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Friday, May 29, 2015

Dating Lessons


Dating Lessons
 

When I was but a young lad and wanted to impress a young lady, I always dressed my best.  I showered, applied several layers of deodorant, splashed on gobs of aftershave, and slicked my hair down so it wouldn’t move out of place.

I would wear my favorite shoes with my favorite pair of socks, my favorite shirt and my favorite pair of pants. 

Sometimes I would not see that young lady again. 

If I did win a second date I would first be told,

“Its, going to be cool out, so don’t worry about…you know…the heat and stuff, and we will be inside so you won’t need much aftershave, and I like your white socks and the striped shirt and those plaid pants, but I’ll bet you’d look nice with dark socks and a solid shirt.”

If the young lady really liked me, by the third date she might say,

 “Listen, go light on the deodorant, I hate ‘English Leather’, never wear white socks with long pants, stripes and checks make you look like a clown, and for crap sake, stop with the grease and let your hair be natural! You don’t have any sisters do you?”

I learned that if I wanted a fourth date I'd damn well better follow directions.

 

20 comments:

  1. I'm thankful that I never really got into the whole dating game thing. I really didn't have a clue. Then my mum and "his" mum arranged that we should meet at a dance one summer evening. After that they managed to arrange a wedding. I just went along with it all. Being excrutiatingly shy, how else was I ever going to meet anyone?

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  2. Since you are now married, you learned your lesson well!

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  3. The sisters part cracked me up. I know my oldest daughter gave my son some Do's and Don'ts before his first date.

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  4. I guess you needed a sister. They even instruct each other, and all their friends.

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  5. And there was me thinking you must have looked good... shows how much I know about male dressing!

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  6. Ha, glad you were flexible. That was my problem: no sisters to help!

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  7. Me too losing it at the sisters remark. Too funny and it seems you learned all your lessons on the fly.

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  8. Well, they were all right you know. I agree with those gals.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

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  9. At least you learned, right?? Admire the dates for their boldness too to say what they wanted and didn't want in how you presented yourself for dates.

    betty

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  10. I recall dating a number of fellas who looked (and smelled) like that. (Only I LOVED the scent of English Leather.)

    Yep, if you'd had sisters, THEY would have beaten you down before any other gals had the chance. :)

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  11. Ahh...this post should be made available for all young me.

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  12. You apparently did SOMETHING right--Mrs. C is your third wife!!

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  13. Hah! Fishducky said what I was thinking!

    Seriously, though, it's hard for young men to figure out young women, isn't it? And, oh yeah, it goes the other way, too.

    Excellent illustrative photo :)

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  14. Everyone should go easy on the aftershave, perfume, and cologne in general--I wish they taught that in kindergarten. Half of the people who come into our office smell like they have bathed in their fragrance of choice. And if you're allergic to the chemicals in pretty much all perfumes and colognes, etc., it means you have to leave the office because you cannot breathe.

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  15. I Agree with Mich above me about cologne/perfume. I seen a very eloquent statement about it once. "A scent should be discovered, not announced."

    Usually though I slip and say something along the lines of 'Dayum! I know that's your cologne, but must you BATHE in it?" Yeah, I'm not too good about being subtle...

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  16. Geez. I'd rather be dateless.

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  17. You mean there are rules about dressing?

    Glad I don't have to date anymore!

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  18. Even YOU could give tips to my 17-year-old son! Because you knew enough to WEAR socks, and not go barefoot in black Adidas slides, with your tan slacks, in the snow.

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  19. Believe it or not, I dated a guy in high school who wore pants very similar to the ones in that photo…..

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