DRIVING MRS. CRANKY
A year ago, I posted about the fact that Mrs. Cranky does most of the driving in our relationship.
Today I drove and it reinforced why I prefer to ride shotgun.
The other day I sat on my glasses. I have recently lost a few pounds, but not enough to sit on my glasses. They are toast. Today we went to the eye place to get a new pair.
Because the previous day I was at the golf course, my car was in the driveway behind Mrs. Cranky’s big stupid SUV. She will not drive my Wrangler, so instead of rotating cars, I drove to the eye place. It was a twenty minute drive that we barely survived as a couple.
Mrs. Cranky knows every road in New Jersey, but she gives stupid directions.
“Where is this place?”
“Just go like you are going to the bowling alleys.”
As we reached the turn for the bowling lanes, she tells me,
“Just keep straight till you get to the Dunkin Doughnuts.”
“Where is that?”
“Just go straight.”
“Wait, is that it just before the stop light.”
“Why didn’t you tell me to go to the stop light?”
“Just turn left at the light!”
“Is this the place in Somerset?”
“Why didn’t you just tell me to go towards the golf course and then turn left at 27, not right?”
“I thought that would confuse you.”
“Ok, so I turn left at 27 then where is the eye place; which strip mall?”
“I’ll let you know.”
“Turn right where the silver truck is.”
“What silver truck.”
“The one ahead. TURN!”
“I don’t see…”
“HERE, TURN RIGHT HERE IN THE STRIP MALL.”
“Jesus, why didn’t you just say ‘Turn into the strip mall up just ahead’?”
“I thought you could see the silver truck.”
I turn into the strip mall.
“I’m here because I broke my glasses, remember. I have trouble seeing a silver truck, especially if I don’t know if it is on the road or in a strip mall parking lot, if it is a big truck, or an SUV, if it is really silver, or silverish; Even without glasses I sure as hell can see a strip mall!”
“Just park the damn car. This is the last time I let you drive…JERK!”
At least we both agree on that.