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Friday, May 1, 2015

How DId The Ass-hole Cross The Road

It Really Is Not That Hard To Cross the Street
Have you ever been waiting at a red traffic light and been distracted?  You know, dropped something, reached to adjust the radio, answered a phone, or turned to tell a child in the back seat to sit down.  It happens. When this does happen have you ever seen the light turn green and just automatically pulled out?

I know you shouldn’t, but sometimes you just do. Not often, but it can happen.

Today I was waiting at a stop light and as the light just turned green this ass-hole was walking right in front of me.  He started to cross when the light for him was amber.  He did not look right or left, he was looking straight ahead.  It was as if he was daring me to run him over. He had that look on his face.  You know the look, the one that says,

“Dude, I’m walking here, and I’m taking my time…you’d better not run me over!”

Like his skinny ass would win over my 3000 pounds of steel.

I saw him.  I knew he was going to cross ahead of me even though the light would be green before he got past my grill.  I knew he would be too cool to even quicken his pace.  As a matter of fact he did what most of these cretins do; he slowed down to a crawl.

It was not a problem.  I could wait.  What pisses me off at these jerkweeds is that I might have been distracted.  I might have just looked up, seen the light go green and in a split second of poor judgment let my instincts to go at green and run this knucklehead over.  In a nanosecond this fuckwad could have ruined my life.  He would be dead and I would have to live with the fact that I killed someone; someone’s son, a father, who knows.  Yes his life would have been over but it would wreck my life as well.  A nanosecond of distraction could have ruined my life all because this clown does not know how to cross a street.

I know it is my responsibility to pay attention at all times, and to expect the unexpected when driving.  I try, and I think I am a pretty good driver, but everyone has a lapse sometimes.

Pedestrians have a responsibility also.  They need to pay attention.  I learned when I was four years old that you look both ways before you cross a street.  You do not cross unless you are sure the light will be in your favor all the way across.  When you cross you keep your eye on all the cars, even stationary cars, and unless you have a disability, you put a little giddy-up in your step all the way across.

I didn’t kill you today you friggin too cool for school dumbass, but next time I might be reaching for my phone, or fighting with my wife, or just be thinking about my next blog post.  Next time I might have a brain fart and run your ass over. 

I’ll be at fault.  I’ll be sued for everything I’ve got.  I’ll feel guilt and remorse for the rest of my life.

You will be fucking dead.



  1. What gets me are the ones crossing the street looking down texting. I wonder if they even look what color the light is when they enter the crosswalk. I do agree with what your assessment of your encounter today; he certainly was.


    1. There are SO MANY texting pedestrians out there, oblivious to everything!!

    2. I agree! A few weeks ago a woman walked into a moving freight train while texting and walking downtown here. It's a miracle she wasn't killed.

  2. Wonder if he exhibits the same knucklehead behaviour while driving?
    I always put a little giddy-up in my step when crossing the road, because you just can't be sure that some one isn't going to run a red light and come skidding around a corner. I want to be across already.

  3. you tell 'em! i say, if you dare to cross when you're outta time, you better step it up if you're able-bodied!

  4. That's why I lives where I lives. Only run into pedes-targets when I choose and even then, they're mostly either courteous or runnin' scared .....

  5. One of your classic posts. It is sooo true and well written and you made me laugh, especially at that very end punch. My sentiments, exactly.

  6. I know we all have dealt with this guy. Fortunately you did not have a brain fart to match his.

  7. You are right. He will not learn, and that's the sad thing.

  8. I know this asshole and they are everywhere. Must be related.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

  9. I think we've all encountered people who are still alive because we had the awareness to watch out for them even though they weren't paying attention. But you're right; the law would side with the dead man, no matter what. So if you hit someone you need to drag their body to a place where it won't be found.

  10. A close relative was hit by a car on his bike. The driver won in court. Cyclist not paying attention.

  11. It is part of our job description to watch out for morons. Too bad you don't know him so you could text him this post. Oh--then he would probably be reading it at the next amber light. Never mind. I'm sure his family thanks you.

  12. You are so correct. I want the moron to be hit. Just not by me.

  13. Responsibility - yep, we all need to take it, drivers and pedestrians alike. There are a lot of nitwits walking and driving. I wish all of them would just pay attention already.

  14. Around these parts, the assholes don't cross the road, THEY WALK DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAFFIC LANE! Maybe that's because there are no sidewalks on two-lane blacktop. Still, there's a strip of grass where they can step out of the way of a two-ton vehicle. Oh, and their preferred walking time is dusk, and their preferred wardrobe color scheme is gray or black.

  15. Joe, you need to let go of it.

  16. I was with you all through this post because here in the UK some people think they have the road to themselves, regardless of the amount of traffic all around them. I have always suspected they deliberately dawdle to show their defiance of road rules.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and giving me the opportunity to read yours.

  17. Bad day huh? A 2 on the 1-10 moron scale. At least your survival wasn't threatened. There are lots of tens out there on the roads. My faves are the tailgaters at 80 on a crowded freeway...:(

  18. Know exactly the guy you mean. I also get a bit mad at the pedestrians dawdling across the street while you're waiting to turn and you're going to miss the light. I know they have right of way and they're under no obligation to hurry but it sometimes is an aggressive act on their part to walk as slowly as possible. Annoys me greatly! when I'm walking I always hurry across the street when a car is waiting to turn.


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