and magnifying glass, how did you know that?”
“I didn’t, that was just a guess.”
I have no intention, inkling, or desire to ever cheat on Mrs. Cranky. It is a good thing, because she would know who, when and where before I zipped my zipper.
Oh my gosh, this is too funny. I'm good, but not THAT good. Mrs. Cranky keeps you on the up-and-up, on the straight and narrow, and on your toes. As every husband should be. Does Mrs. Cranky have a blog? She should. I'd follow her.
ReplyDeleteGeez, I'm glad she doesn't live with me.
ReplyDeleteMrs C is a woman after my own heart... God bless her.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Maybe she could track down my husband, who I lose every time we go shopping.
ReplyDeleteShe's out to get you.
ReplyDeleteBe glad she loves you enough to keep up with you so well.
ReplyDeleteIf I were Mrs C I'd just tap the side of my nose and nod wisely saying - 'I just KNOW ...' - sadly it's always me being caught out in this house
ReplyDeleteUh-oh, I've been on Facebook too long; I started looking for the "Like" button. Clearly Mrs. Cranky is a wise and talented woman.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahahahaha. That would be a bit creepy at that. I think when people live together there aren't many surprises. I know there isn't here.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
I can only hope YOU love Mrs. Cranky as much as I do!!
ReplyDeleteShe really is good but gosh you are a lucky man. That woman loves you Cranky or she wouldn't know so much about you and care what you do. When a man comes home, the spouse asks where you have been and the response of "out" totally satisfies her--she is seeing someone else.
ReplyDeleteWives are simply amazing.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the games afoot at your house.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. It's a woman thing.
ReplyDeleteI hate to break it to you, but you guys are really not all that complicated...
ReplyDeletePredictability is the end of mystery
ReplyDelete