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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I’m Going To Kill You!

I’m Going To Kill You!
We had some people over to the house this weekend.  We don’t entertain often, but if we didn’t have people over occasionally the place would never get straightened up.  It is not as if we never clean, we (read I) vacuum from time to time and do a weekly bathroom clean, mop and shine, but stuff does get piled up on kitchen counters and chairs a bit.

I keep up with the dishes, but I am not allowed to clean the Tupperware, the steak knives, or any dish that for some reason I am not allowed to put in the dishwasher.

Why not put the Tupperware, steak knives and other stuff in the dishwasher?

I don’t know, but that is not an argument I am going to win.  I try and stay out of arguments that I know I will lose.

So we had guests coming over and everything was straightened up so people could find a place to sit, and there was room on the counter for food the guests might bring.  

Relatives were involved, Italian relatives, so you could guarantee guests would bring extra food.  Apparently in an Italian family, it is not a meal if everyone doesn’t go home with enough food to last another two days.

Sorry, I digressed.

The only thing not cleared away, was the Tupperware, steak knives and assorted dishes that only Mrs. Cranky is allowed to clean.  It was getting down to the wire for guest arrival, Mrs. Cranky was puttering around upstairs, and we were having steak for dinner.  I made an executive decision and washed and dried the steak knives. 

I then gathered paper towels, Windex and sweepers to clean the guest bathroom.  I scrubbed, polished and cleaned everything and was on my knees scrubbing around and in the toilet when Mrs. Cranky screamed.

“I’m going to kill you.”


“You cleaned the steak knives!  You never clean them enough, and you put them away.  Now I have to clean ALL the steak knives.  Why did you do that?”

“You have got to be kidding me!  I’m on my knees scrubbing the toilet and you’re going to kill me because I washed the steak knives?  They have been waiting to be cleaned for a week.  I didn’t know you were going to get to them and we will need them for dinner.  I made an executive decision to clean them myself, and I cleaned the hell out of them, soap, rinse, soap and scrub, rinse, soap, scrub and rinse again because I know you are a nut about getting them clean.”

“I was going to get to them.”


“Now, I’m going to clean the Tupperware and other dishes now.”

“Great, well you don’t have to do the steak knives, they’re clean.  Is it ok if I get back to scrubbing the toilet or are you still planning to kill me?”

“I’ll let you live this time, but you are still a jerk…and I’m going to have to clean ALL the steak knives.”

And yet I still love her.


  1. My dishwasher tried to kill me once when something flew out of it and nearly took my eye out. Dishwashers are dangerous things and should NEVER be given steak knives. Mrs C is right again!

  2. I'm just wondering... am I somehow related to Mrs C?

  3. I want to know how one doesn't clean a steak knife enough? It doesn't seem like rocket science.

  4. Your house is more Italian than the food. I think you mentioned some Irish in Mrs. Cranky. Perfect combination.

  5. And yet you still love her.
    Beautiful :)

  6. I think there is something about putting Tupperware in the dishwasher that if you don't put the lids with the right container then they shrink or don't fit or something like that; could be an urban legend; everything and anything goes into the dishwasher here; if it will fit, it goes in there. Could be a good thing you aren't allowed to wash the steak knives; might prevent a cutting injury down the line.


  7. You have such an interesting marriage. You really do. I love your conversations.

    Have a fabulous day Joe. ☺

  8. I isn't wise to argue with someone over knives. My Mrs. C. has a thing where she gets angry if I use one of our knives to open mail. She claims it ruins the knife. I tell her she's wrong; a knife cuts things much harder than paper, but like you say, there are some battles you just can't win.

  9. I believe we need an actual photo of the actual "cleaned" knives to decide this one, and that ship has sailed now, hasn't it? Tsk.

  10. The good thing is that you know which battles to take further. In my book, anyone cleaning the toilets gets a pass on almost any transgression.

  11. i might have to start dosing her o.j. or coffee or something...

  12. Never, never, never interrupt a person voluntarily scrubbing a toilet. Ever. Such people are angels in disguise.

  13. You are amazing that you scrub toilets! Do yourself a favor and don't clean anything that you don't absolutely have to clean from now on.

  14. Dang! What do you cut with those steak knives that makes them so filthy that three washings won't get them clean???

  15. okay, I 'fess up. I do not understand Mrs Cranky. You cleaned the steak knives, wash, scrub, rinse, done. And well done. How can they possibly be not clean enough? Did you scrub, rinse and dry the blades right up to the hilt? Of course you did. She's nuts.
    The Tupperware I understand. That stuff distorts under the high temperatures and water pressure in dishwashers, particularly the lids. All Tupperware must be handwashed.

  16. Your last line was right on!
    So, it's not about having clean knives; it's about feeling like they are clean. I've heard gardening experts give up on explaining certain gardening practices are optional or useless. They resign themselves to saying, "If it makes you feel better, yes, you should..."