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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

THIS CORPORATION HAS GONE TOO FAR


THIS CORPORATION HAS GONE TOO FAR

I am not generally an angry person.  I may be cranky about a lot of things, but I am not often driven off the edge and into the abyss of disgust and rage.  But I can only be pushed so far.  A corporation has done it and I am angry.

Is it Monsanto and their Frankenfoods that threaten the very existence of the human race?  Naw, I’m OK with them.  Is it the oil industry and their control of oil prices that destroy our economy?  Does fracking and the potential of a contaminated water table and destructive earthquakes get my lather up?  No, I believe the experts, it’s all fine.  Does the war mongering defense industry and their made up global threats for the sake of profit set me off.  Not really. 

But one company has finally done it and I am angry.

What kind of corporation would turn husband against wife?  Why would any organization purposefully deceive people and ruin relationships for their own amusement?

What has got Cranky incensed?

In a recent post I spoke of my difficulty opening packages and the resultant argument it started with Mrs. Cranky:


You don’t have to read it, in summary, I opened a package of Little Bites Muffins with scissors because I could not open them by tearing where the package says to tear them.  Mrs. Cranky thought using scissors was wrong and that I should follow the directions.  We spent fifteen minutes of marital discord all because of the Little Bites package deception.  I now find out the reason for my problem.  Apparently women know the secret but will not share it.  They prefer to mock husbands, and the corporation that packages Little Bites is only too happy to continue the charade.  

DAMN YOU Entenmann’s!

Look at the package.  See where their instructions tell you to tear?  Try as hard as you want, the package will not open if ripped on the arrows.  The correct spot to tear the Little Bites is three quarters of an inch to the right.  My wife knows this, but she wouldn’t tell me.  I discovered the secret by accident. 

Well now the secret is out. Pass it on to other unsuspecting scissor welding husbands. I’ll wager Entenmann’s is not the only company in on this sham…I will be testing my discovery on other seemingly un-openable packages. 

I plan to expose all these man hating corporations.

Grrrrrr.

19 comments:

  1. I appreciate your sacrifice, Joe! And, I hope to learn and not repeat your mistake. Haha. Enjoy your Tuesday.

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  2. Aha! Now we know. But I'll stick with using scissors. I like a nice clean cut.

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  3. Arrowroot Biscuits employ the same deception as well as many other products I come across on a weekly basis. Yes, stick to scissors.

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  4. I didn't know that. Thanks. Why not just open them any way you want and eat them all? Then destroy the evidence...er...package, so she doesn't know. Screw your waistline. :)

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  5. Oh, and I call that my "Packaging Hall of Shame". I also have a "Packaging Hall of Fame".

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  6. And if you naively hand these bags out to grandkids like I once did, one hearty yank will send dozens of "little bites" flying all over the place - much to the delight of the dog! Decided right then it is easier, healthier, and less expensive to make mini muffins ourselves - and I've never looked back!
    But I do admire your unselfish tenacity in pursuit of making this a better world for other hapless husbands!

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  7. I believe the packaging is made inaccessible on purpose. As there is no food value in the contents, the corporation is salving their conscience by making it inaccessible.

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  8. You could be a hero for lots of men as you uncover the deep dark secrets of package opening :)

    No matter how easy it might be to open, I still prefer scissors myself :)

    betty

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  9. Bwahahahahahahaha. Hubby and I just laugh about this anymore. We think it has more to do with age than anything else, but that's an entirely different post.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  10. I'm a scissors person myself. I really don't want to waste any energy, you know.

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  11. The list of packages I can't open is a long one.

    You could resurrect that 1980s rumor that Entenmanns is run by Mormons!

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  12. Speaking as a woman, I think they are not just man-hating corporations, they are people-hating. My eyesight isn't what it used to be, especially in the evenings when I have these nosh attacks, and I can't figure out half of the packaging. Don't even get me started on the cellophane wrappers around gum. Finding the end of that tear strip is sooo frustrating.

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  13. Grrr, indeed. One thing i haven't been able to convince the men at church of is that the packets of ground coffee can be opened without using their teeth to do it. No amount of showing them the right spot at which to tear helps. That's why i get there early on Friday and make the coffee myself!

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  14. I've found that using a clothespin and folding over the top of the opened package covers a multitude of transgressions.

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  15. Those stupid yogurt tubes are the worst!!!
    We use scissors in the school cafe. They probably have botulism on them.

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  16. Not all packages are created equal. Some I wiz open with not problem and a simple tear, others flat out require scissors. Probably ought to go with the scissors in the first place. At least you solved the puzzle.

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  17. I cannot believe the stunning amount of people who can find the scissors with such ease, right where they left them! Must not have a college boy living in your house.

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  18. Sadly, your lesson is lost on me. I don't bother with little bites. Everything I eat is extra large, full serving, big bites. Larger packages are easier than those little things of little bites!

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